Little Things
by HermesDay
Summary: On Halloween night, James makes a decision which will change everything. With his life tumbling down around him, James struggles to keep his friends and family safe while at the same time facing impossible questions. Who can he trust if he can't trust his friends? How can he be there for Harry when he feels that somehow he shouldn't be? And why can't he cast a patronus?
1. When Plans Go Awry

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

A/N: Some people may feel that this story ought to be rated M: however, I have read the guidelines surrounding these ratings and have decided that T is the rating best suited to this story. If you are sensitive to language, death, grief and fighting, consider the rating M. As with all my stories, I will leave notes on each chapter on my profile page rather than at the bottom of each chapter, and will update them regularly. Please read them if you are interested in my thought process. Enjoy.

* * *

James paced in the sitting room, trying simultaneously to get Harry to sleep and to call Sirius through his mirror. Lily was upstairs getting ready for bed, and it was James' turn to put Harry down for the night: they switched every night so that someone always did the dishes and someone always had Harry. Tonight, however, Harry had decided to be difficult, and James had been trying to get him to settle down for the past half hour with limited success – and then Mercury had arrived at the window with a special addition of the Daily Prophet. The article on the front page was the reason James was trying to call Sirius, but it was proving more difficult than he'd anticipated to call Sirius and calm Harry at the same time. As if to prove this, Harry chose that exact moment to squirm violently, making James drop the mirror. As he bent to pick it up, he accidentally flipped Harry upside down in his arms. Harry shrieked, and started laughing hysterically.

"Come on," James groaned. "You were almost asleep, Harry." Giving up on the walking, he flopped on the couch and held Harry firmly between his legs so that he could focus on calling Sirius. Harry, hiccuping, tried to grab the mirror, so James held it up out of his reach. "Come on, Padfoot. Why aren't you answering? Padfoot? Sirius Black!"

"James?" Lily appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed in a pair of loose silk pants and an old T-shirt James was pretty sure he'd seen on Mr. Evans three years ago. "What's going on? Why isn't Harry in bed yet?"

James grimaced, annoyed that he'd failed to get Harry asleep before Lily came to investigate. "Little bludger doesn't want to sleep." Harry giggled, and James rolled his eyes. Setting the mirror aside, he pulled Harry into his arms and gestured at the paper which lay on the coffee table. "Then that came. It says there was a raid in a muggle village by the werewolf pack Dumbledore has Remus stationed in. I was trying to contact Sirius, see if he'd heard, but he's not answering his mirror."

Lily frowned and descended the stairs, picking up the paper and settling in the chair that sat opposite the couch. James bounced Harry, watching Lily as she read. As her eyes moved down the paper, her mouth turned downwards and James experienced a sinking feeling in his chest. When he'd known her in school, she'd never frowned like that. It was the war, he knew, but he still felt like he should be able to provide a life that was better. Lily's eyes reached the bottom of the page and she stood, setting it down on the table and coming to sit beside James. "Sirius isn't answering his mirror?" she asked, taking Harry and leaning against James' shoulder. They both knew that, unless he was in mortal peril, Sirius would always answer his mirror. James shook his head and tried again, more firmly this time.

"Sirius Black!"

"Prongs?" James let out a frustrated sigh and beside him Lily breathed a little sigh of relief. Sirius yawned, and for a moment all they could see was his mouth. "It's the middle of the bloody night."

Lily frowned again, but this time it was in confusion. James grinned, shaking his head. "It's only seven, Padfoot."

Sirius' head disappeared, and then there was a startled yelp. "Shit, Prongs, you're right! I was supposed to watch Nymphadora this evening before checking in on Wormtail." Sirius' face reappeared, looking frantic. "Andy's going to kill me, she was going to take tonight off with Ted!"

James snorted. "Well, I can't say I envy you." His eyes drifted down to the Prophet sitting innocently on the table and he grew serious again. "Did you hear about Greyback?"

Sirius shook his head, looking concerned. "No, what happened?"

"There was an evening addition of the Prophet, you probably got it. Apparently there was a raid in a village near where Moony's staying. Have you heard from him?"

"No. I don't suppose you have?"

James shook his head. For a moment there was silence, and then James said, "I'm going to check on him, Padfoot. I need to know that he's okay."

Lily glanced at him sharply, and in the mirror Sirius was shaking his head. "No, James, what if Voldemort –"

"He won't. He's probably busy with some other raid, or congratulating Greyback for a well planned attack." Beside him, Harry started whimpering and Lily immediately started shushing him, rubbing his back. "James –" she hissed, but Sirius' voice interrupted her.

"No, Prongs. I'll go. You need to stay there with Harry and Lily. I'll go check on Remus."

"You're supposed to be visiting Peter tonight, and you're already late," James pointed out. "Look, Lily and I have already talked about this." Lily shot him a look, which he ignored. "I'll go check on Moony, just to make sure he's alright, then I'll come straight back. I won't be gone more than an hour, and I'll have my mirror in my pocket the entire time."

For a moment, Sirius looked like he might argue, but then he shook his head. "Let's compromise. I'll go check on Peter, then I'll come by for you and we can both go see Moony. Say yes." James hesitated. "James! Say yes."

"Whatever," James muttered. Sirius grinned, even though it was rather strained. "Great, I'll see you in half an hour at the most." The mirror went blank.

"We've already discussed this, have we?" Lily asked, her green eyes narrowed slightly.

"Sorry," James said, wincing. "I had to tell him something, or he would have refused point blank." Lily bit her lip, and James sighed, putting his arm around her and pulling her into a hug. "I really am sorry, love. You know I wouldn't go if there were any other way to be sure, right? I'm just worried about him, that's all."

Lily sighed, leaning into him. "I know, I'm worried too." She was silent for moment, then pulled away, looking him determinedly in the face. "Go. Obviously you'll be of no help to me or Harry while you're worried about Remus, and it's not like we're in any real danger with the Fidelius Charm. I'll put Harry to sleep, then wait up and tell Sirius when he arrives." She smiled suddenly. "Maybe he can stay for tea."

James grinned and, despite what he'd just said to Lily and the gravity of the situation, he couldn't help but think, _Finally, I'm going out!_ It would have been lying to say he didn't want desperately to get out of this house, but he also knew that he would stay here the rest of his life if it would keep Lily and Harry safe.

James walked to the entrance hall to grab his cloak, and Lily followed behind him, bouncing Harry gently. "You have your wand, right? And your mirror – what about an emergency portkey, do you need one of those?"

James stepped towards her and hugged her gently, careful not to crush Harry between them. "I am fully armed with my wand, my mirror, and my handsome good looks." Lily laughed quietly, and he felt the little thrill he always got when he made her laugh. He kissed her gently on the lips, then bent to kiss Harry's head. "Be good for your mum, little man," he said. He kissed Lily again. "I'll be back before you know it. Tell Padfoot where I am, and stay safe."

"You be safe. I want you back in one piece." Lily smiled nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear.

James gave her his best grin. "You know I'll do my best." Then he walked out the door, past the gate, and Disapparated with a crack.

* * *

Lily watched James disappear, then turned back inside, closing the door and locking it. "All right, it's time for you to go to bed," she told Harry. Harry gurgled happily. "Dada!"

"He'll be right back, honey, he just needs to make sure Uncle Moony's okay."

Lily started upstairs to put Harry to bed, but something made her hesitate and she turned back to the door, frowning. The gate had just creaked, she was sure of it, but neither James nor Sirius should be home yet. Shifting so that she could see through the small window next to the door, she peered through uncertainly, then stiffened. In the garden, walking purposefully towards the front door was a tall man in black robes, with a pale face –

"No, oh no, no, no, no." Lily whispered. Her hand shot to her side, before she remembered that she was dressed for bed, and had left her wand on the bedside table. The door knob jangled and she turned, almost tripping in her haste to get upstairs. She couldn't remember ever feeling this afraid, even when fighting with the Order or sitting in the hospital while her mother died. Every time before she'd had James, but now it just her and Harry. She reached the door to the room she shared with James and darted inside, slamming the door behind her and feeling sick as she heard an echoing crash from downstairs.

Lily snatched her wand off the bedside table, her mind working furiously. No one survived when Voldemort paid a house call, she knew that, but she also couldn't give up hope – she couldn't let him hurt her child. Turning to the door, she cast the strongest protection charms she could think of, then ran to the closet and placed Harry inside. Harry was whimpering now, obviously aware that something was wrong, and as she reached to pull back the hair that had fallen in front of her face she realized that she was crying. _Pull yourself together, Lily_, she thought furiously. _You can do this_.

"_Silencio_," she said shakily, tapping Harry gently with her wand. "It's just like hide-and-seek, Harry, you have be still for Mummy, okay?" She raised her wand to cast a disillusionment charm, but started at the sound of the door splintering behind her. "_No._" She didn't have time, she needed help – "_Expecto Patronum!_" Three silver does burst from her wand. "Help," she whispered, "Please, please help us." With a flick of her wand, she sent them to find James, Sirius and Dumbledore. Casting another fearful glance over her shoulder at the door, she grabbed whatever she could find to pile around Harry, hoping she could hide him that way. "Now be still, please, I love you, be still."

The door burst open and Lily sprang to her feet, turning and casting a shield charm as Voldemort strode calmly into the room, his wand held almost casually between his fingers. Immediately, Lily started throwing curses at him. She knew that she could never defeat him, but she hoped she could keep him occupied until Dumbledore, James or Sirius came to help. Then she might actually stand a chance.

And then, out of nowhere, her wand was yanked from her hand and sent flying across the room. Lily stared at it in shock and growing despair; if she'd been alone, or had someone fighting with her, she might have gone after it, but not when she was the only thing between Voldemort and Harry. She'd never been good at non-verbal spells, casting or blocking, and when they'd been friends Severus – who'd had a knack for them – had always told her they'd be the death of her. Now it seemed he would be right.

"Step aside."

_What?_ Lily's head snapped up to meet Voldemort's red gaze as she stood defensively before the closet. The closet where, heaped in the spare blankets, she imagined she could hear Harry's heart beating. _Why would he even ask … _not that it mattered. Lily wasn't moving an inch for this monster. "No. Please, you can't hurt him," she said shakily. She knew that he was here for Harry, for the prophecy. _I hate prophecies_.

"I am here for the boy. Now, step aside." In the back of her mind, Lily wondered at the absurdity of this conversation. Voldemort never left survivors, and was most certainly not known for his mercy. What could have happened to prompt him the offer her this chance?

"No. No, I won't – please, just please don't hurt him, I'll do anything – " It never hurt to try, as her father had told her. She didn't even really have to think about it – she'd do anything, even make a terrible Unbreakable Vow to this monster if only he would spare Harry's life.

"My patience wears thin, girl. Step aside!"

"Not Harry, please not Harry!" Yet even as she pleaded, Lily knew it was useless. She'd known since she heard the gate creak in the garden, long before anyone was supposed to be home. And when had pleading ever, _ever_ worked with Lord Voldemort? So it was without surprise as she watched the green light blossom out of the end of his wand, and as she registered his next words as the last she'd ever hear.

"_Avada Kedavra._"

* * *

James arrived at the edge of the woods which he knew Remus to be staying in. Although Remus was technically undercover at Greyback's werewolf camp and trying to get information for the Order, James had managed to cajole his whereabouts out of Dumbledore two weeks ago so that they could tell him of the their decision to make Peter Secret-Keeper. Now James was doubly glad he'd done it, if only to make sure his friend was all right (even if that had been exactly the reason Dumbledore had been so reluctant to divulge the information in the first place). The raid last night had been on a nearby muggle village, and according to the Prophet had left quite a scene. James was worried that if Remus had participated, he would be tearing himself up about it, and that if he had refused then perhaps it was the other members of Greyback's pack who were tearing him up.

Transforming into his animagus form, Prongs trotted through the semi-dark woods, ears pricked and alert. It was some time before he could pick up the sound of human activity and when he did he slowed and headed cautiously in that direction.

" – don't know why, but he was happy enough to allow us full access to any prisoners in need of persuasion next full moon."

"Did he have any in particular?"

Prongs snorted in relief. That was Moony, he was sure of it.

"Why is it important, Lupin? We all know you won't be taking part."

"Sorry, I was just wondering." Moony sounded miserable.

There were a few more words, exchanged too quietly for even Prongs to hear, and then there were footsteps coming in his direction. Quickly, Prongs stepped back under a low hanging tree, trying to act like a normal, non-suspicious stag.

"Prongs!?"

Prongs let out a relieved sigh. It was Moony. Beckoning with his head, he trotted further into the woods until they were out of sight and well out of earshot of the camp. Then he transformed again and stepped forward, wrapping Remus in a tight hug. Remus returned it for a moment, but then pulled back and frowned. "James, happy as I am to see you – what are you doing here?"

James looked Remus up and down, ascertaining that he was indeed okay. Finally nodding to himself, he said "I just read about the raid yesterday. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Remus' face spasmed for an instant, but then he just smiled tiredly. "I'm fine, James. But you shouldn't be out here. Surely Wormtail or Padfoot could have come if you were that worried?"

James shrugged. "Well, yeah, that's what Padfoot said too."

Silence.

"James –"

"Moony. Padfoot is checking on Wormtail, I'm checking on you, Lily's with Harry. We've got our bases covered."

Remus looked exasperated. "Does Padfoot at least know where you are? And what do mean he was checking on Wormtail? Did something happen?"

"No, everything's fine, there was just a change in plans – I'll tell you later. And Lily will tell Sirius where I am when he shows up; we were supposed to come together, but I couldn't wait." When Remus still looked skeptical, James sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look, Moony, I'll give him a call now if it'll make you feel better." James pulled his mirror out of his pocket and turned so that Remus could see too. "Sirius Black. "

They stood for a moment, waiting patiently. Then James said, a little louder, "Sirius Black." Another moment passed, and James frowned at the mirror. "He should pick up. He was asleep last time, but he's just checking on Wormtail now. Maybe he's flying, and can't pick up…." Shrugging, James tucked the mirror back in his pocket. "We can try again in a minute or so. But honestly, Remus, how are you?" James stared hard at Remus, searching for signs that he was hiding something. "I haven't seen you in ages, and after last night –"

Suddenly, both men were interrupted by a large silver shape streaking towards them. Remus looked up, startled, and James' eyes widened as he recognized Lily's patronus. It stopped in front of him and opened its mouth – and then burst apart, disappearing with an alarming swiftness. Remus and James exchanged looks, and James felt a panicky feeling rising in his chest. Patronus' never usually brought good news, and he'd never seen one burst like that.

Remus looked pale as he drew his wand, having evidently reached a similar conclusion. "Come on, let's go." Then he stiffened, and dove onto James, shoving him down just in time to avoid a red spell flying through the space where his head had been mere moments before. James twisted around and shouted "_Protego!"_ in time to block two more stunners which exploded harmlessly on the shield.

"_Impedimenta! Incarcerous!_"

"James, go!" Remus shouted, scrambling behind a tree and firing a curse at the werewolves who had found them. "I'll hold them off!"

James jumped to his feet and stumbled behind a tree a few feet away, casting another shield charm to protect his back. "I can't leave you!" he gasped, his mind racing. Stay with Moony, or go find Lily –

"Lily needs you more. Go!"

James hesitated. Under normal circumstances he would never leave one of his friends in the middle of a duel – but Lily had sent a patronus, and it had just vanished – so he focused on the woods behind their house in Godric's Hollow and turned on the spot. Just as he was turning, however, he became aware of a red spell coming straight at him, and hitting him square in the chest as he was squeezed into nothing.

* * *

Sirius slid his mirror into his pocket and pushed himself to his feet, rubbing the last traces of sleep from his eyes. Grumbling, he glared at his new muggle clock that was set upside down on his desk. It was the clock's fault, he decided, and he would tell Andy that when he saw her next. Now, though, he needed to check on Peter. Stumbling to the door and shrugging into his jacket, he grabbed his bike helmet, walked out into the darkening twilight and climbed onto his motorbike.

At first, he had bought the bike to annoy his parents. Then, he realized that he actually preferred it to apparition – it wasn't quicker or easier or anything like that, it was more that it was just _fun_. And anything that didn't require a wand was a bonus in Sirius' opinion.

Kicking off into the sky, Sirius rode up over the lights of Surrey, then turned north to the small village where Peter was in hiding. Flying, his thoughts turned to Remus. They were supposed to meet tomorrow to tell him of the switch, but they might as well do it tonight, once he and James found him. Sirius sighed to himself. It was so complicated, and he wished desperately that trusting everyone were as simple as the way he and James trusted each other. He almost wished that Peter were the untrustworthy one: Remus was much more capable of taking care of himself.

Flying low, he spotted the roof of Peter's apartment and flew down, dismounting swiftly and striding up to the door where he knocked twice. "Wormtail?" he called.

No answer.

Frowning, Sirius knocked again and called louder. "Peter? It's me, Padfoot. Let me in."

When there was still no answer, Sirius began to worry. Trying the door, he found that it was unlocked and pushed it in, drawing his wand as he did so. _There's no Dark Mark,_ he thought, paranoia tickling the pit of his stomach. _He's probably just asleep…_. "Wormtail?"

Sirius stepped into the front room, glancing around warily. It didn't look like anyone but Peter had been there recently. Now Sirius didn't feel paranoid – he felt _scared_. He strode quickly through the remaining rooms until he finally came to Peter's bedroom, which was empty. There was no note on the table, no sign that he had left in a hurry, no sign of struggle. Something was wrong. _Very_ wrong.

Sirius turned and sprinted out of the house, pulling his bike roughly from the fence where it had been leaning. About to kick off, he noticed a silver shape streaking towards him. When it stopped in front of him, Sirius forced himself to swallow the panic that was building in his chest. The patronus opened its mouth, and just before it burst apart Sirius caught one terrified, whispered word: "_Help._"

"Fuck," Sirius whispered, staring at where the doe had been moments before. Then he turned abruptly and pushed off into the sky, urging his bike faster, faster towards Godric's Hollow.

He knew before he landed that he was too late. Throwing the bike on the ground, Sirius sprinted through the gate to the ruined house, through the door that was just barely hanging onto its hinges. "James! Lily!" Sirius called, his heart pounding in his chest. _Please, Prongs. _There was white dust everywhere, where the plaster had rained down from the ceiling. Forcing his legs to work, Sirius ran through the ground floor, pausing just long enough in each room to make sure it was empty. Then he moved to the upstairs. "James!" he called again. "Lily!" When there was still no answer, Sirius took a shaky breath and looked around him. Most of the doors were open, but the only one that appeared to be completely destroyed was the one that led to Lily and James' room. Hastening through the debris that covered the floor, Sirius reached the splintered doorway and stopped, his blood running cold.

"No. Oh sweet Merlin, no, Lily!"

The room was buried in rubble from the collapsed ceiling, and a cold wind drifted in from where the southern wall had crumbled. Sirius wasn't paying attention to that, though. He fell to his knees, crawling across the unstable floor to where Lily lay, his fingers gropng for a pulse at her throat. Still and cold. "_R-renervate_," he said gasped, for all the good that would do. Still nothing. _She's dead_. "No!" For a moment he felt like he couldn't breath. Then he jerked backwards, up onto his feet. "James!" he shouted. "Harry!" _No no no no _– Scanning the room, a movement caught his eye and he rushed into the closet that Lily was lying before. Inside, his face covered in blood, Harry was screaming. Silently.

Sirius raised his wand again. "_Finite,_" he said shakily, and Harry's screams now filled the room. "Harry, come here, I'm so sorry." Sirius scooped Harry into his arms, carefully shielding him from the sight of Lily lifeless on the floor. Carefully now, he wove his way through the debris scattered in the hall, down the stairs, and out into the fresh night air. Once outside, he laid his jacket on the ground and, placing Harry on top of it, started casting to see if he had any serious injuries. The only one Sirius could find was a jagged cut on Harry's forehead. Quickly cleaning it, Sirius gathered Harry up in his jacket, wrapping it around him to keep him warm in the quickly cooling October air.

On the surface, Sirius felt empty. Lily was dead, and he knew that would never happen while James was alive. So even though he had not seen a body, Sirius had no doubt that James was now dead. Gone. Down deeper, underneath the emptiness, something else was stirring, something that Sirius was afraid to feel because he was afraid it would overtake him, and he couldn't let that happen, not yet. Harry needed him.

Reaching his bike, Sirius was about to climb on when a loud voice called him.

"Sirius Black!"

Sirius whirled around, but lowered his wand when he saw that it was Hagrid. The big man was already crying, a river of tears running down his ruddy cheeks and disappearing into his beard. "Hagrid," he said, struggling to keep his voice steady. "They're dead."

The giant's face was pale in the scarce night. "Is 'arry all right?"

Deep inside, Sirius felt the darkness stirring. "Yes," he said. _But Prongs is dead_.

"Dumbledore told me t-ter take 'im to his aunt," Hagrid sobbed, then blew his nose. "She's the only family he's got left now, poor tyke."

The darkness pushed, trying to fill the emptiness on the surface. "No," Sirius heard himself say firmly as he clasped Harry closer to his chest. In the distance, he could hear sirens. Harry whimpered. "N-no, I'll look after him, I'm his godfather."

"I'm sorry, Sirius, but it's Dumbledore's orders tha' he go to his aunt's." Hagrid peered into Sirius' face, looking genuinely worried that he might disagree. _I promised Lily and James_ –

A tendril broke loose, whispering through the emptiness. Slowly the darkness leaked through, and there was nothing Sirius could do besides stand still and wait to hear what it had to say. Vaguely, he was aware that Hagrid had stepped closer and was patting him consolingly on the arm while he talked.

"Dumbledore knows what's best, Harry'll be safe with his aunt an' uncle."

_Peter._

"Here," Sirius carefully placed Harry in Hagrid's enormous arms. "Privet Drive, right? That's a ways from here – take my bike. I won't be needing it."

"Are yeh sure, Sirius?" Hagrid sounded stunned. "Yeh love that bike."

"Take it."

"All righ'. An' don't worry, I'll take th' best care of him, I won't let anythin' hurt 'im. It'll all work itself out, you remember that."

"Right," Sirius said quietly. "I'll remember that, Hagrid. Just make sure he's safe." _Peter_, the darkness whispered. _This is Wormtail's fault._

He watched with dark eyes as Hagrid rode his bike into the dark sky, then gripped his wand tight and turned on the spot. Whatever happened next, only one thing was certain – Sirius would make Pettigrew pay, or he would die trying.


	2. Out of Reach

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

As James Disapparated, Remus ducked down and cast yet another shield as curses exploded over his head. Briefly, he considered Apparating out to help James, but the next moment he knew that he couldn't. He needed to stay in Greyback's good graces to help the Order. So, taking a deep breath, he cast a final, strong shield and stepped out from behind the tree.

"Stop shooting, it's me, Remus Lupin!"

To his immense relief, Greyback's followers stopped firing curses, although they did not lower their wands. Remus immediately recognized Keith Winters and Eugene Kingston, and he just barely managed to stifle a groan. Ever since he had arrived five months ago, these two had seemed to have it out for him.

"Who was that man you were with?" Winters growled.

"My cousin, Evan Lupin," Remus sighed. He quickly arranged his face into a look of mild annoyance. "His wife's sick, and he wanted me to come help. I told him no."

"Sure, Lupin," Kingston sneered. "Tell that to Greyback and we'll see what he thinks."

Resigned, Remus let them lead him back to the camp. He was annoyed that they had attacked first and then asked questions, but there was nothing he could do about it – that was their way, and since Greyback approved, they weren't likely to change anytime soon. And as far as speaking to Greyback was concerned, that wasn't unusual at all; Kingston and Winters both made it their business to know everything about the pack and then promptly report it straight to Greyback.

Entering the camp, Kingston and Winters escorted him to the center where Greyback sat lounging in his big chair. "Lupin was out talking with a human," Winters announced with a disgusted look at Remus, as though he had committed the crime of the century. Remus had to resist rolling his eyes.

"Was he, now?" Greyback raised an eyebrow, looking Remus straight in the eye.

Remus didn't blink. "My cousin, Evan Lupin. As I told these two, he wanted me to help with his sick wife. I said no. I might not agree with killing humans, but I wouldn't stoop so low as to help keep one alive." All four of them knew that wasn't true, but words and body-language were what really counted with Greyback – as long as you acted like you agreed with everything he said or did, he didn't care how you actually felt.

Even so, Remus was relieved when Greyback smiled. "Good answer, Lupin. You're lucky I'm in such a good mood, otherwise I might not be so lenient." Then he growled, "Stay out of my sight for the next week, Lupin. You disgust me."

_As you do me, _Remus thought, although he would never, ever say it aloud. At least not until he could afford to upset Greyback. He bowed slightly, not taking his eyes off Greyback's face, then backed up until it was polite to turn and walk away. Ignoring Winters and Kingston, who were still following him, he strode to the tent he was staying in and, once inside, sunk onto his cot and buried his face in his hands. He sat like that for a moment, then took a deep breath and raised his head. Just before James left, Lily had sent a patronus which had exploded, presumably before it could deliver its message. He hadn't ever seen or heard of a patronus doing that before.

James had left to help Lily. If it was something serious, then Dumbledore should be alerted. He needed to speak with Dumbledore anyway – he was already a week late with his report. Standing, Remus grabbed his bag. Greyback didn't want to see him for a week, and he didn't want to risk being seen, so he would leave. It would be like a vacation, he thought as he threw his spare change of clothes into his bag. Merlin, he needed one of those.

Slinging his bag over one shoulder, he strode out of the tent only to narrowly avoid crashing into Winters. Kingston had disappeared, presumably to go terrorize the prisoners. "Watch where you're going," Winters snapped.

"Me? You were the one standing right outside my tent!"

Winters scowled, brushing himself off disdainfully. "Where are you going, Lupin?"

"Out," Remus replied shortly. He didn't have time for this. "You heard Greyback, he doesn't want to see me. I won't be so foolish as to be seen."

"You're not leaving."

"Watch me." Remus pushed past Winters and strode purposefully towards the woods where he could Apparate out. Although Winters seemed to realize that he couldn't stop Remus, for which Remus was grateful, he still seemed to think that he could threaten Remus into staying.

"If you're not home by morning, I'm telling Greyback."

"You do that." Reaching the edge of the woods, Remus turned to face Winters. "If I were you, though, I'd keep my mouth shut. I wouldn't put it past Greyback to kill the messenger."

Winters glowered, but didn't say anything. Remus turned and walked into the woods, hoping desperately that Winters wouldn't tell Greyback. He didn't need any more trouble with him, but even if Winters did bring his disappearance to Greyback, Remus had other things to worry about. On his list of top priorities Greyback was just barely in the top ten, and then only because Dumbledore had asked: more than once, very politely. Top by far was James, Lily and Harry, then Peter, Sirius, and Dumbledore. And right now he was prioritizing the Potters.

Remus Disapparated to the Hogwarts gate, where he said the password given him by Dumbledore. Once inside on the Hogwarts grounds, Remus made his way up the slope from the lake and to the Great Hall, which was surprisingly empty. Remus paused, listening carefully for the sounds of any students or staff. There were none. Confused, he glanced at his watch. It was 8:00 pm, so even though dinner had ended about an hour ago, curfew hadn't yet begun. There should be at least some students roaming about, especially since it was Halloween night; festivities usually lasted at least until nine, if Remus was remembering correctly. Frowning, he walked cautiously through the silent Hall and started making his way through the corridors towards Dumbledore's office.

The halls were empty as well. Remus found himself taking as many shortcuts and secret passageways as he could, if only to avoid the silence. Reaching the statues guarding the door, Remus whispered the password (Sugar Quill) and glanced back once into the eerily silent corridor before ascending the stairs two at a time. Something wasn't right.

He was about to open the door when he heard voices and, despite his better judgment, he hesitated.

"—sure, Severus?

"Of course I'm sure." Remus stiffened. Even though Snape was in the Order, Remus couldn't help but distrust the man: he suspected that this was primarily due to their enmity while at Hogwarts, but Remus liked to think that he had good instincts. And his instincts told him not to trust Severus Snape.

"You say it faded, just like that?"

"Look!" He sounded tense. Scared. "Dumbledore, you promised –"

"We know nothing yet," Dumbledore said coolly. Then he sighed. "I'm keeping the school in lock down until it's been verified. On your way out, will you tell Minerva that all classes have been canceled for tomorrow?"

There was the distinctive whoosh of the Floo – Snape must have Flooed to the staff room – and then Remus knocked on the door.

"Come in." Dumbledore sounded so tired, Remus almost felt bad for intruding. Nevertheless, he pushed open the door and strode forward until he was standing behind the chair in front of Dumbldore's desk.

"Ah, Remus. It's a pleasure to see you looking so well."

"The same to you, sir. I've come with my report. But first – I need to ask you something."

Dumbledore gestured to the chair. "Of course, Remus. Have a seat."

Remus sat, suddenly nervous. Sitting here before his old headmaster always made him nervous. Absentmindedly tracing the scars lining his hands, he said, "About half an hour ago I was in the woods, preparing to come here, when Lily's patronus – you know, the doe – appeared. It stayed just long enough to take form, then burst apart. I think it was trying to give a message, though. I've never seen a patronus burst like that." Remus looked into the headmaster's eyes, suddenly fearing his response. Patronuses never usually brought good news in these times, but it had just occurred to him what Lily's patronus might have meant: what would happen if the caster was incapacitated before the patronus could deliver its message?

Instead of answering, Dumbledore stood and went to consult one of the many silver instruments lining his shelves. Remus stood as well, nervously watching his movements. _Nothing's wrong, you're imagining things._ A moment later Dumbledore stiffened perceptibly, then turned and strode quickly to where Remus saw Fawkes sleeping in his cage. When Dumbledore approached, however, Fawkes looked up and stretched, raising his wings and cocking his magnificent head. "I need you to fetch Rubeus Hagrid," Dumbledore said quietly. Fawkes disappeared with a flash, and Dumbledore returned to his desk. Remus was alarmed to see that all light had disappeared from his eyes.

"Sir, what's wrong?"

Dumbledore looked up, and Remus was stunned to see a tear tracking down the side of his long nose. "Remus," he said gently. "You should sit down."

* * *

The first thing James was aware of was that his left arm hurt. Badly. So did his left leg and the left side of his face. The alarming part, though, was that it felt wet as well. And he could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth. Rolling over as best he could in the cramped shed they used as an Apparition point, he pushed himself up – on his right side – and immediately regretted doing so as a wave of dizziness rolled over him.

_"I want you back in one piece,"_ Lily's words rang in his ears. Damn.

When his vision cleared, he was careful to move more slowly as he carefully, painfully pushed himself into a more upright position and started casting healing and diagnostic spells. As the results from his diagnostics came up, James realized that he was lucky to be alive. He had a long, deep gash on his leg, as well as one from his left temple, past his ear and down on his neck. And, on his left hand, he was missing two fingers. Cursing, James conjured bandages, which he did his best to secure tightly around his wounds. After he checked on Lily, he would have to make a trip to St. Mungo's. Lily would probably curse him herself when she realized he had Apparated out of a duel. If she was all right.

Taking a deep breath, James braced himself against the wall pushed himself all the way up to standing. Then, finding the latch, he pushed the door open and stepped into the abandoned lot across from his house.

For a brief moment, he thought he had somehow Disapparated to the wrong shed. The street before him was filled with muggle vehicles with flashing lights, and behind that was a house with half the roof blown away. James stood frozen, staring at the chaos which surrounded his house, then started forward at a run, adrenaline and fear replacing the pain of his injuries.

Reaching the road, he grabbed one of the muggles standing by one of the flashing cars. She was talking into something that was buzzing on her shoulder, but looked up, startled, when James interrupted.

"What happened?" he demanded, his eyes frantically scanning the scene. "Where's Lily?"

"I need a medic over here immediately," the woman said into her shoulder, then said to James, "It seems there was some sort of explosion here, we were called in by the neighbors. Do you know anything about this place?"

"It's my house," James said distractedly. "Lily – I need to find my wife and son."

A muggle in a yellow jacket appeared at his shoulder. James turned to him, trying to push away the dizziness in his head. "I need to find her – "

"I'm going to have you come sit in the ambulance," the man said. "You're hurt, and I would like to stop the bleeding –"

James jerked away from the man's grasp, his fingers curled around the wand in his pocket. His gaze fell again on the ruined house. _It can't have been Voldemort,_ he thought desperately. _We were under the Fidelius Charm, Wormtail would never – the Dark Mark, if he'd been here he would have left a Dark Mark_. He pushed towards the house, ignoring the muggles behind him. Lily and Harry were in there, he knew it, injured but alive –

Then he saw the stretcher, set off to the side, draped with a white blanket. The world seemed to slow as James approached it, and the only sound he could hear was his heart pounding in his chest. It was Lily. She was dead. Reaching the stretcher, James braced himself against it and pulled back the blanket with a shaking hand. Lily's still face lay before him, her eyes closed and wisps of hair stuck to her face where her tears had dried. Distantly, James was aware that the man with the yellow jacket was beside him again, talking, but his words were falling on deaf ears. All James could do was stare in horror at the woman he had loved for so long, the woman who had finally said yes, the woman who had loved him back. Lily, gone, dead. He would never again see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her warm body against his.

"– we think it was a gas leak that killed her, then caused the explosion –"

James let his fingers gently caress her cold cheek, smoothing back her hair. Tears were falling down his face, but he didn't care. If Voldemort had done this, and James had no doubt that he had, then that meant that somehow the Fidelius had been broken. _W__ormtail__ betrayed you_, a voice whispered in James' mind, but he pushed it away. Maybe Peter had been captured, tortured into revealing their location – and now Voldemort had come and killed Lily, and Harry…. Surely his little son would not have survived the Dark Lord's sentence. But he had to be sure: "My son," James said hoarsely. "Harry – where is he?"

"We haven't found anyone else in the house," the man said. "We'll keep looking, though. Can you provide a description of your son?"

But James was shaking his head. If they hadn't found Harry, he wasn't there. Voldemort may have taken him to kill him as part of some terrible ceremony – James took a deep breath, trying to keep his mind from collapsing under the anger and the grief. He could deal with that later. Now he had to find Voldemort, and then he would kill him. Lily was dead, Remus should have been here but wasn't, who knew how or where Peter was – the only person left to James was Sirius. "I need some privacy," James whispered. "Just – just a moment –"

The man looked worried. "You injuries," he began, but James interrupted him. "Please," he said, and the man gave him a helpless look before turning and starting back to the large yellow-and-green vehicle that stood a few yards away.

James knew he shouldn't be Apparating right now, especially when he had just splinched himself. But what choice did he have, really? Glancing around to make sure no one was looking, James focused firmly on Sirius' flat and Disapparated.

He stumbled as he landed, overwhelmed by nausea and dizziness, but he didn't think he had splinched himself again – at least, he didn't think anything major was missing. Taking a few deep breaths to steady himself, James pushed himself up and looked around. He was in Sirius' flat – he'd Apparated straight in – but it was empty. For a moment James panicked. Surely Sirius was here – surely nothing had happened – Pulling his mirror from his pocket, James cried "Sirius Black!" Trembling, James stumbled back into one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen area and reached up to wipe away the tears that were still streaming down his face. _Lily's d__ead__, Harry's g__one_. "Sirius Black!" There was nothing, and James' fingers tightened around the edge of the mirror. "No, pick up, damn it – Sirius Black!"

And then Sirius' face appeared, looking shaken and almost mad. "James!" he cried, and James saw stark relief spread across his features. "Where are you?!"

"Here," James replied shakily, suddenly dizzy again. _How much blood have I lost?_ "I'm here – your place –"

Sirius' face disappeared from the mirror and there was a loud crack. Then Sirius was there, running forward to fling his arms around James. "Oh thank Merlin," he said after a moment, leaning back and holding James before him so he could look him up and down. "James, I thought you were dead."

"She's gone," James whispered. Suddenly, with Sirius here, he felt it all come crashing down, and he couldn't breath with the weight of it. "They're both gone –"

"I'm so, so sorry."

"I should have waited," James choked. "If I'd – I should have been there. I w-would have _killed_ the bastard."

"No," Sirius said firmly. "No, James, he would have killed you, too. I need you alive. _Harry_ needs you alive."

"Harry's –"

"Alive," Sirius said. "He was silenced, and he had a cut on his forehead, but he's alive, James, and safe. I tried to take him, but Dumbledore sent Hagrid to take him to Petunia's. James –" Sirius' tone sharpened as he fingered the bandages James had hastily applied to his injuries. "You're hurt. You're bleeding!"

James shook his head, trying to stand up. If Harry was alive, then there was only one place he needed to be right now. "Harry," he said, staggering against Sirius, who hastily stood and caught him with an alarmed look on his face. "I need – Harry needs me."

"Right," Sirius said, and James was vaguely aware that something was wrong. Sirius was looking at him funny, and he should know what it meant, but he was too tired, shocked, and too focused on staying upright to pay it any attention. "Right," Sirius said, gripping James' arm firmly. "We're not Apparating, though. I have some emergency portkeys, we'll take one of those. _Accio __portkey._" He pointed his wand at the breadbox on the counter and a saltshaker came flying out of it. The last thing James was aware of was Sirius' firm grip on his arm and the sharp pull on his navel as he simultaneously fainted and was pulled into the swirling whirlwind of portkey transportation.

* * *

Sirius stumbled under James' weight when they landed, and only just managed to not drop him. Lowering him swiftly to the floor of St. Mungo's emergency portkey station, Sirius glanced around for help. One of the on-call emergency healer was already there, though, and stepped forward to start assessing the damage.

"What was the cause of injury?"

"I'm guessing he either splinched himself or got hit by a nasty curse," Sirius replied, stepping back to give the healer more room.

"Splinching," the healer said decisively. She banished the bandages that James had apparently hastily applied to himself, and wrapped him in new, clean ones. "Name?" she asked, summoning James' wand and lifting him on a stretcher.

Sirius hesitated. "Evan Greene." He winced as the healer's eyebrows rose in disbelief, but thankfully she didn't press it. Sirius followed as she walked James out of the emergency portkey station, but she stopped him as she levitated James into one of the healing rooms. "I'll ask you to stay here for now," she said apologetically. "I need to patch him up, but you'll be able to come in in a few minutes when I've finished. These aren't complicated injuries, he just needs dittany, some Skell-Grow and a good dose of blood-replenishing potion."

Sirius hesitated, then nodded and sank into one of the chairs outside to wait. He sat still, staring at his hands, trying to sort his emotions. He was devastated by the fact that Lily was dead, that Peter had been the traitor. On the other hand, he was so relieved that James was alive that he felt he might float. He was also terrified, though. Terrified of the feeling that had consumed him when he left the Potter's cottage before, the darkness that had overtaken him and left him without any will except to hunt down and kill Wormtail. He had barely felt the burn of the mirror in his pocket, and had only responded because he thought it might be Peter who had taken James' mirror. In retrospect he realized that this had been an irrational assumption, but he hadn't been thinking very clearly at the time. Then James was alive, but looked like he had aged fifty years in the four hours since Sirius had seen him last. When James had asked to be taken to Harry, Sirius had instead made the decision to take him to St. Mungo's because, as he had rightly assumed, James could barely stand. Harry was safe for the moment, and James wouldn't do him any good showing up unconscious and covered in blood.

For almost an hour Sirius sat in the hall, waiting for the healer to call him in. Idly, he thought it was good he had fallen asleep that afternoon. He knew he wouldn't be getting to sleep any time soon, and he needed to be alert for James.

Sirius stood up and was about to approach the door to see if he could see James yet when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the darting movement of someone trying to stay hidden. _Danger!_ His brain shouted, and he hurled himself back into the chairs just in time to avoid a red stunner that flew through the air. Hastily erecting a shield, Sirius peered over the chair he was now using as cover. "Mad-Eye!" he yelled, recognizing his assailant but not lowering his wand. "What the bloody hell?!"

"Hand over your wand, Black, we've got you surrounded!"

"The fuck I will! What are you doing?" Sirius' shield broke as a disarmer hit it, and he hastily erected another. Then he jerked to the side as another stunner burst over his shoulder from behind. Making sure to keep his front shield strong, he threw a returning stunner over his shoulder. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to have hit anyone. This, however, seemed to spur Mad-Eye into action. He started throwing curses and hexes left and right, and it was all Sirius could do to keep himself covered. For a good five minutes he kept himself wrapped in a strong shield, and he was bizarrely reminded of the Auror training program. Though perhaps not so bizarrely, as it appeared half the Auror Office had him cornered.

"_Stupefy!_" Five spells exploded against his shield at once, effectively shattering it. Then, immediately following, "_Incarcerous!_"

Sirius tripped and fell to the ground, encased in ropes. "_Diffindo,_" he yelped, but it didn't come even close, instead ripping a long gash in the wall.

"Don't struggle," Mad-Eye warned, approaching him cautiously. Sirius lay still, but his mind was racing to figure out what was going on. At least five Aurors now had him surrounded, and Mad-Eye was treating him like he was a bomb about to explode, to use the muggle term. They were treating him like he was a Death Eater.

_ Shit._

Sirius experienced a sinking feeling as he realized what was happening. Of course people knew by now what had happened to the Potters, which meant that Dumbledore knew, which meant that he thought Sirius had betrayed them to Voldemort. _Damn it!_

"You don't know what you're doing," he said urgently.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Black. I'm taking you straight to Azkaban."


	3. A Place to Be Safe

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

James came awake suddenly, and immediately started to panic. Something was wrong, dreadfully wrong. _Harry._ His eyes snapped open and he jolted upright, only to be consumed by a wave of dizziness. Groaning, he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. _No, I'm not dealing with this right now!_ Slowly the dizziness subsided, and when he looked up he was surprised to find himself in a clean, white room. St. Mungo's. _Harry._ More cautiously this time, he pushed the sheets back and swung his legs off the bed. He was relieved to see his glasses and wand sitting on the table beside his bed and, grabbing them, he got carefully to his feet and was about to leave when he was intercepted by a healer. _Lily._ James raised his wand, as much to keep the memories at bay as to warn off the healer, who looked like she wanted to put him back in his bed.

"I'm leaving," he said shakily.

"Not in that shape, you're not." The healer reached for James' wand, but he jerked it out of reach.

"You can't hold me here against my will. I'm leaving."

The healer hesitated, and James took that chance to push past her. In the hall, however, he stopped. Sirius had taken him here, so he should be around somewhere. Where was he?

"Mr. Greene!"

James took off, walking swiftly towards the lobby. He could find Sirius once he was out of here. Thank God he was on the first floor, he didn't think he could handle stairs at the moment.

"Mr. Greene, you can't just walk out!"

James ignored her.

"At least let me do one last diagnostic. It's protocol."

Sighing, James turned and spread his arms. "Fine. Make it quick."

A few minutes later, James was standing on the muggle street outside St. Mungo's. Ducking into an alley, he tried to remember where Lily's sister Petunia lived. Surrey, wasn't it? Little Whinging? He twisted, and a moment later staggered onto the muggle street where Lily's sister lived. He cursed as he felt a twinge of pain in his shoulder and felt the warm trickle of blood. Maybe he should have listened to the healer and not Apparated. Quickly he conjured a bandage to stem the bleeding, then looked up and down the street. _Which one was Petunia's?_ They all looked the same.

Walking up to the nearest house, James knocked three times. He was answered a few seconds later by an elderly man in a bathrobe.

"Good day, sir. Can you tell me where Petunia Evans – no wait, it's Dursley now, isn't it? Can you tell me where Petunia Dursley lives?"

The man stared at James for a minute, as though he couldn't quite figure something out. Then he lifted a finger and pointed down the street. "Number Four, Privet Drive," he said loudly.

James thanked the man, and turned down the street. He had visited, once, at Petunia's baby shower. Lily had wanted to go, but she had left in tears after Petunia called her a freak in front of everyone. James still remembered the anger he'd felt towards her at the time. He had promised himself never to let anyone hurt Lily like that again. And now Lily was gone, and Harry was with Petunia.

Reaching Privet Drive, James walked swiftly down the street, counting the mailboxes until he reached Number Four. Walking up the driveway, he knocked firmly on the door then stood back, waiting.

The door was opened by a walrus of a man with almost no neck and a huge mustache. Vernon, wasn't it? "We're not buying anything," the man growled. The door slammed shut in James' face.

"Wait," James called, knocking on the door again. "I was told Harry was here. My son."

There was a short silence, and then James heard the man bellow, "Petunia! Someone's here for the boy!"

James knocked again, but the door remained shut. Inside, he could hear footsteps, the sound of a door slamming, and then the front door opened to reveal a skinny woman with a thin face. She was holding Harry out in front of her, like he was contaminated with something. He was crying.

"Here!" she thrust him at James. "Take it." James hastily took Harry into his arms, hugging him tightly and rubbing his back. "Hush," he murmured, kissing the top of Harry's head. "Daddy's here now, Harry. Hush." He looked up, and was mildly surprised to see Petunia still standing there, watching him with a strange look on her face. As much as he wanted to yell at her for letting Harry cry, for calling him "it," he also felt that might be a bit rude. So instead he said: "Thank you for looking after him."

Petunia nodded, still hesitating. She started to say something, then stopped, then blurted out, "Is it true that she's dead?"

James swallowed, looking down at the top of Harry's head. "Last night," he whispered.

Petunia nodded once, then said quietly, "Thank you. I'd appreciate it if you and your kind would stay away from my family now." And with that she turned on her heel and walked back inside, closing the door firmly behind her.

Walking to a nearby park, James sat on the bench and adjusted Harry in his arms so that he could look at him. The only physical injury that he could see was the jagged cut on his forehead that Sirius had mentioned. Harry had quieted as soon as James started walking away from Privet Drive, but now he started to whimper again.

"Dada," he whimpered. "Mama!"

"I know," James whispered, and felt tears begin to slide down his cheeks again. "I'm so, so sorry, Harry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I should have been there." Choking back a sob, he took a deep breath and looked up at the gray sky, blinking away the tears. He couldn't afford to fall apart right now. Harry needed him.

They sat together for a while, and soon Harry's breathing slowed, his eyelids drooped and his head nodded onto James' shoulder. Taking another deep breath, James tried to sort out what he was going to do. He couldn't go back to Godric's Hollow, that wasn't an option. He couldn't go to Dumbledore, because he had decided that it would be better if less people knew he was alive. The less people knew, the less chance there was of it getting to Voldemort, who would be out to get them again as soon as he learned Harry was still alive. He had decided that for now, the only person he would trust was Sirius. He would tell Remus once he had a plan for how to go forward.

Carefully reaching around Harry to get his mirror, James wondered where Sirius could be. He had brought James to St. Mungo's, of that James was sure. After that, though, James would have thought he'd have stayed. Maybe he had gone to get Remus. Or maybe he had gone to find Peter. James still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Peter had betrayed them, but he knew that Sirius would have no such hesitation.

"Sirius Black," James whispered, trying not to wake Harry. When there was no answer, James let out a growl of frustration. This was starting to become a problem. "Sirius Black," he tried again, a little louder.

After the fifth time, James started to worry. He stared at the mirror for a moment, then placed it back in his pocket and took out his wand. Luckily it was the middle of the morning on a workday, so there were no muggles around to worry about. And if there were muggles where Sirius was, well, this was an emergency. And he wasn't answering his mirror.

Summoning an image of Lily on their wedding day, James said quietly "_Expecto patronum._" Nothing happened. He stared, shaken, at the place where his patronus should have been. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "_Expecto patronum._" The day Harry was born. Nothing. "_Expecto patronum!_" Breathing heavily, James desperately took in great gulps of air, as though that would fuel his patronus. Something happy, he needed a happy memory. For some reason the ones he normally used weren't working. In his arms, Harry stirred and James closed his eyes, caressing Harry's hair. The look on Remus' face after the first full moon when James, Sirius and Peter accompanied him as animagi. "_Expecto patronum!_"

Nothing.

Harry whimpered, and James held him close, rocking back and forth. "Harry, what do I do?" he whispered. "I need you to be safe, we need a place to go. Tell me, Harry, what should I do? What would Mummy do?"

"Mama," Harry whimpered. James felt his small hands clasping his jacket, and he kissed the top of Harry's head. "Uncle Padfoot isn't answering, and Daddy can't make a patronus," James said, trying not to think about what either of those meant. "Dumbledore's not an option. Uncle Moony's at Greyback's … but he wouldn't mind if we stayed at his house. Okay, Harry." James took a deep breath and, gathering Harry close, stood carefully. "We're going to stay at Uncle Moony's for a bit. And we'll see if Moony can help us find Uncle Padfoot."

* * *

It was raining when James stepped off the muggle bus onto the street that would take him to Remus' house. He was lucky to have married Lily, he thought. Because she was Muggle-born, she always insisted that they carry around a few pounds of muggle cash for emergencies. He was running low, though, of both wizard and muggle money.

Unbuttoning his jacket, he wrapped it around Harry, who had been quiet almost the entire journey. James was grateful, but also a bit worried. Sirius had said he found Harry in the closet, bloody and silenced. What had Harry seen?

Casting a warming charm on himself and Harry, he set off through the dreary November rain towards Moore Street, which would take him to Oak Lane (Pvt), down which, for almost two miles, there was nothing. At the very end of Oak Lane sat the small house that Remus called home. Usually he just Apparated there, but with Harry and especially in his current condition, there was no way he was going to risk Apparition.

Ten minutes later, after walking on Moore Street, James turned down Oak Lane. As he walked through the skeletal trees, he cautiously allowed himself to start thinking. It was a bit unfair to just show up on Remus' doorstep without warning, especially when Remus probably wouldn't be there, but it was an emergency and James could pay him for any inconvenience. It wasn't like he didn't have the money. He could stay at Remus' for at least one night, or until he could figure out where to go, and he could try to contact Sirius again. Frowning, James hoped fervently that Remus was okay. The conditions he had left him in hadn't exactly been ideal, and there was nothing James could do about that right now. In any other circumstance, James would already be back at the camp by now, or he wouldn't have Disapparated at all. Sighing, James quickened his pace. He needed to get to safety, eat, sleep, and then find Sirius and Remus. _Please let them be safe._

It was getting dark by the time James reached Remus' house. Harry had fallen asleep again, and James was so hungry and tired he could hardly think straight. Walking up to the door, he placed his hand against it and said "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." There was a light click, and James pushed the door open, shutting it quickly behind him and leaning against it, breathing a sigh of relief. After a minute, he pushed himself up and walked over to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for something, anything that he and Harry could eat. Finding some canned beans and a loaf of bread, he set Harry down gently on the table, trying to arrange his coat so that it both covered Harry and acted as a pillow. Once he was sure Harry wouldn't fall off, he set about cooking the beans and slicing the bread.

After he ate, he woke Harry gently. "Harry, kiddo, wake up." Harry opened his eyes and James blinked, momentarily shocked. Somehow he had never noticed before quite how much they resembled Lily's. Swallowing, he shifted Harry sideways in his arms and took a spoonful of beans. "How about some dinner, Harry?"

It took a while, but eventually James got Harry to consume ten spoonfuls of bean mush and a small piece of bread. Then he wearily piled everything into the sink, telling himself he would deal with it later, and walked to the small couch Remus owned. Taking off his boots, he transfigured his jacket into blanket and lay down, holding Harry close to him and covering them both. Harry fell asleep quickly, and for a while James lay there, staring at the ceiling and stroking Harry's back. Closing his eyes, he saw Lily before him, laughing and holding Harry, looking so happy. Then he saw her standing at the bottom of the stairs, smiling gently at him and telling him to go. _I want you back in one piece._ Those had been the last words she'd said to him. But what had he said? Had he told her he loved her? He couldn't remember. Taking a deep breath, he let it out, and with that breath a wave of grief seemed to crash over him and he started crying uncontrollably, sobbing deep in his chest. It was a long time before his sobbing subsided and he finally managed to drift into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Remus walked tiredly up the road to his house. He could have Apparated right in, but he'd needed the walk to clear his mind. He'd had a full day, and tomorrow was going to be even worse. James and Lily were dead, Harry was at Petunia's, and Peter was missing. Remus supposed the only good thing that had come out of this day was Sirius being caught. For some reason he had been at St. Mungo's, and apparently he had put up quite a fight when the Aurors tried to subdue him. The fact that no one had been hurt surprised Remus: he knew how good of a duelist Sirius was.

That day, he had mostly been helping clean things up at the Potters' ruined house in Godric's Hollow. Then he had Apparated to Peter's house, only to find him missing. He'd immediately contacted the Aurors, who'd in turn asked Sirius. Apparently, Sirius had answered, "If I knew where he was, he'd be dead." Remus supposed that meant Peter was alive, but it still hurt him deeply. Sirius had been their friend, they had trusted him – how could he have betrayed them?

Reaching his house, Remus murmured the password to the door and slipped into the dark house, relieved to be home. Leaning against the door, he buried his head in his hands, holding the tears at bay. He wouldn't cry. He could save that for after the funeral. _The funeral._ He didn't want to think about tomorrow, when he would have to think about what he was going to do for James' and Lily's funeral.

Sighing, he lowered his hands and raised his head, only to freeze. There, asleep on his couch, lay James Potter, clutching a sleeping Harry to his chest. Staggering over to the nearest chair, Remus sank into it, staring at them. No. How was it possible? James was dead! _But they never found his body. And he was with me when Lily's patronus arrived. But Harry's supposed to be at his aunt's…._ Remus couldn't pull his eyes away. Desperately, so bad it hurt, he wanted what he saw to be true. But the logical side of his brain told him it wasn't possible. Harry was at his aunt's. Dumbledore had said that James was dead. _Sirius_ had said that James was dead.

And yet here James was, with Harry, asleep on his couch. No one but James, Peter, Sirius and himself were able to get into this house.

"Unca Mooey!"

Remus looked at Harry, who was wriggling in James' arms. He managed to free himself from James, who only groaned, and almost tumbled off the couch before Remus darted forward and grabbed him just in time. "Mooey, Unca Padoo," Harry gurgled.

"Moony."

Remus looked up into James' eyes, and knew at once without a doubt that it was him. His eyes were red, like he'd been crying, and even after having been asleep he looked tired and drained. Nevertheless, he pushed himself up and reached for Harry, who Remus gave to him. James hugged Harry close, kissed him, then looked up at Remus. "I'm sorry we just barged in, Moony. I – we didn't have anywhere else to go."

Remus just shook his head. "You're alive," he whispered. "Oh James, thank Merlin, you're alive." Then, before he could stop himself, he started crying. "I'm sorry, James, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

James frowned. "What are you talking about, Remus? You didn't tell Voldemort where we lived. You didn't – " James' voice broke, and he cleared his throat. "You didn't kill Lily."

"If I'd come with you, I could have helped. If we'd Apparated out as soon as we saw Lily's patronus, she wouldn't have died. If I'd offered to be Secret Keeper, you wouldn't have been betrayed – "

"Remus. Stop." Something in James' voice made Remus' voice die instantly. "It's not your fault, no one knew. If I'd known, do you think any of this would be happening right now? No one suspected him. Merlin, Sirius suspected _you_. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me for believing him."

Remus shook his head, watching Harry who was trying to grab James' glasses. "They caught him," he said at last. "Sirius. He was taken to Azkaban last night."

For a moment, James looked confused, and then his eyes widened and a look of panic flashed across his face. "No," he said urgently, "no, Moony, listen to me. It wasn't Padfoot – it was Peter. Shit." James' hand sprung up and through his hair, making it stick up even more than usual. "Shit, why didn't I think of that?"

Remus stared at him. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly. "Sirius was Secret Keeper."

"No, Moony, we switched, and it was the worst decision of my life." James closed his eyes, looking pained. "Sirius was the obvious choice, that was the whole point. We would tell everyone he was Secret Keeper, but it was actually Peter. That way, if Voldemort ever captured Sirius, he wouldn't be able to tell him anything. It was such a brilliant idea, Remus." He opened his eyes. "It was the worst bloody decision of my entire life."

Remus stared at James, his mind racing as he tried take in that information. Lily was dead, and here was James, alive, telling him that Sirius, their Secret Keeper, was innocent. That Sirius _wasn't_ the Secret Keeper, but that Peter was. That Peter had betrayed them to Voldemort.

"Please, Remus, you need to believe me. We were going to tell you, yesterday in fact. Remus, Sirius can't go to Azkaban."

"Peter's missing," Remus whispered, the pieces clicking into place. "Sirius said he would kill him."

Harry started crying then, and James hurried to quiet him, bouncing him and making shushing noises. Remus watched them, feeling helpless. He could see in James' eyes that he was struggling to stay in control, to keep his sanity in the face of all this turmoil. James desperately needed help, help that he didn't know he needed, help that Remus, though he wished with all his heart, couldn't provide. Sirius would know what to do. James needed Sirius.

Remus stood, rubbing his eyes. Sleep would have to wait. "Stay here," he said quietly. "I'm going to the Ministry to see what I can do about Sirius."

James looked up, and he looked so pale and tired and miserable Remus was shaken. They'd always known James was the strong one, the one they could always rely on to become defensive on their behalf, who would stand by them no matter what. Now James looked on the verge of collapse, both physical and mental. The only time he'd looked like that before was when his parents were murdered by Death Eaters, and then Lily had been the one to help him, because Sirius was too upset to do anything himself. James needed Lily, but Lily wasn't here and the next best option was Sirius. Remus stood walked to the door and was about to leave when James asked quietly, "What are you going to say?"

Remus turned back, confused. "I'll tell them that there was a mistake, that Sirius is innocent. That you're alive."

James stood. "No. No one can know that I'm alive, Remus, please."

"Okay," Remus said slowly, lowering his hand from the doorknob. "Why not?"

"Because then Voldemort's going to come after us again, and I can't risk that. It's cowardly, and I know that, but I can't risk losing Harry."

Remus stared at James, confused for a moment, but then it dawned on him. "You don't know."

Now it was James' turn to look confused. "Don't know what?"

"Voldemort's dead. Something – something happened when he tried to kill Harry, and the spell backfired. He's gone, James."

What little color there was left in James' face faded, and he stumbled backwards, collapsing on the couch. Alarmed, Remus walked quickly to sit beside him. Never mind Sirius and Peter. James couldn't be alone right now. Carefully, Remus extracted Harry from James' tight grip as Harry started whimpering. Remus could tell that he was starting to become restless. James buried his face in hands, and Remus could feel him shaking.

"James – "

"No."

"Listen, just – "

"No, you listen. I can't do this, Remus." James' fists clenched in his hair, and his breaths were coming in ragged gasps. "Harry needed me and I wasn't there to help, to protect him. Sirius is going to Azkaban and it's my fault because I'm too bloody afraid to tell everyone I'm alive, I'm so, so afraid that I'll get Harry killed. Voldemort killed Lily, he tried to kill Harry, and he should have succeeded, Harry should be dead, Remus!" James was shouting now. "All this is my fault because I agreed to switch, I didn't trust you, I trusted Peter, and now Lily – Lily, I'm so sorry!" There were tears tracking down James' face, and Harry was crying now, too. Remus felt helpless, watching them cry, and knowing that the only thing keeping him from crying as well was the knowledge that James needed him to be strong right now. He had to be the one to hold the raft together.

After a minute of silence, James took a deep, shaky breath and released his hair, letting his hands fall limply to his lap. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I don't – I'm sorry, Remus. I shouldn't have shouted."

Remus shook his head, and James reached over to take Harry, who was still wailing. Remus stood, and made his way to the kitchen. "I'm making tea," he said over his shoulder. "I'll bring it out once it's done, and then we can discuss how we're going to get Sirius out of Azkaban."


	4. Azkaban

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Sirius sat in the corner of his cell, trying to understand how things had gotten out of hand so quickly. When Mad-Eye had said he would be taken straight to Azkaban, Sirius hadn't thought he'd meant literally. He'd thought he would be taken to one of the Ministry holding cells first to be questioned. Apparently, they thought he would be able to thwart Ministry security and escape. They were probably right too, Sirius had to admit. At least in school, he and James had been able to get out of almost any situation, and during his training as an Auror Sirius had made sure to learn the Ministry inside and out.

A dementor glided past, and Sirius closed his eyes, holding his breath. He had discovered that that seemed to help. Even so, he could feel the cold crawling under his skin, and the dementor's rattling breath start to leach the hope and happiness out of him. He hated dementors – whenever they came near, he couldn't help but remember some of the worst moments of his life….

_Lily on the floor, her red hair pooled around her terrified face like blood._

_ A phoenix patronus swooping into the room: "Come quickly. Potter Manor is under attack."_

_James sitting __in his flat__, bleeding and grief-stricken and terrified._

The dementor passed and Sirius took a deep breath, clenching his fists and trying to push the memories out of his head. He couldn't focus on something happy – that would only draw the dementor near him again. He tried to think of James, that James needed him. The only problem was that he couldn't actually do anything about that, which only made him feel helpless. What about Peter? Wormtail was a bloody traitor, and he needed to be caught. He should be here instead of Sirius. Sirius was innocent. Wasn't he? Hadn't he been the one to suggest the switch, to suggest Peter? So in the end, wasn't it his fault after all? Sirius let out a quiet groan. None of this was helping.

In the cell across from him, an emaciated witch was tracing her finger in the dust on the floor. Every once and awhile, Sirius noticed she would jolt up into a stiff, alert position. These actions didn't seem to be related to anything, or at least not as far as Sirius could see. They were completely random, and a second later she would relax and go back to tracing her finger in the dust like nothing had happened. She started up now, and Sirius watched her warily. He wondered briefly why she was in Azkaban, but was more curious about why she acted the way she did.

"Hey," he called. She didn't look up. "Hey, excuse me."

"Give it up," a new voice said. Sirius looked up, surprised, and saw a young guard leaning against the wall a few cells down. "She's mad. All of them are, and soon you will be too."

"I don't doubt that she's mad," Sirius said, getting up and walking to the door so he could have a better view of the guard he was talking to. "However, I myself have intention of losing my sanity."

The guard shook his head. "You see?" he said. "You're mad already. The longest anyone's kept their sanity in this place is two months."

To his surprise, Sirius found himself laughing. "Two months? Well then, I'll make sure to be out of here before two months are passed." Personally, he couldn't imagine being here longer than two weeks.

The guard's mouth twisted. "You still think you're getting a trial, don't you?"

Sirius stiffened, frowning. "What do you mean?" he growled.

The guard gave him a sympathetic look that made Sirius' stomach sink. "What do you mean?" he demanded again, louder this time.

"The Ministry is corrupt, that's what I mean. You're Sirius Black, right?" Sirius nodded. "You sold the Potters – you're best friends – to the Dark Lord, leaving their son an orphan. You're in league with the Dark Lord, and because you're a pureblood you are a Death Eater. That means that you have probably taken part in many other attacks of which there is no proof against you, but of which you are guilty nonetheless. Normally, you'd have a trial at which you'd be found guilty, and given a life sentence in Azkaban. But then there's the fact that you're a Black, and the Black family is notoriously Dark. Usually, this isn't a problem because the older pureblood families tend to be rich and it's of more benefit to the Ministry to hold a trial because the accused will try to pay their way out. You, however, were disowned and so have no substantial money or inheritance while your mother and brother are still alive. So why waste time and resources giving you a trial when you're obviously guilty and have no money to pay your way out?"

Sirius gaped at the man, speechless. Finally he managed to ask, "What happened to innocent before proven guilty?"

The guard shrugged. "Actually, I think that would be the Dark Lord. You see, with so many of his followers being caught every day, the Ministry doesn't have time to give everyone a fair trial."

"But I'm a Gryffindor!" Even as he said it, Sirius knew he was being childish, but he couldn't help it.

The guard's teeth flashed white in the gloom. "And I'm a Hufflepuff. What are the odds?"

They were interrupted by a shriek that came down the hall and moments later dissolved into hysterical laughter. Sirius glanced apprehensively down the dark corridor, and in the corner of his eye he saw the guard smile. _What kind of man smiles and holds conversations with prisoners in a place like this?_

"Hear that?" the guard asked. "That's the sound of insanity. Every hour it gets closer to the sane, creeping up one cell at a time. From the sound of it, it'll get here in about five days. So hold on to your sanity all you want, Sirius, but in the end it won't matter: you'll be as mental as the lot of us."

Sirius stared at the man, shivering in the sudden cold. Wait, cold? Staggering back, Sirius sank against the stone wall, hugging himself and closing his eyes against the memories as a dementor drifted up to his cell.

_"You're a Black, and the Black family is notoriously Dark."_

_ "You still think you're getting a trial, don't you?"_

_ "You sold the Potters – your best friends – to the Dark Lord, leaving their son an orphan."_

The cold faded and Sirius looked up, still shivering. The guard was nowhere in sight. "Wait," he called hoarsely, pulling himself to his feet. "Come back!" No answer, except for the mad cackling coming from down the corridor.

_"So hold onto your sanity all you want, Sirius, but __in the end it won't matter: you'll be as mental as the lot of us__."_

* * *

_**Boy-Who-Lived Found Missing!**_

_Harry Potter, now known to the wizarding world as the Boy-Who-Lived, was transferred to a safe, unspecified location after he single-handedly defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, assured concerned citizens that the strongest protections had been placed around the residence of this war hero. Said enchantments and protections seem to have failed, however, as this morning he has been reported missing. We fear that he may have been kidnapped by Death Eaters wishing to take revenge after the fall of their Lord. Any information on the whereabouts of the Boy-Who-Lived will be gratefully rewarded at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, or the Department of Management and Control of Magical Children. We must all hope for the safety of this hero of the Wizarding War, and hope that he has not fallen into the hands of the vengeful followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._

* * *

James awoke slowly, blinking drowsily in the mid-morning sunlight. A small part of him wanted to go back to sleep, to just sink back into oblivion, but the other part knew that he had to get up. There was a lot to be done today, and he had already slept through half of the morning.

Blinking his eyes open, he panicked for a second when he realized that Harry was no longer in his arms, then relaxed when he heard Harry's voice coming from a different room. Pushing himself up, James tried to listen to what Harry was saying, then realized that he was speaking gibberish. Harry would do that for hours on end sometimes, and neither James nor Lily had ever been able to figure out what he was talking about.

Swinging off the couch and onto his feet, James winced at how sore he was. He really shouldn't have Apparated as much as he had in the past two days. Walking towards Harry's voice, he found himself in Remus' room, where Harry was sitting on Remus' bed. Remus was propped on one elbow, still under his covers but listening attentively nonetheless. He looked up as James entered and smiled slightly. "He's been doing this all morning," he said, gesturing to Harry.

James walked over to the bed and sat on the end, legs crossed. "What've you been telling Uncle Moony about, little man?" Harry instantly turned his attention to James, his voice and accompanying gestures becoming more animated. As usual James tried his best to understand and, as usual, he failed miserably.

James and Remus sat watching and listening to Harry for a while, and it was some time before James realized that he could almost pretend that it was a normal day, that Lily was working and he and Remus were tasked with watching Harry. In a couple of hours, he would take Harry home and prepare dinner, and then Sirius would come over and tell James everything that had happened in the Auror Office that day – James sighed. Leaning forward, he ruffled Harry's hair. "Keep going, kiddo. I'm going to make breakfast, Uncle Moony will fill me in."

Harry paused and looked up at James, who felt a pang as their eyes met. Would he always be reminded of Lily when he looked at Harry? Pushing himself up, he glanced at Remus, who was looking at him questioningly. James swallowed. "Stay here. I'll bring breakfast when it's ready." He fled the room.

In the kitchen, James started blindly hunting for something to make. He needed a distraction, and he needed to pull himself together. He couldn't keep falling apart, especially not when he looked at Harry. Finding some eggs, he started Remus' stove with a wave of his wand, then tucked it into his back pocket before making the eggs the muggle way. It was something Lily had done every time she needed to be distracted, and it was a habit he had also picked up once she taught him how.

Twenty minutes later, James loaded a tray with two plates and one bowl of scrambled eggs and brought it into Remus' room, where Remus had dressed and was now casting glowing bubbles for Harry to catch. "Harry," James said, taking a seat on the bed and passing a plate to Remus. "Come and eat something. I made it special, just for you."

"Unca Mooey, mowa, mowa!" Harry ignored James. Remus grinned, placing his wand on the bedside table and gently directing Harry towards James. "Not now, Harry. Now it's time to eat."

They ate in silence until Remus finished and pushed his plate aside. "So," he said. "We need a way to get Padfoot out of Azkaban."

James nodded. "I'm not sure how.… "

"What if we told Dumbledore that you were alive? We wouldn't have to tell everyone, just him. He would make sure Sirius got a trial, and that he was found innocent."

Immediately, James felt a panicky feeling start to build up in his chest. He knew that it was irrational, but every time James thought of his old headmaster he thought of the endless fighting, the broken Fidelius, and the prophecy which had painted a target on his child's back. Dumbledore was a good man and a powerful wizard, the only man Voldemort had ever feared. But danger and death shadowed his footsteps as much as they had Voldemort's, and right now James needed to focus on being safe and keeping Harry alive. Dumbledore wasn't an option right now. "No. I'm sorry, Remus, I know that would be the easiest option. I just can't."

Remus stared down at his hands folded in his lap, thinking, while James piled the empty plates on the tray and set it aside. Harry rolled onto his back and started talking again, pointing to random spots on the ceiling.

"An dare's dat one, an dat one, an dat one – "

"We need to get in somehow," James said, watching Harry. It was like planning a prank, he thought. _Slip in, slip out, and no one will know you're there until you're gone_. "Then I'll switch places with Sirius. I'll be under the polyjuice potion, and once it wears off I'll yell for a guard. They'll let me out because I'm me, and I'll obliviate them and come back here."

But Remus was already shaking his head. "No, that won't work. First off, they're likely to think that you're a Death Eater pretending to be you. Secondly, you know that we're not allowed to bring wands into Azkaban, so you wouldn't be able to obliviate anyone. They'd probably call in Dumbledore or the minister or someone anyway, and you've already said that you don't want that."

"Well then how do you suppose we should do this?" James asked mulishly. Remus didn't say anything, and James was left staring angrily at his hands which were clenched in his lap. Every second they argued about a rescue plan was a second longer that Sirius was in Azkaban. James and Sirius had both been to Azkaban as part of Auror training, and James could still remember how the dementors had affected both of them, but Sirius in particular. He had been quiet and broody for a full two days afterwards, and it had taken James, Remus and Lily combined to get him to snap out of it. Peter had been sick. _He's been sick a lot recently_, James realized. He shook his head. _Focus. __One friend at a time._ "Sorry," he muttered.

"Well, now that I think about it, that actually might work," Remus said thoughtfully. "Not the you part," he said hastily as James looked up in surprise. "The switching part. Maybe we could… I don't know, get someone who should be in Azkaban, or someone who would be let out immediately if they were discovered." James raised an eyebrow, and Remus sighed. "All right, fine. No one would be released immediately because they'd be under suspicion and no Death Eater would willingly go to Azkaban."

"Dada, ways Unca Padoo?"

James looked down to see that Harry was sitting up, looking worriedly at him. When James paused, trying to figure out how to answer, Harry's frown deepened and he turned to Remus. "Ways Unca Padoo?" he asked, his voice escalating with each word.

"Uncle Padfoot's in Azkaban, Harry," James said. "That's a bad place where he shouldn't be, and Uncle Moony and I are trying to figure out how to get him out." James sighed, reaching out to ruffle Harry's hair. "Got any ideas, little man?"

"Maybe we could use the invisibility cloak," Remus said suddenly, his eyes on Harry. "You said Dumbledore has it now, but I could get it back without raising suspicion. We could sneak in that way –"

"That's brilliant," James breathed, staring at Remus. "We'll both go in, cover Sirius with the invisibility cloak, and walk straight back out. I can transfigure something to look like Sirius so the guards won't get suspicious, and the dementors …" here James paused, frowning.

"You know," Remus said after a moment of silence, "Maybe they won't notice anything at all. That cloak's special, you know."

James looked at him, confused. "Well yes, invisibility cloaks aren't exactly commonplace, especially not good ones –" but Remus was already shaking his head. "That's not what I meant," he explained. "I mean whenever you or Sirius put on that cloak, you _actually_ disappeared. Sometimes I could tell that you were in the room, but for example if you accidentally made a noise, I could never pinpoint it. I think that cloak doesn't just conceal the wearer: it conceals their very existence."

James frowned again, but then it dawned on him what Remus was suggesting. "So you think that the dementors won't be able to find Sirius under the cloak?"

Remus shrugged. "It's just a theory, but yeah, I do."

They talked for another hour, discussing the finer points of their plan. When Harry started crying, James stood, taking him into his arms. "Time to change his nappy," he grimaced apologetically at Remus.

Remus stood, picking up the empty breakfast tray that still sat on the bed. "I should go, anyway. We've got most of the plan figured out anyway, and the sooner I get the cloak the sooner we can get Padfoot out of Azkaban."

* * *

Sirius paced the perimeter of his cell, counting the steps. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, turn. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, turn._ Even though it had only been five days, it felt that the dementors had somehow permanently entered his head. Although he didn't like to admit it, it was getting harder and harder to keep the hope that he would get a trial, that surely he wouldn't be here for the rest of his life.

_One, two, three, four …_

_Harry crying in the ruined house, blood running down his face._

_ Five, six, seven, turn …_

_ James' haunted eyes on him. "They're dead. It's your fault they're dead."_

Sirius shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts. That wasn't even a memory, James hadn't said that.

_That doesn't mean he doesn't blame you__. You suggested the switch._

_I didn't sell him to Voldemort!_

_ You as good as. This is all your fault._

_Shut up! __Focus, Padfoot._ Sirius lengthened his strides. _One, two, three, four, five, six, turn._ He needed to focus, find out how to contact Dumbledore, convince him that he was innocent. _I need to get out of here, I need to find James, he needs help._

_ James covered in blood, sagging against Sirius and begging to be taken to Harry._

"Black, you have a visitor."

Sirius looked up from his pacing, surprised to see one of the guards and another man standing outside his cell. Frowning, he tried to remember if he had ever seen the man before. Probably at some Ministry meeting, he decided. Or maybe they had been at school around the same time. Even so, he couldn't think of a reason for anyone to be visiting him. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the wall and mustered what he thought must be a fairly convincing grin. "What can I do for you?"

"Sir, if you wouldn't mind." The strange man looked pointedly at the guard, and Sirius felt a jolt in the back of his mind. _I know who that is!_ But he still couldn't place it. Scowling, the guard turned and walked down the corridor. "You have fifteen minutes," he called over his shoulder.

As soon as the guard was gone, the man turned to Sirius, who was still trying to figure out who he was. They stood in silence for a minute, and Sirius got the feeling that the man was waiting for him to recognize him. Annoyed, Sirius said, "Well, are you going to tell me your name? You obviously know mine, since I assume you don't just go around visiting random prisoners."

The man's mouth twitched. "Really, Padfoot? Well, I guess it was always you and James who used polyjuice potion. I never much liked it."

Sirius jerked upright, staring. "Moony?" In one stride he was standing in front of the man. "Swear."

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Listen, Padfoot, I – "

"What's my favorite animal?" Sirius interrupted. He had to be sure.

"A big, black, shaggy dog that looks like a bear. Now listen, because we don't have much time. You take these." The man who was Remus shoved a bundle into Sirius' hands, and Sirius was shocked to discover that it was James' invisibility cloak. As he held it out before him, two chocolate frogs and a rock tumbled out.

"You eat the chocolate. I need you awake and alert for this to work. The rock is timed to transform in ..." Remus looked down at his watch. "three minutes. Shit, I thought we'd have more time."

"So talk faster," Sirius said dazedly. He was still recovering from the shock of seeing Remus standing before him, and in the back of his mind he wondered if this might be a dementor-induced hallucination.

"Right. Just before the rock transforms, you start yelling at me – they think I'm your lawyer, so make something up. Hopefully that guard will come running with some dementors, and they'll let one in. This will be the hardest part, because you have to let the dementor back you into the corner where that rock is, then I'll distract the guard and you'll cover yourself with the cloak and slip out. The guard will think that the rock is you, collapsed in the corner, and won't think twice about it. It's pretty straight forward from there – you follow me out, we smuggle you across the water, and then once I get my wand back I'll take you in Side-Along apparition to my house. Now, we've got one minute before that rock transforms." Taking a deep breath, Remus looked Sirius in the eye and said "This is going to work."

Sirius mustered a weak grin. "Of course it is."

Remus' mouth twitched, then he squared his shoulders and raised his voice. "Black, be reasonable."

"I'm not not bringing my family into this!"

Almost immediately, the guard that had escorted Remus in re-appeared, his wand raised slightly. "What's going on?"

Sirius' hand shot through the bars of his cell and he grasped Remus' shirt, pulling him roughly against the bars. "You're a fool," he hissed, "if you think that –" suddenly the temperature plummeted, and Sirius stumbled backwards as two dementors appeared. "Subdue him," the guard ordered, casting a patronus. "Mr. Lewis, if you would come behind me."

The door opened and Sirius backed into the corner where he had tossed the rock, trying to block out the dementors' effects. _T__his will never work, they're sure to catch on – then it will be both me and Remus is here –_ Shaking, Sirius crouched and buried his face in his hands, using the motion to conceal the fact that he was stuffing one of Remus' chocolate frogs in his mouth. Miraculously, this cleared his head somewhat, although it didn't have the usual warming effect. He was actually shivering from cold now.

"Who's screaming?" Sirius realized that this was Remus, sounding both confused and frightened. "Black's not, look at him. Who's screaming?"

Realizing that this was his distraction, Sirius quickly pulled the cloak over his head just as he got knocked forward into the dementors by the rock expanding behind him.

_"__I don't think it should be me."_

_ "Why not?" James looked confused and hurt, and Lily too looked __as though she'd like an explanation__. To Sirius, though, it was clear. How c__ould__ they __not__ see it?_

_ "__It shouldn't be me," he repeated, leaning forward __across the dining room table__. "Think, Prongs. Who's your best mate? Who's the person you would trust with your life? With, Lily's, with Harry's? Me. I know that, you know that, Dumbledore knows that. Malfoy knows it, Bellatrix knows it, Voldemort knows it. So who are people going to come after when they figure out you're under the Fidelius?"_

_James looked uncertain. "Sirius –"_

_ Sirius held up a hand, smiling crookedly. "No, listen. They'll come after me. I know that, and if that were the only thing that might happen I wouldn't hesitate. You know I'd do anything for you and Lily and Harry. But ..." Sirius took a deep breath. He couldn't quite believe he was about to say this, but it had to be said – even if it made him look like anything but the Gryffindor that he was. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll get caught, and that they will force me to tell them where you all are. I couldn't live with myself, knowing that you had trusted me and I had betrayed you."_

_ "They'd never be able to make you, Sirius. I know you, you're stronger than that."_

_ "But I don't know that, and that's what makes me scared. So I can't be your __S__ecret __K__eeper. But listen. Let's have Peter be __S__ecret __K__eeper. __We can trust __him__, and then when Voldemort comes after me, I won't be able to tell him anything, because I'll have nothing to tell. But he won't know that. You'll be safe."_

_ "We would have been safer with you. It's your fault, Padfoot. Your fault Lily's dead."_

_ Sirius opened his mouth to protest as the scene swirled around him. "I tried, I know, I'm sorry! Prongs, I'm so sorry!"_

_ "Your fault," the words swirled around him, cloaking him in a blanket of blame and he was falling, falling. "Your fault, all your fault, Sirius Black!"_

_No! I'm getting out, I'm going to help, I'm going to make up for it. I need to focus._

_ Focus._

Sirius blinked, and realized that the dementors were retreating. Panicked, knowing that the door would lock again as soon as the dementors were out of his cell, Sirius pushed himself shakily to his feet and staggered to the door, slipping out just as the guard reached forward to swing it shut. Sliding to the ground in the dim corridor, Sirius took a minute to catch his breath. _In, hold, out quietly. In, hold, out quietly._ Carefully, trying to not crinkle the wrapper, he shakily unwrapped his last chocolate frog and stuffed it in his mouth, sighing as his mind cleared somewhat and he felt slightly warmer. Climbing to his feet, Sirius carefully arranged the cloak so that it wouldn't easily come off or slip sideways. _Now, Padfoot. Time to leave._


	5. Accepting the Unacceptable

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Remus sat in the dimly lit visitor's room, sipping hot chocolate and trying to block out the screams of his younger self that were still ringing in his ears. He had seen dementors before, and of course had heard Sirius and James explain their effects after their visit to Azkaban, but he himself had never had the chance to experience those effects. Inwardly he shuddered, and took another sip of hot chocolate. Hopefully he would never have to encounter one again. He'd heard that the effects got worse the more you were exposed.

"How's that?" The guard – Cunnings, Remus remembered his name was – entered the room.

"Better, thank you."

"Didn't go quite as planned, did it?"

Remus sighed. "No, it didn't. I thought Black would be more reasonable, but really I don't know what I expected. He's a Death Eater, after all. They aren't a notoriously sane bunch."

"Ah well. Not too much of a loss, is it. About ready to head back?"

Remus stood, setting his now empty mug on the plain wooden table. "Yes, thank you." As the guard turned to lead him to the dock, Remus quickly scanned the room with his eyes, looking for any sign of Sirius. The last Remus had seen of him, Sirius had been crouched in the corner of his cell, head bowed as the dementors approached. Then Remus had distracted the guard, and Sirius had disappeared under the cloak. That didn't mean he had made it out, though. Flicking his eyes across the room one more time, Remus left, leaving the door open behind him. He didn't know what he would do if Sirius hadn't managed to get out.

The sea was stormy when Remus boarded the small ferry, and the wind was blowing spray up against the shore and small dock that jutted out from the barren rock that housed Azkaban. Sinking down onto one of the rickety wooden seats, he gratefully accepted the bar of chocolate the ferryman gave him, breaking it in half and reveling in the warmth that spread through him as he sucked on it.

"I've prob'ly eaten about an hundred of those things over th' years," the ferryman remarked as they started off.

"I don't blame you."

"Yeah. Horrible, dementors are. Almost makes yeh feel bad for them stuck in there." He jerked his head back towards the quickly receding island.

"Almost."

The ferryman turned back to the helm, where he inspected the control board. Remus was slightly surprised that they used an old muggle boat and not magical one, but he supposed it was all part of their security. A prisoner would not be able to steal a wand off the ship, and no wizard that he knew was able to operate a muggle boat.

About to put the second half of his chocolate in his mouth, Remus jumped as it was suddenly snatched from his hand and disappeared into thin air. Remus' annoyance was quickly replaced by relief – Sirius had made it.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Yeah?" The ferryman glanced back at him.

"I'm afraid the dementors affected me more than I expected. Do you by chance have any more chocolate?"

"Course I do." The ferryman reached into a small drawer under helm and pulled out three more bars. "Knock yerself out. If it's still botherin' you by the time we get back to th' mainland, I'd suggest stoppin' by St. Mungo's. They 'ave a potion that'll make yeh right in a jiffy."

"Thank you." Remus accepted the bars, and laid two of them down on the seat beside him, unwrapping the third and putting it in his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the two disappear, and smiled slightly. Good.

It was another half an hour before they reached the mainland, and by then most of the clouds that had obscured the sky had vanished and the sun was shining brightly. _I hope that's a good omen,_ Remus thought as he thanked the security guard and pocketed his wand, walking down the road to the town nearby. _I'll have to ask James when we get back._ Out of the four of them, James and Peter had been the only ones to take Divination, as Remus had thought it a waste of time and Sirius had wanted to take Muggle Studies.

The polyjuice potion wore off just as he entered the muggle village, and Remus shook his head and arms, glad to be back in his own body. He was just trying to figure out how to find Sirius when he felt something brush against his leg and looked down. It was a large black dog, looking up at him with a silvery cloth hanging from its mouth. Taking the cloak, Remus beckoned. "We need a place where we can Disapparate."

Finding a quiet spot behind and abandoned old barn, Sirius morphed back into his human form. He looked terrible, Remus thought. There were bags under his eyes, and he was covered in grime and looked on the verge of collapse. Nevertheless, when he grabbed Remus' wrist, his grip was as strong as ever.

"Is James with you? Is he okay?"

Remus drew his wand out of his sleeve. "As well as he can be. He and Harry are at my house, which is where I'm taking you. You're certainly not Apparating yourself, not in your condition, but I'll take you in Side-Along. Hold on tight."

Sirius nodded, somehow managing to look both annoyed and relieved at the same time. Concentrating – Side-Along took more concentration than normal disapparition – Remus turned on the spot and they disappeared, leaving behind nothing but the sun and grass and the abandoned old barn.

* * *

James sat in Remus' armchair, reading one of his books and keeping half an eye on Harry, who was entertaining himself with some animals James had transfigured for him. After Remus left, James had paced for a while, nervous. What if Remus couldn't get Sirius out? What if their plan didn't work? What if Remus was caught and locked up in Azkaban along side Sirius? At that point, James decided he needed to do something with himself. It was no use worrying about something that was out of his control.

After he had made sure all the wards were in place (Harry had toddled around after him, and James had taken to explaining everything he was doing), James had made sure everything was in order for when Remus returned with Sirius. Before embarking on the rescue mission, Remus had made sure his house was fully stocked with chocolate and the couch was ready for Sirius to crash on. James and Harry were staying in the guest room now, since the bed was larger. James had done the dishes, but had then come up short – Remus was just as tidy in his own house as he had been at Hogwarts. Finally, finding himself with an increasingly fidgety Harry and having nothing else to do himself, James had transfigured some of Remus' old cutlery into toys for Harry and had then settled in himself with Remus' old copy of _A Brief History of the Origins of Magic._ It was an incredibly boring book, but he really didn't have anything else to do.

Sighing, James snapped the book shut and slid onto the floor beside Harry. Picking up a hippogriff that had been cast aside, James flew it through the air right in front of Harry. "Why not the hippogriff, Harry? Don't you think he feels left out?"

"No. Dadda," Harry reached out to take the hippogriff, only to toss it to the side again when James handed it over.

"Hey! He's gonna get you for that!" James flew the hippogriff back at Harry, swooping his hand up and then down. Craning his neck to try to avoid the dive-bombing toy, Harry tipped over backwards. James laughed, surprising himself. He reached over and poked Harry, grinning. Harry giggled, swatting James' hand away, only to find himself poked on the other side. After a few more attempts at avoiding James' fingers, Harry rolled over, pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, and ran over to hide behind the chair that James had vacated moments before.

"That's cheating, you can't run away," James laughed, pushing himself to his feet and following Harry. This game of tag lasted for a good fifteen minutes before Harry got tired of it and resumed playing with his animals. Bored again, James wandered over to the window, where he stood staring out of it for a few minutes. Absorbed in his boredom and not really thinking, James let out a small sigh and turned from the window.

"Lily, do you think I could –" his voice died in his throat.

"Mama?" Harry looked up, staring at James hopefully.

Wordlessly James shook his head, blocking out the memories that were threatening to overwhelm him. _Not now._

_Then when?_ A small voice asked him.

_Not now,_ he repeated firmly. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, then let it out. After a moment, he let his hands drop. Harry was still staring at him worriedly, a frown gracing his small face. James shook his head.

"Don't listen to Daddy, Harry. Daddy's as crazy as the ghoul in the attic."

"Mama!" Harry said again, louder this time. He seemed frustrated, like James didn't understand what he was saying.

"Harry – "

_Crack._

James jumped and whirled to face the door, wand in hand. He could hear Sirius' sarcastic voice coming from outside.

"Wow, great job, Moony, I can really tell you've been practicing Side-Along."

"I haven't exactly had many people to practice with, you know." Remus sounded irritated. "And seeing as you can barely stand, I don't think you're in any position to criticize my Apparition skills. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The door swung open, and James quickly stepped back, scooping Harry off the floor so that Remus and Sirius had a clear path to the couch. He kept his wand in his hand, though.

"Remus, where did we go when you got sick?" He knew it was them, but it was good practice to be sure. He and Sirius had both had it drilled into them (especially by Mad-Eye) during Auror training.

"At first you stayed at Hogwarts, but then you managed to become Animagi during fifth year and started accompanying me to the Shrieking Shack," Remus panted, heaving Sirius onto the couch. "You check him for injuries, I'll take Harry and get lunch. I, for one, am starving."

James let Harry back to the ground, and Remus beckoned for him to come into the kitchen. While Harry happily ran after Remus, James sat beside Sirius and started doing diagnostics with his wand. Meanwhile, Sirius seemed to be scrutinizing him intently.

"You're looking a lot better than the last time I saw you."

James canceled his spells. "And you're looking a lot worse. Fortunately for you, though, all you need is a few good meals, a lot of sleep and a fair amount of chocolate. There's nothing too bad, as far as I can see. How do you feel?"

Sirius made a face. "Better. Especially now that I'm out of that place – dementors are awful."

A few moments later Remus reentered the room, balancing three cups and some plates on his arms, Harry following faithfully behind him. Setting everything down on the table, Remus passed out the cups.

"Butterbeer for you," he set a mug in front of James, "And hot chocolate for me and you." He pulled the blue mug towards himself and passed the remaining one to Sirius, who immediately took a large gulp.

"Unca Padoo, hiya!" Harry ran over to Sirius, and tried to clamber onto the couch with limited success. Taking pity on him, Sirius set his drink on the table and reached down to give Harry a boost up.

"Hey there, Harry." James watched as Sirius grinned at his godson, his eyes lighting up. "Are you glad to see me?"

James' mouth twitched. "You bet he is. He's been asking for you, you know."

Sirius grinned. "Just for you, Harry," he teased the boy. "I came back just for you, because you're that special."

* * *

Sirius awoke suddenly to the sound of wailing. For one, disoriented moment he thought he was back in the Gryffindor dormitory, and someone had set a ridiculously annoying alarm to wake him up. Then he remembered that he was on Remus' couch in the middle of the woods, so what the hell was that noise?

Sirius had just managed to untangle himself from his blanket when Remus came staggering into the room, clearly having just woken up. "Sirius?" his voice was disturbingly urgent as his eyes focused on Sirius. They flicked to the front door, then to the door that led to the guest room. "Get back."

Sirius moved quickly to stand beside Remus and eyed the door warily. "What is it?"

"Intruders. Not anyone friendly, I don't think," Remus replied quietly.

"Remus?" James had appeared at the doorway of the guest room. "What – ?"

_BOOM._

The front door exploded, and for an instant Sirius' world turned a brilliant white as he was blown backwards and rubble rained down around him. As his sight cleared, he became aware that Remus was bending over him, talking urgently.

"Get up, you need to get up Padfoot." Remus grabbed his shoulder and jerked him upright. Sirius stumbled, trying to regain his balance. Steadying himself against Remus, he saw someone standing in the gaping hole that used to be the door. They raised their arm, and Sirius, realizing what they were doing, dove down, dragging Remus with him just as another, nasty looking curse exploded over their heads. Remus cursed and turned, raising his wand.

"Padfoot, go! James can get you out of here. I'll be right behind you."

Sirius twisted into Padfoot and, as a dog, bolted into the guest room. He was met with a stunner, which he just barely avoided by throwing himself to the left.

"Padfoot!" James lowered his wand slightly, glancing at the door. "Where's Moony?"

Sirius changed back to his human form. "Keeping them busy. I could only see one, but he said to get out."

"Okay." James waved his wand at the door, erecting a shimmering barrier that would protect them from most spells. Then he strode over to where Harry was sleeping on the bed. "He woke at the alarm," James explained softly, lifting Harry and bringing him over to Sirius. "I put him to sleep because I didn't want him to see this. The spell lasts for an hour, I think." Sirius took his godson in his arms, only to stumble as the whole house shook. He and James both glanced at the barrier apprehensively.

"_Accio book,_" James waved his wand at a stack in the corner. "_Portus._"

"What about you?" Sirius asked as James handed him the portkey.

"I'm staying to help Moony. Don't worry, we'll be right behind you." James tapped the book with his wand, and Sirius felt the jerk on his naval as the portkey carried him and Harry away.

Stumbling upon his arrival (which he blamed entirely on the fact that he was still recovering from Azkaban), it took Sirius only a minute to recognize the place James had sent him. Moving carefully through the drafty old building, Sirius made his way confidently to the master bedroom of the Shrieking Shack. Years ago, they had decided that Moony wasn't allowed in it, because the bed that had been abandoned along with the rest of the house was actually somewhat decent, and it was the perfect place in which to patch Remus up after his transformations if Madam Pomfrey was late. Walking carefully up the stairs, Sirius adjusted Harry in his arms so that if the stairs gave way he would be more protected from any harm.

Reaching the bedroom, he wrinkled he nose at how dusty it was. What he wouldn't give for his wand right now. Sighing, he shifted Harry again and sat carefully on the old bed, trying to disturb as little dust as possible. Of course, if he had his wand he wouldn't even be here to notice the dust. He would be back with Remus and James, fighting off their attacker.

Although it felt like ages, it couldn't have been more than an hour before he heard the tell-tale pop of Apparition, because Harry was still sleeping soundly in Sirius' arms. Sirius heard the sound of soft footfalls as they entered the house and he stiffened, listening carefully. He'd lived with James long enough to recognize his footfall, and he thought it was him, but there was only one pair when their should have been two. Where was Remus? The door swung open and Sirius stood, watching James warily. James paused in the doorway, obviously sensing that something was off.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked.

"Some people from the Order arrived just after you left," James said. "I guess they had his house warded to alert them if he was attacked. I left as soon as I knew they were friendly, but so did the intruder." He scowled. "I don't know who it was."

Sirius nodded, sitting back on the bed where James joined him, taking Harry and whispering a soft "_Finite_" to cancel the sleeping spell. Harry shifted, but continued to sleep. "I suppose we should figure out where to go," James said, but there was something off about his voice now. It sounded hollow, emotionless, like it did when James was upset and didn't want anyone to know it. Sirius glanced at him.

"I think here is good for tonight, at least," he said slowly, cautiously. "We both need rest, and we should wait until Remus finds us."

James' face darkened, and Sirius winced inwardly. What had he said …?

"All I've been doing recently is sleep."

Ah. "Well, it's night, and people do generally sleep at night."

James didn't say anything for a moment, and just as Sirius was about to try again, he said abruptly, "What if he's dead?"

"Remus?" Sirius asked, alarmed. "You said –"

"Not Remus. Peter."

Sirius stared at James, who was staring at Harry, who was fast asleep. Deep down, though not as deep he'd have liked, he felt the darkness stir again. Every time Peter was mentioned, it seemed that the darkness grew stronger. The one thing it seemed the dementors had been good for was keeping the darkness away. Sirius took a deep breath and said calmly, "Truthfully? I would be pretty damn disappointed."

James' head jerked up and he stared at Sirius, his face showing disbelief. "You want to kill him?"

"James, he betrayed you to Voldemort!"

"But what if he didn't have a choice?" James demanded, desperation creeping into his voice. "What if Voldemort or some of his Death Eaters were torturing Peter?"

Sirius stared at James, thoughts and emotions and the darkness swirling through his head. _The apartment was empty. There was no note on the table, no sign that he left in a hurry, no sign of struggle. Peter left of his own free will on a day he knew I was supposed to check on him. He betrayed James and Lily, and now Lily's dead and James is in denial. T__hat's what this is – he's in denial__._

"James –" Sirius began, but James cut him off.

"You think I'm mad."

"Of course I don't, you're not –"

"Yes, you do. Don't lie, Sirius. I can tell when you're lying."

Sirius winced. "I don't think you're mad. But … you weren't there. At Peter's house. I went to check on him, remember? Only he wasn't there." Feeling the anger building up inside him, Sirius clenched his fists in his lap. "The door was unlocked. I searched the house, and no one was there. There was no sign of struggle, no note. Nothing to indicate that anything was out of the ordinary _except __that __he wasn't there._ He made the choice to leave, James. No one _forced_ him to do anything."

It was a moment before James did anything other than sit and stare silently at Harry's dark hair. Sirius felt that perhaps he should say something, perhaps apologize, but for what? For telling the truth?

"I'm trying, Sirius."

"What?" Sirius asked, confused at the change of topic.

"I'm trying too – too make it all fit! And I almost understand, I can almost accept that – that Lily's d- gone, and that Voldemort's gone, but there's still one thing that I don't understand." James turned to Sirius, and Sirius saw desperation in his eyes. "How could he betray us?" he whispered. "How _could_ he?"


	6. Running Away

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

_Pop!_

Three figures appeared, and Remus whirled on them, wand up and ready only to realize that is was Frank Longbottom, Mad-Eye Moody, and another senior Auror named Fergus Crowley. Just as the realization hit him, he heard two almost synchronized pops behind him and turned to see that James and their attacker had both disappeared.

"Are you alright?" Frank crossed the ruined room to where Remus was standing while Crowley and Mad-Eye started casting spells, assessing the damage and preserving the points of Disapparition so that later a forensic wizard could analyze and track them.

"Just winded," Remus said, his eyes still scanning the room. Sirius had left with Harry, and James had left as soon as the Aurors appeared. They were fine, and would contact him soon, he was sure. He shook his head, and brought a hand to the back of his neck. "I'm fine," he repeated. "Lucky too, I suppose. I was asleep when the alarms went off."

Frank looked about to say something when there was another pop as Crowley Disapparated and Mad-Eye limped over to join them.

"Did you see their faces?" he growled.

Remus paused for moment, confused at the plural, but then realized that Mad-Eye – and probably Frank and Crowley as well – had assumed that James had been an attacker as well. Slowly, he shook his head. "Everything was moving so fast I couldn't get a good look at them."

"Do you think it was Black?"

Remus glanced up sharply, to find both of Mad-Eye's eyes on him, as well as Frank's more sympathetic ones. "Isn't he in Azkaban?"

For an instant Remus thought he saw Mad-Eye's expression soften, but then he turned away and glared at the place the door had been before it was blown apart. Frank's eyes were wide. "You didn't know?" he asked. "Remus – "

"Black escaped this afternoon." Mad-Eye interrupted. "He had inside help, and we're trying to find out who, but they've covered their tracks pretty damn well. Black turned on the Potters before, so I'll ask you again. Do think either of them was Black?"

Remus took a deep breath. "No. No, I don't think so. Neither of them were very good at dueling, and Sirius is one of the best duelists I know." Remus glanced around his ruined home. "One of them was pretty damn good at blasting spells, though."

Mad-Eye grunted, and Frank nodded. "I'm surprised the house is still standing," he commented, and when Remus gave him a questioning look he elaborated. "We knew you were being attacked because this showed up on the panel in the Improper Use of Magic Office. Do you know the scale of power it takes to set that thing off? In the past year it's only blipped ten times, including this one. We Aurors are always sent to investigate, because that amount of magic rarely leaves behind a pretty scene."

Remus frowned, trying to assimilate that, but was interrupted by Mad-Eye. "We need to go. They're probably going to come back with reinforcements."

Remus and Frank glanced at each other, both clearly thinking that this was unlikely, but Remus just shrugged. "I'll get my things."

* * *

Two hours later, Remus was sitting at a table in the Leaky Cauldron, nursing a cup of black tea. It was three in the morning, and Frank and Mad-Eye had left half an hour earlier, likely to catch some sleep before returning to work when the sun rose. Well, maybe not Mad-Eye. Remus wasn't actually sure if he ever slept. Sighing, Remus glanced at the battered old watch he had received from his father on his seventeenth birthday. 3:05.

The attacker had been a Death Eater, of that Remus was sure. That particular ward had been set to go off whenever anyone with a Dark Mark came within its range – Remus had set it up with James and Dumbledore a few months ago. _And Peter hasn't been to my house since then…._ To be fair, though, Remus hadn't been home much either. Just weeks after the ward had been activated, Remus had been sent undercover to Greyback's, so there hadn't been any reason for any of his friends to visit his house.

So had his attacker been Peter? Remus had been telling the truth when he spoke with Mad-Eye – he hadn't recognized the intruder. But Peter had always been powerful, if somewhat imprecise; Remus couldn't deny the possibility that it had been Peter who blew his house apart. But had Peter been targeting him, or had he realized that James was there, and Harry and Sirius? Had he meant to kill them all? And where were Sirius and James? Were they safe? Were they still running? They were probably together, since James had set the portkey for Sirius and Sirius couldn't have gone far without a wand.

Staring at his own wand, Remus wondered if he should try to contact them, or if he should just wait for them to contact him. Sighing, Remus lowered his wand and blew on his tea, even though it was already cool enough to drink. Although it wasn't very appealing, he supposed that waiting would be the best option. They could be out in public, or in a muggle area, and he didn't want to risk anyone seeing the patronus he would send them.

With that decision made, his thoughts turned to another. The Potters. Officially, Lily was confirmed and James presumed dead, and Harry was missing. There was probably a search that was trying to find Harry, but as of yet he hadn't been notified of it. As for James and Lily … Lily's body had been found at the house, and James was "missing," but everyone knew that no one survived when Voldemort payed a house call. Remus had talked with Dumbledore when he had gone to retrieve the cloak, and they had decided that the memorial service would be held on November 15th, two weeks after Halloween. That meant he had one week to tell James about the service, so that they could plan it together. He was not looking forward to that conversation.

Heaving another sigh, he glanced at his watch again and then groaned, slumping back in his chair and raising his hands to cover his face. 3:10. Why he had expected it to be much later he didn't know, but somehow it felt as though he were trapped in an alternate universe, one in which time moved much, much slower. Maybe his watch was broken…. Pushing himself to his feet, Remus placed his empty cup on the counter, and walked towards the door. He needed some fresh air.

Outside it was dark, even with the street lamps and the few lights shining out of apartment buildings up and down the street. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Remus walked swiftly down the muggle street, and it was only after a few minutes that he realized he didn't know where he was going.

_Anywhere,_ he decided as he walked. _Anywhere I can go where I don't have to think about any of this __anymore._

* * *

James didn't think he had fallen asleep, but he couldn't think of any other reason to explain why the sun was suddenly rising and he had a crick in his neck. Rolling his head, he looked over to where Sirius and Harry were sleeping on the bed. Harry was clutching the blankets with one hand, the other stuck firmly in his mouth. Sirius had sprawled, one leg hanging off the edge of the bed, the other sticking out from under the covers James had cleaned for them.

Turning to look out the window, James was struck by the sight of the sun's light falling across the hills, reflecting and sparkling across last night's frost. Just behind the first rise, he could see the roofs of Hogsmead, smoke from the chimneys mixing with the mist from the frost as it evaporated.

_It's so beautiful,_ Lily would have said.

_Yes, I suppose it is,_ James replied in his head, even though he would never have noticed if she hadn't pointed it out to him. _Like glitter._

Laughter. _Glitter? You're such a child, James. Like stars on Earth._

_Poetic,_ he teased. _P__ut that in a song and you'll be up there with Celestina Warbeck._

_Oh hush, you. Alice loves Celestina Warbeck._

James stared out the window, feeling the empty place behind his chair where Lily would be standing with her morning cup of tea. She always noticed the little things: the bird on the feeder, the flower in the sidewalk, the frost in the morning. It was one of the things he loved about her. He always had too many ideas about the future running through his head, too much nervous energy, too much to do. But when he felt Lily's hand slip into his, her lips whispering in his ear, her finger pointing to the cloud that looked like a wizard, a unicorn, a snitch – then everything seemed to calm down to a slower, more manageable pace and all that mattered was Lily, holding his hand, whispering in his ear.

"_Expecto Patronum,_" he murmured, lifting his wand in front of him. A moment later he lowered it, sighing. Nothing.

Turning his wand over in his hands, he wondered idly how they were going to get ahold of Remus if he couldn't cast a patronus and Sirius didn't have a wand. Rent an owl, maybe, although they would have to be disguised.

Glancing out the window again, he decided that they had stayed here long enough. Getting to his feet, he walked to the bed and picked Harry up gently, rubbing his back. "Morning, Harry."

Harry shifted, blinking his eyes open and staring around sleepily. James then turned his attention to Sirius, who was still sound asleep, and was almost surprised to feel a decidedly mischievous grin settle on his face. He narrowed his eyes and then, his lips quirking to the side, he flicked his wand and a jet of water shot out and hit Sirius in the face.

Sirius' reaction was priceless, although this was by no means the first time James had seen it. His eyes shot open, then he coughed, spluttered and, in his attempt to get away from the water, rolled backwards and fell off the bed. After a few incoherent curses, his wet head appeared on the other side of the bed, glowering at James.

"Bloody hell, Prongs!"

James burst out laughing, and after a minute of staring between them, Harry started giggling too.

Grumbling, Sirius pulled himself to his feet. "Anyone would think you were still a first year. And that was unfair," he added, lifting his wet arms. "I don't have a wand to defend myself!"

Still laughing, James waved his wand and the water evaporated off Sirius' clothes. Harry was still laughing too, and Sirius made a face at him, which of course only made him laugh harder.

"You should have seen your face," James laughed.

"Yeah, well," Sirius rolled his eyes, "Yours would be pretty priceless too if I had a wand right now."

James snorted, then said "Well, it's time you got up anyway. The sun's been up at least an hour already." He glanced down at his wand, then said "We should contact Moony, then meet him at … " he paused, racking his brains for somewhere they could meet that would be familiar to the three of them.

"My old house," Sirius said after a moment.

James narrowed his eyes. "Padfoot – "

"It's the best place," Sirius said firmly. "No one from the Ministry will be there, my mother wouldn't allow it. They won't be looking for me there either, at least not yet, because anyone who knows me knows that I – well, that I wouldn't go anywhere near that place unless I had absolutely nowhere else to go."

"All right, fine." James said slowly. "You're right, it's a good idea." He looked at his wand again, then handed it to Sirius. "Can you contact Moony? I'm going to take Harry to change his nappy."

Sirius accepted the wand without question, much to James' relief, and started to cast a patronus as James left. Harry squirmed and started making unimpressed noises, as though he knew what was coming, and James sighed. Harry hated having his nappy changed, but at the same time refuse point blank to use the little potty Lily had got him a month ago.

Five minutes later, James and Harry returned to find Sirius scowling at the wand in his hand.

"Did it bite you?" James asked, amused.

"No, but it didn't do anything else, either." Sirius grimaced. "Okay, technically it shot out a plume of mist and a few sparks, but for some reason its not working for me like it usually does." He held it out to James. "If we can find out where Remus is, I can bring a note as Padfoot. It's not ideal, but short of stealing an owl or some polyjuice potion I think it's our best option."

James sighed, taking the wand. "All right. Let's see if any of those sweets we stashed here are still good, and then we can go find Remus."

* * *

Padfoot lay by the fire in the Leaky Cauldron, resting his head on his paws and keeping a careful watch on the door. After leaving the Shrieking Shack, Sirius had departed for the Leaky Cauldron in the hopes of hearing something about Remus or an attack (or anything, really), while James had left with Harry in order to withdraw some money from a muggle bank account he and Lily had set up for emergencies. They would meet at the park near Grimmauld Place at noon, and if Padfoot had failed to locate Remus by then, they would try something else.

The door to the Leaky Cauldron opened, and Padfoot caught sight of Frank Longbottom walking in with Remus right behind him. Although he knew that Frank didn't know his animagus form, wouldn't recognize him, he still felt the urge to hide.

Frank and Remus sat down at a table in the corner, and Padfoot took a moment to congratulate himself on having found Remus before climbing to his feet and heading for the door. Luckily, the Leaky Cauldron seemed to attract enough people of all kinds that Tom didn't seem to have a problem with a dog.

Once he was outside, he found the nearest alley and, crouching behind a rubbish bin, transformed. Quickly, he took the note telling Remus to meet him and James outside Grimmauld Place out of his pocket, then transformed back into Padfoot and sat, head cocked to one side. After a moment when no one screamed or started yelling about an escaped convict, Padfoot carefully took the note in his mouth and made his way back to the Leaky Cauldron.

Settling down by the fire again, Padfoot tucked the letter safely between his paws, and stared at Remus while he waited for Frank to leave.

"Daddy, look at the doggy! Can I pet it, please?"

Padfoot's ears pricked, and he looked to where a young girl was tugging on her father's arm, pointing excitedly. Her younger brother, who couldn't have been more than three, looked torn between wanting to accompany his sister and wanting to finish his cookie, which appeared to be in the shape of a snitch.

The father glanced at Padfoot, who wagged his tail, then looked around. "You should ask its owner, but it seems friendly enough. Just don't put your hand near its mouth."

The girl quickly scrambled down from her seat and ran over to bury her hands in Padfoot's thick fur. A few moments later, her brother joined her and, feeling like he deserved a reward for being so nice to two young children, Padfoot rolled over to have his belly rubbed while whacking his tail steadily against the floor.

"Good doggy," the girl giggled, rubbing his stomach enthusiastically if a little haphazardly. "Good doggy," her brother echoed, playing with Padfoot's ears.

_James would laugh if he could see you right now_, a voice whispered in his head, and his tail wagged even harder. _James would laugh, Lily would pet your ears, Remus would scold, and Peter would –_ abruptly, he stopped thinking, and his tail lost some of its momentum.

_Peter would stand right beside James, laughing his silent laugh before joining Lily in __rubbing Padfoot's ears._

"What have you got, doggy? Do you have a note for me?" The girl was reaching for the note resting where Padfoot's paws had been before he rolled over. Gently, Padfoot butted the girl's hand out of the way and drew the note closer to him with his chin. _Mine_, he thought.

"Rebecca, Oliver! It's time to go now."

"Look Daddy, it's got a note!"

The father approached with his work bag slung over one shoulder. "That's nice, Rebecca, but we've got to go now. Mommy's probably waiting for us at Flourish and Blott's, and we don't want to be late to Anna's party. Come along, Oliver."

Disappointed, the girl gave Padfoot one last pat on the head before climbing to her feet and running after her father, who was already heading for the door. "Come _on_, Oliver," she called over her shoulder. "You're being left behind."

"Nice doggy," Oliver whispered, before scrambling to his feet and running after his sister and father.

"_Padfoot?!_"

Padfoot's head whipped around to see Remus standing over him, looking shocked and relieved at the same time. Padfoot wagged his tail once, then clambered to his feet and presented Remus with the note he'd managed to keep out of the young girl's grasp.

Remus scanned the note once before tossing it in the fire behind Padfoot. "I'm glad you're okay, but you really shouldn't be here" he said, crouching in front of Padfoot and stroking his head so that he could talk without being heard. "You should go now. I'll meet you soon." Remus stood, and Padfoot watched him make his way back to his table before turning trotting out the door.

* * *

"How'd it go?"

Sirius morphed back into his human form before joining James on the grass where he was playing with Harry.

"Fine, I found him at the Leaky Cauldron and got a good belly-rub for my troubles. You?"

James shrugged. "Good, I guess. I told the banker I was James Potter's brother, and he believed me enough to let me withdraw the money we need." He grimaced. "Isn't it weird, though, how they have humans working the banks? I don't know, but it gets me every time."

"I know!" Sirius said eagerly. Muggles were his favorite topic of discussion, now that they were out of school and could no longer plan pranks like they used to. "And they have people delivering the post, too. How strange is _that_?"

James shook his head. "But did you know that they've managed to build a ship that will take them out into space? I myself would never want to go, but you must admit that it's ingenious."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "You're joking. I never learned about that in Muggle Studies!"

"No, I swear," James said eagerly, leaning forward. "Muggles have actually managed to go into space. Lily's dad told me about it when I was visiting once …" he trailed off, his face clouding over and his eyes drifting down to where Harry was pulling up handfuls of grass and attempting to make some sort of structure out of them.

"Did you find anything else, while you were out?" Sirius asked hastily, trying to distract him.

James blinked, looking up at Sirius again. "Erm … actually, yes. It occurred to me that the best place to hang low for a while was in the muggle world, so I picked up this." He produced a muggle newspaper from beside him, where Sirius hadn't noticed it. Sirius took it, curious. "Here," James flipped to a page near the back. "They list all the job openings nearby, as well as a few places that we could rent."

Sirius skimmed the paper, frowning at some of the phrases he didn't understand, but nodding slightly at others. "I think that's a good idea," he said finally, handing the paper back to James. "No one will be looking in the muggle world, especially not the Death Eaters. We can lie low, wait until all this blows over. No one will be able to find us."

* * *

Remus found Sirius and James where Sirius had said – in the small park across from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. It wasn't even really a park – just a small square of grass with some shrubs, some benches and a four small trees. As soon as he spotted him, James grinned and jumped to his feet.

"You found us!"

"I'm glad you're okay," Remus said, looking warily around, "But should you really be out in public like this?"

James shrugged and sat back down, patting the slightly withered grass beside him. Although it was a surprisingly nice day, it had been frosting at night for the past few weeks, and the grass was starting to show it. "Take a seat. And we're in a muggle neighborhood, no one will recognize us."

Remus hesitated, glancing over his shoulder and up at the windows which lined the street. It was true they were in a muggle area, but that didn't mean … "Sirius," Remus sighed, folding his legs to settle beside James. "You're probably on the muggle news too, you know."

"Probably," Sirius agreed cheerfully, but Remus could tell he wasn't really listening. He was flat on his stomach in front of Harry, poking him every now and then to make him laugh.

"We've been here nearly half an hour and no one's noticed," James added, shrugging. He shot Remus a reassuring smile and, although Remus could tell James was more tense than he was letting on, he just sighed and flashed a small smile in return.

"While I was getting you, James got some muggle money, and also came up with a brilliant idea," Sirius said, poking Harry again. Harry squeaked, then pouted, then cautiously leaned forward to poke Sirius. Sirius chuckled, and Remus watched them, amused.

"So what's this brilliant idea Padfoot's talking about?" he asked, turning to James.

"I thought we could live in the muggle world, at least for a while," James explained. He waved the newspaper at Remus, who took it and glanced at the sections they had circled. "We've been looking, and there are some places which look like they could be affordable, as well as some jobs."

"I agree," Remus said slowly, and Sirius spared a moment to grin at him. "But do you have anywhere to stay tonight? Or until you find a good place to rent? And I know you just got some money out of the muggle bank, but do you have enough? How are you going to – "

"Moony," Sirius said loudly. "One question at a time!"

Remus glared at him, and next to him he heard James snort. "Aw, come on, Moony," he teased, "it's not his fault. You know Padfoot's only got so much room for thought in that thick skull of his – Oi!" James yelped as Sirius threw a handful of grass at him. Harry shrieked, laughing, then tugged up his own small fistful of grass and flung it at James. It missed him by several inches, but James still gasped dramatically and flopped on the ground next to Sirius. "You got me," he gasped.

"Padfoot!" Remus scolded. Someone had to make sure Harry learned proper manners, and as it didn't look as though James or Sirius were about to, that left him. As usual. "Stop encouraging him!"

At the sight of James falling beside Sirius, however, Harry's eyes had gone wide, and he'd started to wail. Immediately, James sat up and Sirius pulled Harry close, bouncing him. "Harry, Harry it's alright," Sirius shot a confused look at Remus over Harry's head, but Remus could only shrug. He didn't have the slightest idea what had set Harry off…. Beside him, he felt James stiffen. He turned, and saw that James' face had gone curiously blank. His eyes, though, burned with anger and, surprisingly, despair.

"James?" Remus reached out to grasp James' shoulder, and realized that he was shaking. _What the…._ "James, what – " James jerked away from Remus but stayed where he was, staring at the still sobbing Harry.

"Harry, it's alright," Sirius tried again. He adjusted himself so that Harry could see James. "Daddy's right there, see? Right there, and he's not going anywhere, I promise, and neither am I, or Uncle Moony." He shot a pleading look at Remus, and suddenly Remus understood. Harry had seen James fall to the ground, pretending to be injured, and he had remembered that night … and James had realized that, and was now wondering, as Remus was, what Harry had seen. "James," Remus repeated, more urgently this time. He tried again to put his hand on James' arm, but James had already shot to his feet.

"I'm going for a walk," he said curtly. "Stay here." He strode off, leaving the park and walking quickly down the street.

Remus stood to follow, then glanced at Sirius, who nodded grimly to him. "Go," he said, "I've got Harry."


	7. The Explosion

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Even though he had followed almost immediately, it still took Remus almost fifteen minutes to find James. When he did finally managed to catch up, it was to find James sitting at a small table outside a muggle cafe, twirling his wand between his fingers. It was mid-afternoon on a Friday, so the cafe was relatively crowded. Most of the seats outside were occupied, and the noise of idle talk filled the air. James had chosen a smaller table that was out of the way, unlikely to be noticed by the wait staff. Remus paused for a moment, then walked slowly over and slid into the chair across from James. "You shouldn't be waving that about, you know," he said quietly, gesturing to James' wand. "Someone will see you."

"You were supposed to stay." James' voice was flat, emotionless. Remus shifted, trying to get a clearer view of James' face, but that didn't give anything away either. An emotionless James was a dangerous James – to those who tried to get through to him, as well as to himself. "I thought you might need the company," Remus said carefully.

"I don't need your company."

Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping at James. _He needs you_. "Too bad." Even as he said it, though, Remus leaned back in his chair to give James more space. While he didn't want to smother James, he also wasn't about to go anywhere without a fight.

They sat in silence for a long time before James finally spoke.

"You shouldn't have left them. Sirius doesn't have a wand."

"Sirius knows how to handle himself," Remus replied. "It's you I'm worried about."

"I don't need _you_ to worry about me," James snapped. Remus stayed silent, watching James warily. He still couldn't tell if James was angry, sad, a mixture of both, or something else altogether, and it was starting to unnerve him.

After another few moments of silence, Remus spoke. "It's okay, you know. To share." James fists tightened, and Remus held his breath. _One, two, three – _

"You're one to talk."

The remark was sarcastic, but Remus could tell there wasn't any real sting behind it, and he let out the breath he had been holding. "Not at first, no, but then I did. You should give it a try, James. I'm all ears."

"No, you're not. You're all Remus," James snorted, but he didn't sound as angry so Remus tentatively considered it a point in his favor. _Gently_, he thought to himself. _Gently is the way to go. Where's Lily when we need her?_

* * *

James didn't know what to do. He knew he shouldn't have run off, but it had seemed like the best thing to do. When Harry had started crying, and James had realized why, he had been so angry. Angry with the war for leaving so many survivors, angry with Voldemort for killing Lily and trying to kill Harry, even angry with Lily, for dying. Mostly, though, he was angry with himself. For being so careless with his actions and not considering how Harry might see them. For running off, now and on Halloween, and for not being there when he could have made a difference, when he could have saved them. All three of the them.

Now, as the anger faded, it was slowly being replaced by despair, which scared James. Anger, he knew what to do with. Despair, he was afraid would swallow him, lash out in the wrong places and at the wrong times, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

"It's okay, you know. To share."

James scowled. He didn't want to bloody share, he just wanted to be left alone –

_He's your friend, James. Let him help._ Lily's voice whispered in his ears, and he could almost feel her warm hand on his shoulder.

"You're one to talk," James replied, but he was distracted enough that it didn't come out as harshly as it might have.

"Not at first, no, but then I did. You should give it a try, James. I'm all ears."

"No, you're not. You're all Remus," James replied automatically, snorting slightly. It was habit, a reply that had stuck when, back in third year, Sirius had been teasing Remus for being "all smiles" right before the full moon and he had replied, sarcastically, _No, I'm all Remus_.

James stared at his wand, considering. Should he tell Remus about how he couldn't cast a patronus anymore? Should he tell him that he was afraid he would fail Harry, that he wouldn't be able to raise him alone? Should he –

_Start at the beginning,_ Lily suggested.

James glanced up at Remus, who was watching him with a sad, weary look in his eyes. He looked ill, James realized with a start. Remus had always been sickly, because of his condition, but now that James really looked at him, he could see the deep bruises under his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped as if in defeat, his short sandy hair which lay dull and flat on his scalp. His complexion, too, seemed paler than usual, and he seemed thinner, as though he hadn't been eating properly. Not that any of them had, really, but this was the first time James had really noticed it.

"You're not well," James said aloud, his concern for Remus pushing all other thoughts to the side for the moment.

Remus shot him an incredulous look. "Speak for yourself."

James sighed setting his wand in his lap and running a hand through his hair. "We're all a mess, aren't we?"

"A bit, yeah," Remus smiled tentatively, but it didn't reach his eyes. "So … do you want to explain what happened?"

_Voldemort, that's what __happened__,_ James thought bitterly as he was pulled back to his own troubles. _Start at the beginning_.

"I left Lily alone when we knew he was after us. I shouldn't have left." James noticed that his hands were trembling, and clenched them in his lap.

"It was Voldemort, James. You wouldn't have stood a chance."

"But I have! I would have!" James lifted his head to glare at Remus. Up until recently, he had managed to convince himself that it was better he was here, unhurt, to look after Harry. Now, though, some of his initial doubts and fears had resurfaced. "I've faced him before, Remus. Three times before, just like that stupid –" James cut off abruptly, taking a deep breath. He let it out shakily. _Calm down. You almost let the prophecy slip, and we don't know who might be listening._ "I can't accept that I couldn't have made a difference."

Remus was silent for a moment, then he said quietly, "The past can't be changed, James. Do you know how much would be different, if we could relive every moment twice?" Remus laughed quietly, but it was a weary laugh. "I learned a long time ago that dwelling always in the past is no way to live. And don't get me wrong," he added hastily as James narrowed his eyes. "It's never easy, and despite what people tell you it doesn't get easier the more you do it. But, James, if you spend every moment of your life thinking about what you could have done differently, about how you _could_ have acted, what you _could_ have done, you'll never see how you _can_ act, and what you _can_ do. I'm a werewolf, James. A monster. But if I live my life thinking of nothing else but that fact, then eventually the part of me that I like to think is still human will become a monster as well."

"You're not a monster," James said quietly.

Remus just shrugged. "You get my point."

Even though he sort of understood what Remus was trying to say, James didn't think it really applied to him. After all, it wasn't Remus' fault he was a werewolf. "You're wrong. It's my fault."

Remus sighed. "It's not, James. Maybe you shouldn't have left. Maybe you could have made a difference. But it's over, James. You do what you can and deal with what you can't. If Lily were here, she would want you to live your life, not throw it away dwelling on things that can't be changed."

"But that's the problem!" James cried, his voice rising again. "Lily's not here, Harry's going to be scarred forever because of what he saw, Sirius is a criminal and it's all my fault and I can't deal with it, Moony, I can't!" James buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. _My fault, all my fault, it's my fault_.

"James." James looked up at the hard edge that had crept into Remus' voice. "It's not your fault. And you will deal with it, because Harry needs his father and Padfoot needs his friend. Come on, get up." Remus stood and pulled James to his feet. "We're going back."

James tried to pull away, but Remus' grip was firm, so he tried to argue instead. "Harry just started crying because of me!"

"Not because of you, because of Voldemort." Remus corrected. "He needs _you_ to be with him right now because he's scared and traumatized and you are his father, James, and without Lily you're all that he has."

* * *

Harry stopped crying a few minutes after Remus left, and was soon wriggling to get out of Sirius' arms again. As soon as Sirius put him down, however, his little face puckered into a frown and, swaying unsteadily on his feet, he looked in concern at Sirius.

"Dadda?"

"Daddy's taking a moment to himself, I'm sure he'll be back soon." Sirius glanced in the direction Remus and James had gone. Even though he wasn't too worried, it was true that he didn't have a wand on him and that, if anyone from the wizarding world saw him with Harry, it would be considered suspicious. As in, _h__ighly_ suspicious.

Harry looked the way Sirius was looking, then looked back at Sirius. Then, he looked around again. Suddenly, he let out a squeal and clambered to his feet, pointing excitedly. "Behd!"

Sirius turned to see a pigeon hopping a few feet away, pecking an old bread crust on the ground. He grinned. "That bird is called a pigeon, Harry. You should go check it out."

Harry took a tottering step forward, and the pigeon froze, cocking its head to one side. Another step, and it hopped nervously away, eyeing him suspiciously. Sirius would have bet his wand (before he remembered he didn't have a wand, and decided he would bet James' wand) that it was weighing the decision to stay and risk being caught, or to leave and risk losing the crust of bread it was eating. Harry took another step, and this time the pigeon fluttered its wings indecisively, hopping two more steps. Harry squealed again, and the pigeon took off, flapping until it was on the other side of the square of grass they had chosen to sit on.

"Harry," Sirius called as Harry took off, laughing. Sighing, he climbed to feet and followed his godson. He knew from experience how quickly Harry could disappear, and didn't want to have to explain to James how he had managed to lose his son in such a small park. Then, noticing a young muggle woman running with a stroller down the sidewalk, he quickened his pace. "Harry," he called, more sharply. "Get out of the path!" Harry turned back to Sirius, looking confused and disappointed, but he'd apparently forgotten to stop his feet because, even as he looked back, his feet continued forwards and he tripped, landing flat on his face in front of the runner.

The woman stopped and swerved slightly as Sirius reached the crash site and knelt beside his godson, who had started to wail again. "I'm sorry," he apologized to the woman. "He just took off after that pigeon –"

The woman smiled, wiping a sweaty strand of hair out of her eyes. "Don't worry about it," she said. "I know exactly what you're talking about." She gestured to the small child who was asleep in the stroller. "Running's the only way I can get this little one to sit still, and even so it's a miracle she's fallen asleep." She looked at Harry, concerned. "Oh, no. Is he all right? It looks like he cut his face."

Sirius knelt and set Harry on the ground again so he could get a better look at him. When he brushed the hair from his face he saw that the cut he'd acquired a week ago had, strangely, split open again when Harry fell. He'd thought the cut had healed, but now it looked just as raw as it had a week ago. Carefully, he reached to brush the trickle of blood away before it could reach Harry's eyes.

"Here, I've got some band-aids in here," the woman said, rummaging around in the top pouch of the stroller. "You should take him in, though, just in case. I'm sure he's fine, but you can never be too careful with little ones. I'm sure you know that, though, being the Dad."

Harry's wailing had quietened, and Sirius took the band-aid from the woman's hand before realizing that he had no idea what to do with it. It couldn't be too hard, though…. Peeling off one of the paper bits, he realized that it was sticky underneath and carefully pressed that bit to Harry's forehead. Then the padded part would go on the cut, and it looked as though there was another sticky part on the other side…. Sitting back and examining his handiwork, Sirius had to admit that muggles could be quite ingenious in their ways of getting around without magic. Plus, he now knew how to apply a band-aid.

"There, Harry, all better now." He inspected Harry's elbows and knees, just to make sure he wasn't scraped anywhere else, then stood to thank the woman. Before he could utter a word, though, she interrupted him, frowning. "I'm sorry, but you look awfully familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

_Damn_. Sirius knelt and scooped Harry into his arms, even though he protested. _Remus was right, I must be o__n__ the muggle news._ "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met before." Trying to cover his wariness, he conjured his most reassuring grin. "I'm Evan Greene, I live a few blocks down." A clock tower chimed in the distance, and Sirius took his cue, glancing at the tower where he could just make out the clock. 1:30. "Thank you for the band-aid, and I really am sorry about interrupting your run. I need to go now, though. My wife should be home soon, and I was supposed to have cleaned the living room." He grimaced, and the woman smiled sympathetically, although she still looked rather uncertain. Sirius waved with his free hand as she took off again, and went back to where they had been sitting earlier.

"And that, Harry, is why we don't walk and talk at the same time." Sirius ran his hand over the band-aid again, marveling that it was still on. He glanced over his shoulder to where the woman had run, then froze when he saw that she had stopped at the end of the block and was speaking into a muggle pay phone, glancing nervously in his direction every few seconds.

"Okay, Harry, time to go." Sirius scooped Harry into his arms again and set off towards where James and then Remus had disappeared. _Damn it. What am I going to do now?_ He slowed his steps, thinking rapidly. Maybe finding Remus and James wasn't such a good idea. Emerging onto a busy muggle street, Sirius stopped, trying to get his bearings. Although his old house was just behind him, he and his family had never ventured far into muggle London –

"S-stop where you are."

Sirius froze at the sound of that voice. That trembling, high-pitched voice that he had once trusted with his life, as well as the Potters'. Now it sent a jolt of hatred through him, pulling at the stands of darkness threatening him from inside. Slowly he turned, and as Harry moved against his arms he felt another emotion weaving through the tendrils of hate and revenge. Fear.

"Peter," he growled. There, standing beneath the roof of a dingy bus stop, Peter Pettigrew held his wand pointed not at Sirius, but at Harry. Sirius took a step backwards, and Peter's arm stiffened. A few muggles gave them strange looks as they passed.

"I said stay where you are!"

Now the feelings of revenge and hatred and fear were swirling together, making Sirius actually think. _No wand. No one to stop him. __He's here for __Harry._ Sirius had already failed Harry once – he wasn't going to fail him again. _James and Remus should be back soon._ How long had they been, though? What if something had happened? _Focus. Keep him talking._

"We trusted you, Peter!" Sirius said loudly. A few muggles had stopped and were watching warily. Hopefully one of them would realize that Peter was a threat, and call the muggle law enforcement who would inform the Aurors. "How could you just hand them over –"

"Quiet!" Peter said shrilly. "Give me Harry, Sirius. I d-don't want to hurt you."

Sirius snarled quietly, and Harry wriggled in his arms, staring at Peter. "Peda?"

Peter winced, and Sirius took the opportunity to take another, small step backwards. As much space as he could but between himself and the traitor – Peter's wand flicked up and Sirius winced, then cursed. Although Peter had not actually used magic, the message was clear: _If you run, I _will_ curse you_. Peter took a step forward, out from under the bus stop. "I told you not to move. Just give me Harry, Sirius." It was almost as though he was pleading.

"Tell me why in Merlin's name I would do that?" Sirius demanded, as loudly as he dared with Peter's wand pointed directly at Harry. "Give me one good reason, Wormtail. Just one good reason!"

"I won't hurt you!" Peter cried, although he too kept his voice low. "I never meant for them to die, I swear – he just wanted Harry, that's all! N-now give him to me!" He stepped closer, so that there was only a few feet between them, and reached out with his free hand.

Sirius' arms tightened around Harry. "Not good enough, Peter." _Keep him talking._ "Why did you betray us? We were your friends!"

"No," Peter shook his head, his outstretched arm lowering a fraction of an inch. "No, you were never my friends. You were each other's friends, but never mine. You don't understand, Sirius. I had no choice. You joined the Order, but you wouldn't have protected me. I would have died! I can't d-die, Sirius. I'm too young, I've got my whole life ahead of me. And so did you! You were going to throw that all away, and mine too! I-I'm too young to die, Sirius."

"If you think you're life is worth more than Harry's, Peter, you've got another think coming."

"S-see?!" Peter cried. "You were never _my_ friend, Sirius. Only ever theirs. But now you don't have a wand, and I do, so j-just give me Harry, Sirius. You'll live. You'll survive."

"You're a coward," Sirius spat, his arms tightening around Harry, who whimpered. _Where are Moony and Prongs?!_ "I would have given my life to protect James and Lily, but you gave theirs to protect your own. You're stupider than you look if you think for one second I'm letting you take Harry. I'll die before I'll let anything happen to him." While he talked, Sirius scanned the area for possible escape routes. There was the street he had just come off of, but he wouldn't make it far if Peter decided to stop playing nice. A few muggles had stopped and were watching, but none of them could be counted on to help – they just wanted to see a fight. And James and Remus had yet to appear…. Both Sirius and Peter turned as a muggle vehicle came careening down the street, blue lights flashing and horn blaring. There were more muggles who had stopped now and were watching, whispering nervously to each other.

Peter turned to Sirius. "Please, just give me Harry!"

"Go to hell, Pettigrew," Sirius spat, backing away now. Surely Peter wouldn't curse him with muggles around –

The flashing car pulled up beside them and two men leapt out, standing behind the car and pointing what Sirius recognized to be muggle guns in their direction. "Black! Stay where you are!" one of the men shouted, while the other called to Peter: "Sir! Step away from that man!"

"I'm sorry," Peter whispered, steadying his wand. Then, raising his voice, he shouted, "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" Sirius took another step back, truly frightened now, as the muggle shouted again, "Sir!" and Peter's lips twisted into a small smile as he whispered, "_Expulso Totalus__._"

Sirius turned and wrapped his body around Harry's small figure as the world exploded around them.


	8. Deciding to Act

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Remus kept a firm grip on James' wrist as he led him back to the street which would take them to Grimmauld Place. Although they hadn't gone far, there were quite a few muggles on the street, and James had taken enough turns that they couldn't see the park from where they were.

James tugged, trying to free his arm. "You can let go now, Moony. I won't run off again, I swear."

Remus glanced back at him and, deciding he wasn't about to explode anymore, grinned and asked, "You swear, do you?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yes, Moony, I solemnly swear, only I'm not up to no good, I just want you to let go. I'm not a bloody child."

"Language," Remus said automatically, but he let go of James' arm. They continued, and just as they were about to turn onto the main street which would take them to Grimmauld Place, Remus heard the far-off sound of a siren. He stopped, listening intently, and James walked right into him.

"Ow, Moony, what –?"

"Shh!" Remus hissed. He knew it was probably nothing, but since neither James nor Sirius seemed inclined to take Sirius' current criminal status seriously, Remus had felt the need to be extra vigilant to compensate for their lack of attention. He knew he was probably being paranoid, but if those sirens were for Sirius….

"Remus, what is it?" James asked quietly, his hand hovering near his pocket where his wand was and his body tense. A passing muggle gave them an odd look.

Remus shook his head, straining his ears. Then, hearing the whir of a fast moving car coming in their direction, he cursed and took off running, dodging through the startled people crowding the street. "Remus!" James called urgently, starting into a run behind him. "What's wrong?"

"I think the muggles are here for Sirius," Remus called back. The siren blipped again, this time much closer, and Remus knew that James could hear it now. He lengthened his stride, willing his legs to go faster. A small vehicle with flashing lights zoomed past and pulled up beside a clump of people standing near a bus stop. Two figures emerged, shouting instructions, but Remus was still too far away to hear what they were saying.

James drew up so that he was level with Remus, and Remus saw that he had his wand up as well. Although they were both running as fast as they could, Remus couldn't banish the terrible feeling that they were too late. Some of the muggles in the crowd turned and hurried away, and in the space that they cleared Remus could see Sirius backing away from another man, who had a wand pointed at him –

_Peter_.

The world seemed to slow down, and Remus could do nothing more than watch helplessly as everything seemed to happen at once. He watched as Peter said something, and then his lips quirked into a little smile as his mouth began forming the incantation for a curse. He saw James' eyes widen as he realized what was happening, saw Sirius twist to shelter something – no, some_one_ – who he held in his arms; then Remus' wand was up, pointed at Peter while James shouted something, his own wand up and trained on Sirius –

And then the world exploded, and Remus was thrown backwards by the force of the explosion Peter's spell had caused. For a moment he couldn't see anything, only feel the hard concrete beneath him, and the only sound was the ringing in his ears. Gasping, Remus pushed himself to his feet, his head pounding and his skin burning. Around him, he could hear people screaming. _Sirius and Harry!_ He only made it a few steps before tripping over something and crashing forward onto his wrists. _Bloody __hell __–_ Then he realized what it was he'd tripped over and spun around, his wand pointed at James who lay stunned on the ground.

"_Rennervate_." James groaned, and Remus pushed himself back to his feet. There was a shallow crater in the ground where Peter had stood. The concrete around it was cracked and crumbling, and there were several pipes which had been unearthed and were spewing foul water everywhere. Around the edges bodies had been scattered, some struggling to push themselves into an upright position, others not moving at all. Sirius was just inside the crater, his body limp and lifeless, and Remus was about to run over when something else caught his eye.

It was a rat, scurrying towards the pipes at the bottom of the crater. "No," Remus growled. "_Petrificus Totalus!"_

While in school, Remus, James, Peter and Sirius had, over the course of many stupid mistakes and insults gone wrong, discovered that they were each good at different aspects of spellwork. Sirius, as they had found when he fought Narcissa in second year and dueled with James in later years, was one of the best duelists many people had ever seen. James had shown himself particularly inclined to precision and making things up on the spot, especially in transfiguration. Peter, as they had discovered in sixth year, was the best at powerful charms – whenever they wanted something big for a prank, he would be the one to perform the spell. But Remus had always had the best aim. _A crack shot_, Lily had told him in sixth year when as a prank he'd turned Frank's hair yellow from across the Great Hall. When he'd asked what it meant, she'd told him it was a muggle term for someone with unnaturally good aim.

The rat froze, falling to the ground as Remus strode towards it. "_Homorphus_," he said coldly, and the rat began to change back into the man it had been mere moments ago. "_Stupify. Incarcerous_." He wasn't taking any chances with Lily's murderer.

"Remus!"

Remus turned to see James on his feet, staggering over to the body that lay a few feet away. Assured that Peter Pettigrew would not be moving anytime soon, Remus ran forward and fell on his knees, his wand falling to the ground beside him as he helped James pulled Sirius onto his back. Harry lay in his arms, crying, and Remus wondered for an instant about the muggle band-aid on his forehead before he pulled him from Sirius' limp arms and into his own. James was already casting diagnostic charms with one had while the other groped desperately for a pulse.

"Come on," he said frantically, staring at the glowing bars hovering over the body. "No, I cast a shield!" Seeing something in the diagnostics, he paled and started casting again. Some were spells that Remus recognized as ones they used on him after the full moon, but most he didn't know, and assumed they were ones James had learnt in the Auror program.

Suddenly, there was a loud crack which seemed to come from all directions. Remus jumped, startled, but James didn't even seem to notice. "No," he was murmuring, the word coming between the spells and incantations. "No, no, no, no."

"Lupin?!"

Remus turned to see Mad-Eye striding towards him, wand up. Looking around he saw that there were at least five Aurors surrounding them, all with their wands leveled. Around them the people of Muggle London were struggling to stand, staring wide-eyed at the wizards or simply trying to find family and loved ones who had been caught in the blast. Meanwhile in the distance the sound of more sirens could be heard coming closer. "Wait," Remus said hastily, climbing to his feet. "Don't shoot!"

"James?" It was Alice Longbottom, staring at James – who was still kneeling over Sirius' body – as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Constant vigilance!" Mad-Eye shouted. Cautiously, he approached Remus. "I don't know what's going on, Lupin," he growled, "But right now you are going to do two things. First, you're going to hand over the Potter boy and your wand. Second, you and whoever that is with you are going to come with us to the Ministry, where I hope you've got yourself a damn good explanation for this."

"Alastor!" An Auror Remus didn't recognize called from a few feet away, sounding shocked. "It's Pettigrew!"

"Moony," James called and Remus half turned, wanting to help James but wary of the wand Mad-Eye had trained on him. Their eyes met and Remus saw fear, determination, and trust in James' face. "I'm sorry, I really am." James said quietly, his face pale. "I need to – I'm just doing what I can." His wand flicked up and a thick, swirling wall of dust appeared, blocking him and Sirius from Remus' – and the Aurors' – view.

"NO!" Mad-Eye shouted. Remus threw himself to the ground, holding a sobbing Harry tightly against him as several spells zoomed over his head and straight through the dust wall. The wall collapsed, but James and Sirius were already gone.

* * *

_Sirius opened his eyes, blinking in the bright light. Pushing himself carefully upright, he looked around, trying to figure out where he was. It appeared to be a large room, with a high ceiling… the Great Hall. But what was he doing at Hogwarts? And if he was at Hogwarts, then where were all the students and teachers? He made his way to the Gryffindor table and sat, tracing a knot in the wood. He didn't know what was going on, but he supposed of all the places he could be the Great Hall wasn't the worst._

_ Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of movement. Turning towards the door which led to the foyer, he saw Lily walking towards him, dressed in a loose green shirt and jeans._

_ "Lily." Sirius watched her warily as she sat on the bench beside him. "What's going on?"_

_ Lily smiled. "Missed you too, Sirius," she teased. "How about a _nice to see you_, or _I'm sorry you're dead_?"_

_ Sirius balked. "Am I dead?" he demanded. "No, Lily, I can't be dead, Peter was right there –"_

_ "Sirius," Lily said firmly, placing her small hand on his arm. "Relax. I won't tell you you're fine, because you're not, but you're not dead either. As I understand it, this is a kind of in between place, for people who have a choice." An expression of sadness flickered briefly across her face. "I made my choice before I died, so I never came through here. You, though…." She trailed off, looking around. "By the way, Sirius – where are we?"_

_ "The Great Hall, of course," Sirius said, gesturing around. "Don't you recognize it? We only spent seven years of our lives here."_

_ "__Oh." Lily shrugged, her gaze flitting a__round__ the room before landing back on Sirius. "Yes, I suppose I would recognize it, but since I'm not really here I don't see what you see."_

_ "__What do you mean you're not really here?" Sirius reached out and brushed her a__rm__, then poked her nose. He grinned. "You felt that, didn't you?"_

_ Lily laughed, swatting his hand away. "Of course I did. But I only felt it because you expected me to. Here, we're all just figments of each other's imagination. If you wanted to, you could imagine me gone, and to you I would disappear. You see, to me we're just in this bright light. There's no Great Hall, only you. If I wanted to, I could imagine that we're in Hogsmeade – and that's where we'd be, only to you we'd still be in Hogwarts. Do you see?"_

_ Sirius nodded slowly, then, seeing her mouth curving up and her eyebrows quirking in a way that told him she knew he was lying, he ducked his head and chuckled. "No. No, I don't understand. But I suppose it's not that important. You're here, and I'm … here." He frowned, then cursed. "Oh no, no, Lily! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry – where is he?" Sirius stood and turned, scanning the hall for his godson. Certainly he was here somewhere…._

_ "Where's who?" Lily asked, concerned._

_ "Harry, he was with me when – I'm sorry, Lily, I tried to protect him –"_

_ "Oh!" Lily reached out and grabbed his hands, making him look at her. "He's okay, Sirius. You saved him. Well." She smiled. "You and James, that is."_

_ "So he's okay?" Sirius asked, relieved. "It's just that I didn't have my wand, and –"_

_ "__Yes, he'll be fine. You, on the other hand…. Here." Standing, she took him towards the professor's table, where Sirius realized there was a bowl similar to the pensieve t__hat had o__nce sat__ in his father's s__tudy__. "Look."_

* * *

As soon as the world stopped spinning, James was on his feet, yelling for a healer. Almost immediately one of the on call emergency healers was beside him, casting.

"Sweet Merlin," the healer muttered, reading the diagnostics.

"He's not breathing, and there was an explosion, and I cast a shield charm but I don't – I mean Harry's alright, but _he's_ not, and you have to save him –" James stumbled over the sentences, words and explanations spilling out of his mouth faster than he could form them. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he should calm down, and that he would only make matters worse if he lost his head. The louder and much more persistent voice, however, was screaming that this was his best friend who hadn't been breathing for two minutes and ten seconds and whose heartbeat was irregular and getting weaker by the second.

"I need some help in here!" the healer called over his shoulder. He flicked his wand in the direction of the entrance before turning back to Sirius, and James saw a red light flash over the doorway. A second later two more healers had rushed in. One knelt down beside Sirius and started waving her wand as well, and the other took James firmly by the arm and, even though he protested, steered him out of the landing area and into a side room.

"Sit." James was pushed into soft but firm seat, and a small vial was shoved into his hand. "Drink this. It's a Calming Draught, it'll help you calm down." James uncorked the vial and tilted his head back, swallowing it in one gulp. Almost instantly a warm feeling spread out from his stomach, and when it reached his head he experienced the familiar effects: the light in the room became softer, the background noise faded from his notice, and the sound of his heart in his ears slowed to a more manageable pace.

"There, that's better, isn't it?" The healer took the vial from him and vanished it with a flick of his wand. "Now, my name is Healer Adams. Can you tell me your name, who you were with and how they sustained their injuries?"

"Right. I'm – " The name _Evan Greene_ died on James' lips. What was he really hiding from, anyway? Not Voldemort – Voldemort was dead. His followers were disbanded, or would be soon, and James knew that he wasn't alone anymore – he had Sirius and Remus, and he knew that they would die before they let anything happen to him or Harry. Besides, it was only a matter of time before someone recognized Sirius, if they hadn't already. In all probability Remus wouldn't be able to tell anything but the truth to Mad-Eye and Dumbledore, who was sure to find his way into the middle of all this. So, swallowing the urge to lie, James told the truth. "I'm James Potter, and that's my best friend, Sirius Black."

The healer's eyes widened, but James was still talking. "Look, I know I'm supposed to be dead and that you all think Sirius is a Death Eater, but that doesn't matter right now. All you need to know is that I'm alive and that Sirius is innocent, and he's hurt. I just lost my wife, Adams, I can't lose my best friend too." Vaguely, James noticed how calm he sounded. He hadn't sounded this calm in weeks, he didn't think, and when he thought about it he decided it was probably the Calming Draught. Potions did weird things to people's minds.

"You realize I'm going to have to report this to the Ministry," Adams said, still looking rather stunned.

James shook his head. "No, don't tell the Ministry, not yet. The moment they hear Sirius is here they'll come storming down and – well, you now, get into everything. Please, just make sure Sirius is all right. Once he's stable, you can tell the Ministry whatever you want."

Adams was silent for a second, then sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know what's come over me. Very well, Mr. Potter. I'll do what I can to keep this quiet. In the meantime, why don't you fill me in on how Mr. Black sustained his injuries, and we'll see what we can do about them."

"Thanks," James said, relieved. "It was an explosion. Sirius was maybe twelve feet from Peter, who cast the spell. I managed to get a shield charm in between them, but it was a very powerful spell and I think my aim may have been off. And Sirius didn't have his wand…. I was knocked back by the blast, and I was a good thirty or forty feet away."

"And do you know if this particular spell was Dark?"

James shook his head. "No, just a really powerful blasting spell." Closing his eyes, James tried to remember what the spell had looked like, and the explosion pattern. "Some version of Expulso, I think."

"Excellent," Adams muttered. He wrote something on a scrap of paper, then tapped it so that it folded itself into a paper bird and flew through a small window at the top of the door. Then he stood. "I'm going to check on Healers Brown and Moon, who are taking care of Mr. Black in the landing area. If you stay here, I'll be back shortly and let you know what I can." With one last warning look that clearly promised trouble if James left, Healer Adams left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

James sat back in his chair, tapping restlessly on the arm and shifting his feet. He knew that the healers at St. Mungo's were the best there were, but he still felt as though everything would go better if he were there. He jumped to his feet and was two steps towards the door before he stopped. _No, I'd just be in the way._ He turned and dropped into the seat Healer Adams had vacated, staring at the blank walls.

James remembered the last time he'd been in a room like this. It had been two years ago, and he and Gideon Prewet had been patrolling for the Order in Diagon Alley when they were attacked by five Death Eaters. Gideon had caused a distraction while James grabbed their emergency portkey (and it really had been an emergency), and had consequently gotten hit by a particularly nasty cutting spell. As soon as they were out of Diagon Alley, James had Apparated them both to St. Mungo's, where Gideon had been taken into the emergency care unit and James had sat in a room similar to this one until Lily came to find him.

_Why aren't there any pictures?_ James had asked, after she was satisfied he wasn't hurt. Since Lily was training in the hospital and he often passed through after work so they could Apparate home together, he knew that there was rarely a room or hallway that didn't have at least one picture. The conspicuous lack of framed witches and wizards in this room was rather unnerving.

_It's for privacy,_ Lily had answered quietly, holding his hand and occasionally shooting glances at the door. _This is where they tell people the bad news._

Now, trying not to stare at the empty walls, James switched from nervously tapping on the arm rest to twirling his wand between his fingers and debating the consequences of using unauthorized magic within the hospital.

_Padfoot _will_ be okay_, he thought stubbornly. _It's not going to be bad news._

* * *

"_So why did I decide we should be in the Great Hall?" Sirius asked, watching with fascination as the two emergency healers worked over his wrecked body in the pensieve._

_ Lily shrugged. "Like I said, I don't know too much about it. If I had to say, though …" she paused thoughtfully, then continued. "I'd expect, since you have a decision to make, that you'd decide to be somewhere where an equally important decision was made earlier in your life. For you, I'm guessing it was the Sorting Hat's decision to place you in Gryffindor rather than Slytherin."_

_ "Hmm." Sirius grimaced as one of the healers stuck a needle in his arm. "That's disgusting. And weird. I thought only muggles did stuff like that?"_

_ "It's because you're unresponsive," Lily said authoritatively, and Sirius recognized her Healer voice. "It does seem rather barbaric to most wizards, especially purebloods –" she shot him a look, and he stuck out his tongue at her "– but when you're not conscious enough to swallow and it's an emergency, intravenous methods are considered an acceptable practice now."_

_Sirius shuddered. "Still." Then, struck by a thought, he laughed. "Imagine if my mother saw, though! First she'd say it was my Gryffindor ways that got me into this situation, and then she'd be horrified that they were using muggle medicine on me. I'm sure she'd rather I die a horrible death than that the 'noble blood of a Black' be contaminated in a__ny__ way."_

_ Lily smiled, shrugging. "It is effective, though, and it's really not _that_ bad. Muggles have been using it successfully for years. But that's enough, I think." She took his hand again and led him back to where they'd been sitting at the Gryffindor table. "You have a decision to make."_

_ "So what exactly do I have to decide?" Sirius asked slowly. He thought it was pretty obvious – stay or go back – but he wanted to be sure he understood exactly what was being asked of him. He'd always been known as the impulsive one, and usually he was, but in cases like these where there was a lot at stake he liked to know what he was getting into._

_ "You have two choices," Lily explained. "Your first choice is to go back. You will enter your body again, and continue with your life. It'll be like a second chance. You'll get to be with Harry as he grows up, and you'll be with James and Remus again, if everything works out." Sirius nodded; because James had taken him to St. Mungo's it was likely the Ministry would know soon, if they didn't already, that he was in the hospital. They would probably arrest him again as soon as he was conscious and there was no guarantee that he wouldn't be sent straight back to prison. "Your second choice is to – well, to go on."_

_ When Sirius realized that she was done talking he asked slowly, "What do you mean, 'go on'?"_

_ Lily shrugged again. "That's it, really. There's not much to explain." She glanced back to where the pensieve sat. "Life's wonderful – but it's just the first part. Different people cross over at different times, but everyone goes on eventually. It's nothing to be afraid of, or sorrowful for; it's just the second part of life."_

_ "So how am I supposed to decide, then? Are there rules, or some sort of catch? – Do you have any suggestions?" Sirius asked as an afterthought._

_ "No. There's no catch, and I'm sorry but I can't help you. This is a decision you have to make for yourself."_


	9. We All Fall Down

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Remus did not like waiting. Really, he thought, that was the worst part of life. Waiting for your friends to catch up. Waiting for the professor to tell you if you'd passed or failed. Waiting for the moon to rise. And now here he was, pacing in a small room which was locked from the outside, waiting for someone to tell him what was happening, waiting to know whether Sirius was alive or not, and waiting to be told what had been done with Peter.

After James had disappeared with Sirius, the Aurors had taken Remus, Harry and Peter to the Ministry. Upon arrival, Remus' wand had been confiscated and Harry had been taken by a severe looking witch to presumably be checked over and then held in a safe location until this mess could be sorted out. Then Remus had been escorted down to this room, where he had been told to wait until they sent someone down to question him. According to Remus' watch, however, that had been over an hour ago, and he was beginning to get restless. Although he'd always been spectacularly good at hiding it, he'd never been good at sitting still if he didn't have a distraction (such as a good book).

Finally, at 6:30pm, the door swung open and Remus whipped around from where he'd been studying a strange mark on the wall to see Albus Dumbledore enter the room.

"Sir," Remus said, immediately stepping forward. "Thank you for coming. I really am sorry about all this –"

"That's quite all right, Remus," Dumbledore said, but he sounded tired and the ever-present twinkle in his eye was now absent. "Please, sit." A second chair appeared to accompany the one already in the room, and Remus took a seat. "I've just been to see Mr. Pettigrew."

Remus felt a wave of anger course through him, and had to bite down on his tongue to keep from growling out loud. After struggling for a moment, he managed to ask stiffly, "And?"

"And I would like to hear what you have to say," Dumbledore said calmly. "I find that often it is best to gain as many perspectives as possible before coming to a conclusion." He stared over his half-moon spectacles at Remus who had to resist the urge to fidget. It suddenly felt as though he were being questioned about an immature antic pulled off by Sirius and James at Hogwarts. "And while I have a hard time believing anything but the best of you, Remus, I must admit that I am finding it difficult to make sense of the events which have taken place over the last week without you somehow factoring into them."

Briefly, Remus considered telling the lie he'd been half-heartedly constructing over the past two hours in order to protect James, but now, looking Dumbledore in the face, he found that he couldn't do it. He opened his mouth, and suddenly realized that he didn't know what he was going to say.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore added mildly, "you should tell me what happened after you left my office on Halloween night."

"Well," Remus stuttered, collecting himself. "You remember how I told you that James had been to see me right before Voldemort went to Godric's hollow?" Dumbledore nodded. "I didn't realize this, but he told me later that just as he Disapparated, he was hit by a stunner. He was badly splinched, and only came to after Hagrid had been to take Harry…. " Remus paused, uncertain. James hadn't gone into much detail about what happened next, either because he didn't want to or because he himself could barely remember it. From what Remus could understand, though, James had arrived, found Lily dead, and then Sirius had arrived and taken him to St. Mungo's. "Of course, I thought Voldemort had killed him as well." Remus swallowed at the pain that rose up in that memory and the knowledge that, even though James was alive, Lily had not been so lucky.

"I only realized he was alive the next night, when I cam home and found him and Harry asleep on my couch. He told me that Peter had been the secret keeper, not Sirius, and I realized that I needed to get Sirius out of Azkaban. James refused to let anyone know he was still alive, and Sirius is particularly affected by dementors. I retrieved that cloak from you, sir, and managed to sneak Pad– Sirius out of Azkaban. I brought him to my house, where we were all staying, but that was the night we were attacked. James sent Sirius and Harry somewhere safe, and stayed to help me until the Order showed up. This morning –" had it truly only been this morning? "– I received a message to meet them in the park, where Peter attacked us. James had become upset and I went to talk to him while Sirius stayed with Harry. I knew something was wrong when I heard the sirens, and James and I arrived just in time to see Peter blow the place apart. James cast a shield, but –" Remus paused, then asked worriedly "Sir, have you heard of Sirius? Is he – is he all right?"

"We have not been able to locate either Mr. Black or Mr. Potter yet," Dumbledore replied. "However, I will be sure to notify you as soon as I receive word of their whereabouts and well-being."

"Thank you," Remus murmured. Internally, wondered where James could have taken Sirius that they hadn't been found yet. He'd have thought James would have gone to St. Mungo's … no matter. There was nothing he would be able to do anyway. Remus drew a deep breath to continue his account.

"After making sure that James was all right, I stunned and bound Peter. Sirius was unconscious, and when I reached him I found that he was holding Harry, and had protected him from Peter's curse. James began casting healing spells, and that was when the Aurors arrived. I stood to meet Moody, and then James created a distraction before Disapparating with Sirius." Remus sat back, holding his hands in his lap and trying to mask how nervous he was. "I don't know where they are." _Please let him believe me … Please let Sirius be okay…._

Dumbledore sat staring silently at Remus for a few minutes, enough to make Remus acutely uncomfortable, before he let out a weary sigh and removed his spectacles to rest his ancient head in his hands.

"You realize, Remus, that you have just told me a tale very different than that told to me a mere hour ago by Peter Pettigrew?"

Remus just barely managed to suppress a scowl. "I am."

"Very well." Dumbledore was silent for a moment before placing his spectacles back on his nose and folding his hands in front of him. "I must say, Remus, that I am at a loss. The story I have heard from Mr. Pettigrew aligns with the popular order of events and, I must admit, is therefore more believable. However, I see no reason to doubt your story – it includes many interesting facts which Mr. Pettigrew failed to identify in his telling.

"For now you must stay here and wait a while longer." This time Remus couldn't keep from sighing, but was nevertheless gratified to see the corner of Dumbledore's mouth twitch upwards. "I shall be very surprised, Remus, if you do not find yourself still waiting tomorrow morning. We will do our best to find evidence to corroborate both your and Mr. Pettigrew's stories, but in the meantime Mr. Potter is your best witness, and he cannot be found. I will try to come tomorrow with news, but for now I must bid you goodnight."

"Thank you." Remus stood as Dumbledore did. "Good night, sir."

The door swung shut behind Dumbledore and Remus stared at it forlornly for a moment before spinning around and beginning to pace again. Merlin, he hated waiting.

* * *

"_Can't you decide for me?" Sirius asked weakly, glancing halfheartedly at Lily. She smiled from where she was sitting opposite him at the table. "I think you know the answer to that, Sirius."_

_ "Right," Sirius muttered, turning back to stare at the the professor's table. He'd thought the choice would be easy – go back, obviously. James was there, and Remus and Harry. They all needed him, and would be devastated if he decided to go on. If he returned, he would have a full life ahead of him. With Voldemort gone, he could stay on the Auror force or turn to Muggle Relations, which he'd always thought interesting. He remembered that it had come up briefly in his conversation with McGonagall at the end of fifth year, but had slipped off the table because for him there simply hadn't been a choice – of course he would join the fight against Voldemort. Now, though … he didn't know._

_ On the other hand, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't be sent to Azkaban again even with James' testimony. The Azkaban guard's words kept ringing in his ears, reminding him that the Ministry was corrupt and prejudiced, and that he was a Black. And from what he'd seen in the pensieve, there was no way he would escape this without lasting injuries. He knew that magic could fix almost anything, and that the healers at St. Mungo's could work wonders, but he'd also seen many members of the Auror force as well as of the Order of the Phoenix retire to struggle with debilitating injuries that never fully healed, despite the healer's best efforts. He'd always been very active, and didn't know if he could live with an injury like that. And if he made the choice to go on, Remus and James would recover. They had each other, and Harry…._

_ But what if they didn't? Could James survive losing him and Lily all in the span of one week? The image of James when Sirius had found him the night Lily was killed flashed through Sirius' memory, and he closed his eyes briefly. No, he decided. James may survive, but he would not be okay. And while Remus was strong, he too would struggle with another loss._

_ Sirius sighed, and turned to Lily. "You really did have to complicate things, didn't you," he said softly. Lily didn't say anything, only reached forward to rest her hands on his. He stared at her unhappily for a moment, before abruptly standing. "What now?"_

_ Lily stood as well, and the Great Hall dissolved around them until they were just standing – or were they floating? – in a plane of light. "Now you go back."_

_ Sirius looked down at their hands, which were still joined. "Will I remember this?" he asked._

_ "__I don't know," Lily said. "But Sirius, look at me." Sirius looked up, __meeting her steady gaze__. "You are the bravest, most loyal person I have ever met. No matter what happens, please know that I love you, and cannot think of a better friend for James and role model for Harry. Thank you for everything you have done for my family, and whatever you think you did wrong, I forgive you."_

_ Sirius managed to smile at that. "Shall I tell James that it was really me you loved all along?" he teased._

_ Lily laughed, punching him gently with his own hand. "Sirius Black, don't you dare! No, tell him and Harry that I love them and miss them, and remind James that he is the most wonderful person in the world. I think he forgets that sometimes."_

_ Sirius opened his mouth to assure her that of course he would, but before he could make a sound the world around him was gone, taking Lily with it._

* * *

James was dosing in one of the armchairs when a sixth sense he had acquired on the Auror force jerked him awake. The moment the doorknob rattled James was on his feet, and the moment he saw who it was his wand was in his hand, although not pointed directly at the intruder. "What are you doing here, Alice?" he asked steadily. Although she was one of the friendliest people he had ever met, she was also very strong-willed and stubborn to a fault. If you were on her good side, she brought light and joy to every moment you were with her. If you were on her bad side, though – well, you didn't want to be on her bad side.

Alice Longbottom shut the door behind her before turning slowly to face him. "One of the healers informed us that Sirius Black was in intensive care," she said calmly, "and when we arrived he told us you were down here. Scrimgeour sent me to find you."

"Fuck," James cursed, starting for the door. When Alice tried to block his way, James raised his wand threateningly. "Out of my way, Longbottom," he threatened. "I won't let them take Sirius."

"Calm down, Potter," Alice said, and even though she was not currently holding her wand it was clear that she was not moving. "No one's doing anything to Black until he's stable and has regained consciousness. We're just here to keep an eye on you two, and I'm supposed to collect a statement while I'm at it." Alice raised an eyebrow, and James struggled with his need to check and the knowledge that it probably wouldn't do any good. After a brief moment, he sighed and lowered his wand.

Alice gestured him into the seat he had just vacated, then sat down herself. She shot him a look, then sighed shook her head. "Merlin, Potter, it's not every day someone comes back from the dead."

"Let's pray it is," James said, thinking of Sirius. Alice had said he was in intensive care now, and had implied that he wasn't yet stable, but surely the healers would let him know if something were truly wrong?

"That would be nice, wouldn't it," Alice laughed bleakly. "I couldn't believe it, you know, when they told me you were dead. Whenever you took a hit before you always bounced right back; I always thought you were too stubborn to die." Alice looked up at James. "This war is a terrible thing, and it hasn't just taken the lives of those who have fallen. It's taken our lives as well."

"Tell me about it," James muttered. He started tapping the armrest again. "Do you know how Sirius is?" he asked abruptly. "No one's told me anything."

Alice shook her head. "I was just told to find you."

"And babysit me, right?"

Alice glanced at him. "And make sure you don't run off again. You've got us in quite a mess, you know."

James shrugged. "What about Remus? And Harry?"

"I don't know about Remus, but I think we can safely assume they've got him locked up somewhere for questioning. As for Harry, I was given specific instructions not to tell anyone, but –" Alice grimaced. "You've always been the exception to the rule, James, and I don't suppose that'll change anytime soon. Arebella Figg, who you know works with the Department of Management and Control of Magical Children, took him to the Longbottom Manor and they're both staying with Frank's mum until this gets sorted out." Alice smiled slightly. "I imagine Frank might take Neville to visit, once he's got some sleep."

James nodded. While he wished he could be there for his son, he knew that Harry was in good hands, and at the moment Sirius needed him more. It was not an easy choice, but like so many others it was one that had to be made. And he could always go find Harry at Mrs. Longbottom's house – he'd been a few times before with his parents – or if they were at Frank and Alice's place, that was only a short floo away –

"Alice," James said slowly, a feeling of dread settling deep in his stomach. "You did perform the Fidelius Charm, didn't you? At the same time as Lily and I did?"

"Yes, of course." Alice gave him an odd look. "You know that, and I assure you it's perfectly safe for Harry –"

"Number 6, Chittenden Avenue, Upper Flagley, Yorkshire" James said curtly, standing. "We need to go."

Alice paled and sprang to her feet. It hardly occurred to James that mere moments ago he had pledged to stay with Sirius – Sirius would understand. He would probably do the same, as James would expect him to. Always go where the need was greatest: that was what half the war was about. They raced down the hall, and when Alice hesitated at the corner, James sprinted past her and to the left. "This way," he called, leading them to the nearest Disapparition point.

James reached the point and immediately spun, focusing on the tall fir tree that he would Apparate to when meeting the Longbottoms at their house. When he arrived, he immediately fell into a crouch, wand out as he surveyed the situation. Nothing seemed to be wrong … he ducked and spun as a loud crack rang out, only to lower his wand as he realized that it was Alice. She didn't stop, but ran towards the house with her wand clenched in her white fist.

James rose and followed quickly, pushing back the memories that threatened to overwhelm him. _Collapsed house, blown out windows…. No. __It's fine, it'll all be okay_ … but when had that ever been the case?

Alice reached the door and burst in, James right on her heels. Almost immediately he picked up the sound of someone screaming. Apparently the assailants had cast a sound-muffling charm, though, because Alice didn't seem able to hear anything. James reached out and touched her arm.

"This way," he whispered, gesturing to where the sound was coming from. "I'll cover you." Alice crept forward, her face set, and by the time they reached the drawing room James could tell that she could now hear the screaming as well. It sounded like Frank. They snuck to the door, where they paused. James bent his head, listening intently.

"_Crucio!_" That was a young man's voice.

_Screaming._

"Tell us where the Dark Lord is!" An older man, with a harsh voice.

_Choked, harsh breathing._

"You're not doing it right," a woman's voice, prim. "_Crucio!_"

_Screaming_.

"Now, Bella, you must let him learn." Another man.

_Strained groans_.

"Four," James mouthed, holding up his fingers. Alice nodded grimly, her lips pressed in a thin line. James took a brief moment to admire her self-control. Although their odds were low, they weren't impossible, and James had faced worse. Much worse. Both he and Alice were some of the best Aurors in the Ministry, so they had skill in their favor as well. Although he would much rather have Sirius by his side, Alice or Frank would have close seconds. He held up his fingers: _t__hree, two, one_.

Alice burst in the door, and James immediately started firing over her shoulder. Assessing rapidly, he was pleased to realize that had been right – there were three men and one woman standing around Frank, who was collapsed on the floor. Neville was nowhere in sight. Immediately the four Death Eaters spun around with their wands up, but Alice had already hit the youngest with a stunner and the second man was occupied with tentacles which had burst from his ears, nose and mouth. It was a nasty jinx, but these were nasty men and James was not feeling particularly forgiving at the moment.

"Potter!" James whirled as the woman shrieked his name, hastily erecting a shield and casting around it as Alice dueled the third man. With a sinking feeling he recognized Bellatrix Lestrange, and realized that two of the others must be the Lestrange brothers. While everyone at Hogwarts knew that Sirius was the best dueler, it was apparently in the Black blood – Bellatrix came in a close second, and even her sister Narcissa was good enough to have earned some measure of respect.

A curse shattered his shield, and James dove to the ground as another followed quickly. Rolling to the right, he sprang up and managed to fire hex in her direction before he felt a burning hot spell graze his left arm, causing it to flare in pain. Cursing, he cast another shield and spun to face the elder Lestrange brother, who had apparently recovered from the tentacles.

"You killed him!" Bellatrix screamed. "You killed our beloved master!"

James grit his teeth against the pain in his arm, and stabbed his wand in Bellatrix's direction. It was a powerful non-verbal spell he had learnt from his father, who had told him only to use it in the direst of situations. Now, as James faced two opponents with a burnt arm and a building rage for all they had done, he felt it to be pretty dire. "He killed my wife," he snarled as Bellatrix was blown up and back against the far wall. James turned to her husband, and started casting stunner after stunner. The man stumbled backwards, seeming overwhelmed for a moment, but then he found his feet and was on the offensive again.

Bellatrix stirred in the corner where she had fallen. James turned to stun her, only to throw himself to the ground again to avoid another curse. Spells were flying around the room, and James didn't know how much longer he and Alice could hold their own against three skilled Death Eaters. If it had just been Frank, he and Alice could have grabbed him and Disapparated right out, but they hadn't seen any sign of Neville yet, and that was worrying. James knew that Alice wouldn't go anywhere without her son, and he certainly wouldn't leave Alice to fend for herself.

"James, down!"

James had hardly registered Alice's warning than he had thrown himself to the ground. A spell shot over his head and hit Bellatrix square in the chest. She shrieked as flames burst over her skin, and her husband let out a yell of rage, turning to Alice with a look of fury on his face. James knew what was coming before it happened, and so was already thinking _Levicorpus!_ before the the Killing Curse had left the man's wand. Alice shot into the air with a surprised squeak, but James had already slashed his wand around and conjured a flock of colorful birds which dove at Lestrange, pecking viciously at his face and hands. A spell flew over his shoulder and he glanced up to see that Alice had her wand trained on Bellatrix, her eyes narrowed as she concentrated on casting while hanging upside-down from the ceiling. James flicked his wand at her to let her down, then immediately conjured a shield as Lestrange hurled another round of curses his way.

Just when James was wondering how much longer they could go on dueling, there came a pained groan from the other side of the room, where Frank lay on the ground. Lestrange's eyes darted quickly to the noise, and James took the distraction as an opportunity to disarm him, reaching out to pluck the other man's wand from the air as it came soaring towards him.

"_Incarcerous_," James said firmly, and ropes shot from his wand to bind the Death Eater where he stood. Bellatrix screamed, and then suddenly James couldn't feel anything except the pain exploding from his abdomen. _No_. The world tipped, but James didn't even care that he was on the ground – all he could focus on was keeping the black spots which danced around his vision at bay. He grit his teeth, fighting to stay awake. _Not now, no way, you're dead if you don't fight this_ – and then the pain was gone and James was gasping, trying to focus on Alice's pale face. Nausea surged within him and he rolled over, vomiting onto the deep red carpet which covered the Longbottom's sitting room floor. It was only then that he became aware of the fact that it was quiet. "What h-happened –" he coughed, but Alice was already talking.

"She hit you with the Vivius Sectum Curse," Alice let out a shaky laugh. "You are _really_ lucky that I knew the countercurse. Are you all right?"

James gingerly probed his abdomen, and winced. "I think I'll survive." He'd never heard of that particular curse, and he filed the name away so that he could look it up later. "Where did they go?"

The scowl was back on Alice's face in an instant. "Disapparated," she growled, then stood and reached down her hand to pull James to his feet. She then hurried to Frank's side while James secured the two other Death Eaters, both of whom were still unconscious. Finding Frank's broken wand in the corner, he carefully placed it in his pocket before joining Alice beside her husband's still body.

"I've got him," James said, kneeling beside them with his wand already raised over Frank's still form. "You find Neville."


	10. Memories of Things Lost

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Alice stood and James bent over Frank, first casting a diagnostic to see if his condition was critical. What he saw was not good: Frank's breathing was shallow and his heart rate fast, and all over his body an angry red light indicated that he was still in pain, although no longer under the curse.

James cast a few basic healing charms to ease Frank's breathing and lower his pain. The fact that he didn't know how long Frank had been under the Cruciatus Curse was less than ideal, but from what he could see of Frank's condition he would guess that it had been for quite some time. James remembered that in school, Frank had always been both easy-going and surprisingly stubborn – he couldn't imagine that Frank would give in to the pain easily. "_Rennervate_," James said steadily. If Frank woke up, it would be easier to diagnose his condition.

Frank stiffened, then screamed. Almost as though she had Apparated, Alice was beside James. "Frank?" she demanded. "Frank, it's okay honey, it's okay." Frank groaned, breathing through his teeth. Alice turned to James. "What's wrong with him? Can't you do anything?"

"I'm trying!" James said frantically, waving his wand over Frank's body. After the third try he let out a sigh of frustration and cast a quick "_Dormio._" Frank slumped, but his breathing remained fast and his face was tense. "Damn them," Alice growled.

"Have you found Neville?" James asked quietly.

Alice shook her head, pressing her lips together. She stood suddenly and strode out of the room. After a moment James could hear her quick footsteps on the stairs as she went to search the second floor.

"_Expecto patronum_," he said calmly, thinking of Sirius' face when he'd sprayed him with water in the Shrieking Shack. Nothing. Biting his lip, James turned his attention back to Frank. He was just about at the extent of his healing knowledge, though, and knew that Frank needed real attention.

Feeling that there was nothing else he could do for Frank, James was about to get up and help Alice search for Neville when he heard a wail start in one of the upstairs rooms. A moment later Alice appeared, holding a sobbing Neville and looking so relieved she seemed about to collapse. Nevertheless she quickly crossed the room to where James was with Frank and knelt down, shifting Neville so that she could rest a hand on her husband's shoulder.

"We need to get him to the hospital," James said. "I think it would be best to floo."

Alice nodded, standing with Neville in her arms. "You go ahead. I'll send for someone to deal with them," she gestured at the captured Death Eaters, "and then I'll take Neville to his grandmother's before meeting you there."

James cast a fire in the grate, then cast a Feather-Light Charm on Frank before lifting him onto his shoulders. Then, tossing floo powder provided by Alice into the fire, he said the address for St. Mungo's and stepped into the green flames.

* * *

After being questioned by the Aurors and again by someone from the Department of Management and Control of Magical Children, Remus had finally been allowed to go back to his room at the Leaky Cauldron, without his wand and under strict instruction not to leave. He'd signed what he'd needed to sign, promised to behave, and collapsed on the bed the moment the door swung shut behind him. The relentless questioning and the hours of waiting and worrying about Sirius and James had taken their toll, and Remus was exhausted.

It seemed as though he had barely slept, however, when someone came knocking loudly at his door. It swung open a moment later, and Remus pushed himself into a sitting position, blinking blearily in the early-morning sunlight. Squinting, he recognized the short, dark woman before him as an Auror who also worked with the Order of the Phoenix. Jones, he thought her name was.

"Mr. Lupin?" Her eyes flitted around the small room before coming back to rest on him. "I'm here to take you to St. Mungo's."

Remus blinked at her in confusion, forcing his tired brain to work … then her words hit him and he hastily stood, self-consciously straightening his rumpled robes. "Is it Sirius?" he demanded. "Is he okay? Is James okay?"

Jones nodded, beckoning him out of the room and down into the main room of the Leaky Cauldron, which was surprisingly full considering the time. Jones led him to the fireplace, and offered him the floo powder. "There was an attack at the Longbottoms' house, which Potter was a part of. I could tell you now, but I think it will be better if you see for yourself."

Remus tossed the floo powder into the fire, and stepped in after saying the address for St. Mungo's Hospital. The fire roared around him, and then he was stepping quickly out of the fire and onto the soft carpet in the reception room. A second later Jones stepped out behind him and led him down a bright white corridor to a bright white door which led to a small lobby. Inside, Remus found a tired looking James watching an equally tired looking Alice pace in tight circles.

At the sound of the door opening, James' head snapped up. "Moony!" he exclaimed, and in three strides was across the room, grabbing Remus' shoulders in a tight hug. Tentatively, Remus returned the embrace, but not before noticing that James had a fresh bandage covering his left arm. "I'm so, so sorry that I left you and Harry like that," James said, stepping back so that he could look Remus in the eyes. "But I didn't think – he almost didn't make it…."

"But he's alright?" Remus asked anxiously, tensing. They'd already lost Lily, and he didn't know if he (or James) would be able to deal with losing Sirius as well.

James let out a deep breath and lifted a hand to run through his hair. "He's stable, but they still don't know if he'll pull through, or what the consequences will be …" his voice wavered slightly, before hardening with an edge of anger. "They've got an entire squad of Aurors up there, even though I _told_ them he was innocent. Speaking of, though – they've got Peter, right?"

"He's in a holding cell at the Ministry," Remus reassured him. His eyes drifted to Alice, who was watching them with thin lips and a white face. "I heard there was an attack. What happened?"

"Fucking Death Eaters," Alice growled, and James shot her a look. "They didn't find Neville, thank Merlin, but Frank is in the spell damage ward. They said that he's suffering from prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse, and he's in a coma. They don't know when he'll wake up," she added miserably.

_Or if he'll wake up_, Remus thought. He vividly remembered reading a chapter on the side effects of the Cruciatus Curse back in his fourth year at Hogwarts, and the prognosis for prolonged exposure had been grim. Very grim. "Alice, I'm so sorry. Do you know who did it?"

Alice pressed her lips together and turned furiously back to her pacing. Shooting an uncertain look at James, Remus saw that he too had a rather angry expression on his face. "Two of the Death Eaters Apparated out during the duel, but we had managed to capture the other two. We both left straight away: Alice brought Neville to his grandmother's, and I brought Frank here. We told Mad-Eye and he sent a team to collect them, but apparently when they arrived the two we had tied up had vanished."

"We'll get them," Remus said, watching Alice's pacing. "With Voldemort gone, they don't have anyone to run to. We'll make them pay for what they did, Alice, I promise."

Beside Remus, James was nodding. "We got old Voldemort already," he said lightly. "After him, the Lestranges will be a piece of cake."

Remus whirled on James. "The Lestranges?" he demanded. "You and Alice went up against the _Lestranges_?" All thoughts of vengeance fled, replaced by a feeling of horror. "What the hell were you thinking, James? You could have been killed – you should have gone for backup!" He'd met the Lestranges before, both at school and later during skirmishes between the Death Eaters and the members of the Order. He'd always been impressed by their skill, even when it had resulted in the deaths and injuries of many of his associates – they were feared as individuals for their ruthless cruelty, and he believed himself lucky that he'd never fought them when they were together. Now, it was almost beyond belief that James and Alice had made it away with only superficial wounds.

James lifted his hands defensively, taking a step back. "Okay, first of all we didn't know it was the Lestranges until after we had interrupted them. And second, they were _torturing_ Frank, Moony. I –" James' eyes darted to Alice " – _we_ couldn't let that happen."

Remus let out a gusty breath and sank into the nearest chair, scrubbing his face with his hands. Behind him, Jones moved forward and lay a hand on Alice's arm, taking her aside and talking quietly. If he'd wanted to, Remus could have heard what they were saying, but frankly he wasn't that interested. James gave him an indecipherable stare, then turned and walked to the assistant's desk where he leaned in and began talking to him. Curious, Remus watched the exchange. He still wasn't entirely sure why he had been brought here, but he was glad to be in the same room as one of his friends again. The assistant sent a paper bird flying off down the hall, and James turned and walked back to where Remus was sitting.

"Come on," he said, gesturing Remus to stand. "I've just informed the Squad that we'll be joining them. I didn't think it would be a good idea to go against them alone, but now that you're here we're evenly matched."

Remus sighed, smothering a yawn and pushing himself to his feet. "'The Squad,' James, is that really what we're calling them now? And surely you can take on one of your co-workers without me by your side?"

"Oh no," James said, rolling his eyes as they set off down the hall towards the lifts. "No, apparently Padfoot is such a big threat that they need _t__hree_ Aurors guarding him while he's _unconscious_. I can't wait to see what they do when he wakes up. They'll have the whole department down here, you mark my words." They entered the lift and James jabbed the button for the fourth floor. "Anyway, we stand a chance now because with your brains and my skills, we can take on anyone and come out on top. You're very persuasive, you know; I bet you could convince a hippogriff to hatch a dragon, if you put your mind to it."

Remus sighed, and reached around James to press the button for the fifth floor. "Fine. But before we take on three Aurors single-handedly, I'm having a cup of tea."

* * *

The first thing that Sirius was conscious of was how easy it was to breath. It was almost as though he wasn't breathing at all – he couldn't feel his chest, and the only reason he knew he was breathing at all was the feeling of air moving effortlessly in and out through his nose. _Must be charmed … I mean spelled,_ he thought groggily. He briefly considered opening his eyes, but then decided that would be too much effort. _Why open my eyes when I can breath just as easily with them closed …?_

"I swear to God, Potter –"

"I just want to see him –"

The second thing Sirius became aware of were loud, muffled voices arguing just within earshot. Or he thought they were within earshot – it was hard to focus on what they were saying, and the words kept fading in and out. Eventually he realized that one of the voices belonged to James, and he definitely recognized the other voice, but his brain was so muddled right now that he couldn't put a name to it. James would know, he was sure, but how could he ask him? Sirius tried to open his mouth, but gave up on the second attempt. Apparently thinking really hard about opening his mouth wasn't going to do the trick, and he wasn't sure how else to do it. Shouldn't his body obey him when he told it to do something? Maybe he should just go back to sleep.

"I'm not giving up, you know."

_R__emind James …_

"Potter, I have _very_ specific instructions –"

"And, by the way, neither is Remus."

_… __that he is the most wonderful person in the world._

Sirius' eyes fluttered open, and he managed to keep them that way for about two seconds before they fell shut again. _No._ This time he put his will behind it, and they stayed open. Looking around, Sirius saw that he was in a small white room, empty except for himself, the bed he was presumably in (he couldn't actually see it, with his limited range of vision), and a small table of potions on his left. When he tried to move his head, he found that he couldn't. Not like he hadn't been able to open his eyes – he could feel his neck muscles trying to work, however weakly – but like he had been petrified. He also couldn't feel anything lower than his neck, and suspected that for some reason his entire body had been made numb.

This realization, however, seemed to have overwhelmed his slow-functioning brain. Sirius was aware of a rushing, roaring noise in his ears before the world swayed and his vision went dark.

"… said he was awake, but maybe it was a false reading – oh no, wait, here he comes again."

This time it didn't take nearly as much effort to remain awake, and it only took two tries to fully open his eyes. The room was still somewhat blurry, though, and the two figures leaning over him were even more so. Sirius blinked, trying to clear his eyes.

"Black?" Sirius couldn't tell which of the figures was talking to him, so he tried to focus on the one nearest him. "Can you hear me?" The face swam into focus, and Sirius was pleased to see that he had been right – it was the healer who was leaning over him and asking questions, while Joseph Bradley – a new Auror who had trained in the same class as Sirius and James – hovered apprehensively at the foot of the bed.

" … conscious, but that doesn't always mean the same thing –"

"I should probably inform Scrimgeour," Bradley said. He glanced in the direction of the door, but didn't make any move to leave. Sirius remembered that, during training, he had always been rather indecisive, and that had led to him nearly failing the program. Sirius still didn't know how he'd managed to pass the final exams, and although he knew it was mean of him to think so, didn't think that Bradley would last long in the real world. Although perhaps, now that Voldemort was gone, he would have a chance.

The healer made a noise like he was about to say something, but he never got the chance. The door flew open, startling both of them into jumping, to reveal James, Remus, and an annoyed-looking Fergus Crowley. James was alternating between glancing nervously at Sirius and smirking at Crowley, while Remus, after meeting Sirius' eyes for a brief moment, turned to the healer.

"How long has he been awake?"

"Not long – he seems to be drifting in and out."

James came and laid a hand next to Sirius – he assumed it was on his arm, but since he still couldn't feel anything lower than his neck, he couldn't be sure – and studied him for a moment before asking a question in a low voice.

_What?_

Sirius stared at James in helpless confusion. _What did he say?_ But he couldn't explain that he hadn't heard him – he still didn't seem able to voice his thoughts out loud. The healer's voice drifted around the room, interrupted briefly by Crowley's, and Sirius saw James shoot a look of annoyance in their direction; it was so brief that Sirius wasn't sure anyone but he had noticed it. "Padfoot?"

But the world was spinning again, and this time Sirius didn't have the energy to fight it. James and Remus were here, Harry was okay, Voldemort was gone – voices and faces blurred together, and the world seemed to collapse inwards as Sirius was swallowed into the dark oblivion of sleep.

* * *

_It was a cold morning in early April, and the last of the snow was finally beginning to disappear. The sun wasn't up yet, but James knew it would be soon – light was already beginning to illuminate the clear sky, and the sun would follow shortly. Shivering, James thought for a moment that at any other time in the past years, he would never be out here. Although he loved Hogwarts, he'd never particularly liked the climate this far north: it was too gloomy for him, too dark and cloudy._

_ A small, surprisingly warm hand slipped into his, and a flowery scent washed over him as soft lips brushed his cheek. "It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?" Lily whispered, staring around with a shy, pleased smile on her face. James let go of her hand, instead pulling her close against him. _For this, I would live in Iceland,_ he thought giddily._

_ They walked down to the lake, then turned together and walked along the shore. The sun rose, first casting long shadows out of the Forbidden Forest and then finally, slightly, warming the air around them. And all the while, James couldn't quite believe how lucky he was. This wonderful, beautiful girl beside him actually _liked_ him, even if she hadn't admitted to loving him yet – but that would come in time, James was sure, and he wasn't going to rush her. Having her just like him was enough, and James thought that would always be enough, if it had to be. Lily glanced up at him and smiled, as though sensing his thoughts, and James couldn't help the answering grin that spread across his face. "I love you," he said, pulling her close to kiss her._

_ Lily laughed, returning the kiss for a minute and then pulling away so that she could beam at him. "You have to," she told him. "That's your job."_

_ "__Even if I didn't have to," James insisted as they started back up the hill to the castle. It was almost breakfast, and James was sure that Sirius, Remus and Peter would sack the school to find him if he didn't show up for t__he first meal of the day__._

_They reached the entrance hall, but before they entered Lily tugged on James' arm, stopping him. "James," she said nervously, and even in the shadows James could see her blushing. Before he could ask why she was nervous (and before he had time to get nervous himself) she had pulled him down and was kissing him even as he had done moments ago. They stood like that in the shadows of the entrance hall for what felt like __an __eternity, and James never wanted it to stop._

_ Then Lily broke away and whispered "I love you too."_

* * *

James started awake, his hand darting up to quickly wipe the tears from his cheeks. He took his glasses, which had fallen onto his lap, and placed them carefully on his nose, looking around to see if anyone had noticed him crying in his sleep. The only other people in the room, though, were Remus and Sirius. Remus was snoring quietly in the chair next to James, looking exhausted despite the fact that he was asleep, and Sirius lay pale and unmoving in the hospital bed, still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest.

Slumping back in his chair, James stared unhappily at his two best friends. He tried to think of the last time they had all had a chance to just _be_ together, without having to be stressed or worried or afraid. The night Harry was born … but there had been a raid at the Ministry, where Peter had been working. Casting his mind back, James thought of his wedding day, and smiled, closing his eyes. He could remember the fresh smell of spring, Peter's laugh and Remus' smile, and Sirius' arm flung casually around his shoulders … but he also saw the way Mad-Eye and Crowley kept an eye on the outskirts, the way Dumbledore always kept one hand in the pocket of his dress robes … and later that night, the sadness in his father's eyes…. Maybe then it had been earlier, before their graduation from Hogwarts, for that day had brought only the knowledge that they were entering a world at war in which they had no choice but to choose a side, and fight.

On that day, James had thought it was obvious which side he and his friends would choose. Lily was muggleborn, Remus a werewolf, Peter a half-blood, and Sirius a blood-traitor. All of them would be outcasts, if not outright murdered, if Voldemort and his Death Eaters won. But then, as the months wore on, it became obvious that there was a traitor in their midst. James, Lily, Sirius, Remus – even Peter, all had near misses in which they were lucky to come out alive. Sirius and Peter had both thought it to be Remus, and Remus and even Lily had reluctantly suspected Sirius. James, though, had refused to believe any of his friends would betray him, and still had difficulty accepting what Peter had done.

_He betrayed you. If you had been any less lucky, Voldemort would have murdered you and Harry as well._

James didn't feel lucky, though. His wife was dead, Remus was ill with stress and worry, Sirius was in a coma, and Harry would now live with memories of that night, and without a mother to comfort him. And Peter … Peter would probably spend the rest of his life in Azkaban for what he had done.

"He deserves it," James whispered. As though saying it aloud would make it true.

Remus let out another snore, and James glanced at him again. What would have happened, he wondered, if he had waited for Sirius? Of course he had thought about it, but he'd never let himself actually imagine it before; it just hurt too much. _I could have been there, I could have saved her_. But could he have? Closing his eyes, he imagined himself back in their sitting room, holding a restless Harry while Lily made herself ready for bed. Lily coming down the stairs, taking Harry, and then…?

_"Oh come on, Remus. __Please can we go find the others?__ I told you, I finished it."_

_ Remus frowned suspiciously at James. "Let me see it, then."_

_ James __leaned over the edge of his chair__ to riffle through his school bag, pulling out his potion's book. "Here, I did it here." James opened the book to where the question sheet was and pointed triumphantly to where he had scribbled the answers in the margins. "See?"_

_Remus let out a horrified squeak. "James! You wrote in your book!" He snatched the book from James' grasp and gaped down at the __smudged __ink marks. "And half of these are wrong, too!"_

_ James rolled his eyes and tried to tug the book out of Remus' grip. "Duh, I don't want to be too much of a smarty-pants. Gimme it." Remus' hands tightened on the book, and James tugged harder. "It's mine, I can do what I want –"_

_ "There, look –"_

_ "Shh!"_

_ James and Remus both froze, and then Remus looked around nervously. "Did you –" he began, but James shushed him. "I think we're being attacked," he whispered, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. There were distinct advantages to having a werewolf on your side. "__Probably for doing homework –"_

_ "Potter! Lupin!" Sirius materialized from behind one of the couches a few feet away, and a second later Peter popped up beside him. They both had their wands pointed at James and Remus. "Your homework or your lives!"_

_ "Go back to the dungeons where you belong, Slytherin scum," James retorted while Remus hastily piled their books into their bags. "You'll never beat us, we've got the smartest smarty-pants on our team –" he jabbed his finger at Remus "– _and_ we've got enough chocolate frogs to last us a lifetime!"_

_ Sirius grinned and waved his wand at James, who h__astily__ ducked. "Quick," he yelped, "up to our impenetrable fortress!" He and Remus took off for the stairs, sprinting two at a time up to their second-year dormitory. They darted inside and slammed the door __shut__, and James turned e__xcitedly__ to Remus "Quick, lock it before they get up here!"_

_ Remus' hand flew to the pocket of his second-hand robes, and __then__ a stricken e__xpression_ _flashed across__ his face. "I don't have my wand –"_

_ "What kind of wizard forgets his wand?" James demanded. There were yells and the pounding of fists coming from the other side of the door, __and James had to keep all his weight on it to keep it shut. "Get mine, it's in my bag." Remus snatched James' bag from where he had dropped it on the floor. "In the front, I think." James winced as one of his friends threw himself against the door. He suspected that it was Sirius, as Peter d__idn't usually__ get so physical._

_ "It's not here," Remus said, glancing up at James and then over to his bed. "Maybe it's __on your bed, or __in you__r__ pocket?"_

_ "No," James insisted, "I know I put it in my bag –" _and then I took it out to hex Prefect Biggins. _"Oh, no." James' eyes widened, and Remus looked up suspiciously. "Oh, no, I left it on the table in the common room."_

_ Remus' eyebrows d__isappeared__ into the __sandy__ bangs that f__lopped over__ his for__e__head. "What kind of a wizard –" he began loftily, but just then the door flew open, throwing James down into the middle of the room. Peter burst in, followed closely __by __Sirius. "Your homework or you__r__ li__ves__!" he proclaimed with a flourish of his wand._

_James threw himself at Sirius, who let out a shout of surprise and they tumbled to __the __floor. James managed to land only two good punches before Sirius regained control of his wand, and then he had James frozen on the floor, trapped in Full Body Bind. Sirius smirked at him. "And that," he drawled, "is how we _wizards_ do things."_

_ "We surrender, __we surrender,__" James h__eard Remus' voice yelp from behind him, and then a bag of books came soaring over him to hit__ Sirius, who looked so surprised that he n__early dropped it__. "Have the stupid homework."_

_ "And your chocolate frogs?" Peter asked, looking suspiciously between James and Remus. Remus sighed, and went to retrieve their stash from the bathroom. Meanwhile, Sirius tossed the book-bag back on the floor and released James from the Body Bind before flopping onto his bed. "Why'd you give up so easily?" he wanted to know._

_ "We forgot our wands downstairs," James said grumpily, pushing himself into a sitting position. Sirius let out a loud laugh; "You did what?!"_

_ Peter laughed too, settling himself next to James on the floor as Remus re-entered the room and tossed some frogs at each of them before perching on the __e__nd of his own bed. "What kind of a wizard forgets his own wand?" Peter __l__aughed__, while Sirius added smugly, "We win!"_


	11. Said and Done

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

Remus sat in the small waiting room, trying to pull himself together. As soon as James had given his testimony, they were going to see Peter, and Remus didn't know if he was ready to do that just yet. He wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with all the hatred and grief that would come with seeing the man who had nearly cost him his world.

It had been just over a week since Voldemort had fallen, and the wizarding world was beginning to shift from joyous disbelief to nervous confusion. Remus had spent most of his time with James and Dumbledore and the Aurors, trying to sort out the whole Secret-Keeper mess, but he'd still heard the conversations – both whispered and shouted – which were sweeping through all levels of the Ministry. "What about the Death Eaters?" was a common question, as well as "Does this mean we've won? Is he really gone for good?" The most common source of confusion, however, seemed to be found in the simplest of questions: "What happens now?"

For Remus, the answer to that question was mostly straightforward: try to reassemble the broken pieces of his life to the best of his abilities. He would find himself a new house and a new job, he would help Sirius recover from his injuries, and he would stand beside James in raising Harry. The one piece that he couldn't seem to fit in, however, was Peter.

In school, Remus had always liked Peter. Not in the way that he had like Sirius and James: they had helped bring out his adventurous side, helped him see himself not a small boy with a big secret, but as a normal boy with a life full of potential. But Peter had helped him see that he was needed in a way that no one else had seemed able to. Peter had always been willing to sit with Remus and do his homework, provided Remus help him out and, at least in the earlier years of their friendship, had never expected anything more than simple honesty out of Remus.

The door swung open and Remus immediately straightened himself, glancing at James' face as he re-entered the room. Inside, Remus caught a glimpse of Dumbledore, Crouch, Barnaby Greengrass and Minister Bagnold before the door swung shut and James plopped himself into the seat beside Remus.

"How was it?" Remus asked.

"Horrible," James said hoarsely. He cleared his throat, then gave a hollow laugh. "What did you expect?"

"Do you think we've convinced them, though?"

James shrugged. "I don't see how they can still think Sirius is a Death Eater, after everything. Dumbledore's certainly on our side. Give them a few more hours, and we'll get the verdict." Although he hadn't said one way or the other, James didn't seem too concerned about the outcome of the trial.

Remus nodded and sat back, trying to still the nervous energy that was bouncing through him. _Calm down. You can do this._ "Are you ready?" he asked James. It was a hard-won struggle to keep his voice steady.

"No."

"Me neither," Remus sighed. He glanced at James, who was making no move to stand but instead staring grimly at the opposite wall.

There was a short silence, which James broke. "He'll be going to Azkaban for this."

"Yes, I expect so." Remus frowned, and the past and present seemed to blur as he saw Peter, just a boy in Hogwarts robes, shivering in a bare cell in Azkaban. He shook his head, trying to clear the vision. This wasn't his friend Peter being sent to jail; it was the man Pettigrew, who had betrayed the Potters and thus had Lily killed. "It's what he deserves, for what he's done."

Now it was James who was frowning, although still he did not look at Remus. "Do you really think so?" he asked quietly.

"Yes." Any other answer, and Remus felt the tight hold he had on his sanity might shatter, along with any hope he had of pulling it back together.

"Alright, then." James stood, and Remus stood as well, trying to push away the feeling of dread that rose along with him. _Calm down, Moony_. Together they walked down the hall in the lower levels of the Ministry, James leading the way to the holding cell where Peter was being housed. As they neared their destination, however, Remus' conviction began to waver. Again he saw the small boy sitting alone in the dark cell, and Remus was suddenly overcome with a bewildering mix of anger, fear, and guilt.

What if, when he entered the cell, it was not Pettigrew Remus saw, but rather, Peter? The small boy, smaller even than Remus at that age, who had steadfastly argued with James and Sirius to _just let Remus be!_ It was probably due to Peter that James and Sirius had discovered Remus' secret in second year, and not first. Or would it be the furious thirteen-year-old who had once shouted to a much bigger Slytherin that Remus could _wear second hand robes and _still_ be ten times smarter than you'll ever be!_ Perhaps he would find the stressed fifth year begging Remus to help him review one last time before the OWLs the next day –

_No. That Peter is gone._

It would be like seeing a stranger, then, an enemy who had taken polyjuice potion to appear like Wormtail – no, it would be like seeing the victim of a Dementor's Kiss: an empty shell where once Remus had known a friend.

"Remus? Moony, are you okay?"

Remus shook his head, aware that he had stopped in the middle of the hallway and was now clutching the wall for support. "I can't do this," he whispered. "I – I'm sorry, James, I just –"

"Come on," James took Remus' arm and led him down the corridor and into an empty room, where Remus sank into an empty chair. "I'm sorry –" he began again, but James just shook his head.

"It's all right," he said, smiling slightly. "I understand. Just wait here, and I'll be back when I've said my piece." He smiled reassuringly at Remus, then left, leaving the door half open behind him. Remus slumped forward with his face in his hands, feeling utterly miserable.

* * *

There were two dementors guarding the cell. They had been called in by the Ministry, and would be returning to Azkaban with Peter once he had been sentenced. Clenching his jaw, James strode up to them.

"I'm here to see the prisoner." He held up the token Scrimgeour had given him.

The dementors did nothing for a moment, just stared at him silently from beneath their hoods, and then they drifted apart to reveal a door. The door was nothing special. It was wood, with iron hinges, an iron latch and a narrow mail slot like muggles used. Nothing that could hold a fully fledged Death Eater practiced in the Dark Arts.

James stepped forward and slipped the token into the mail slot. At first nothing happened, and then the latch and the hinges began to glow. The wood shimmered, the mail slot disappeared and suddenly the old wooden door was replaced by one much more suited to containing a dangerous wizard. This door was stone, black obsidian which had a sheen that made you feel as though if you just looked hard enough, you might be able to see through it. The hinges, which appeared at the apex of the domed top and the middle of the floor-leveled bottom, were made of a strong steel alloy. There were no door knobs. James placed his hand on the shiny surface and whispered the password; not loud enough for anyone to hear, just so that the magic would flow smoother. It was easier with a wand, which was how he preferred to do it, but some people could transmit the password simply by thinking it. Anyway, his wand hadn't yet been returned to him, and he wouldn't have brought it anyway. There was no way he would risk Peter using it to escape, and he wasn't entirely sure he trusted himself not to hex the man who had betrayed his family. The door spun, the curved posterior filling the gap on one side so that, while James could enter from the front, no one would be able to exit from behind at the same time.

The inside of the cell was small, the wall bare. There was a narrow cot in one corner, a simple chair beside it, and in the other a curtained off area where the prisoner could use the restroom. The only other thing in the room was Peter, who was sitting huddled on the cot, staring at the far wall with a miserable expression on his face. When James entered, his head snapped up and then drained of color.

"J-James –" he gasped, but James held up his hand.

"Don't," he said. Grabbing the chair, James sat down in front of Peter. "I haven't come to hear you justify yourself. I don't care why you did it. I just need to know –" James stopped, studied his hands folded tightly on his legs, then looked up at the shivering man on the bed. He couldn't do it this way. Yes, he wanted honesty from his old friend, but first he needed him to understand.

"Do you remember, Peter, when we first met? I lent you one of my nightshirts, because your trunk got lost that first night. And remember how I always used to let you copy my Transfiguration homework when you fell asleep early, so you wouldn't get in trouble the next day? And just last year, when your place burned to the ground. Lily and I let you stay with us, because you were our friend." Peter was shaking his head, but James wasn't done yet. "We trusted you. We put our lives in your hands, and all the friendship, the good faith, the trust – you betrayed it all.

"I loved her, Peter, you know that. I would do anything to protect Harry and Lily – even died, if that was what it took. Lily's gone – to protect Harry – you knowingly killed her, and if things had gone according to your plan you would have killed me and Harry as well. Would you have killed Padfoot, Peter? Moony? Where would you have stopped?"

"I-it wasn't like that," Peter whispered. "I didn't have a choice –"

"There's always a choice," James said firmly. "You made yours when you sold us to Voldemort."

"You d-don't understand –"

"I told you, I don't care," James said fiercely. "Save your explanations for the Wizengamot. All I need to know is this – you lied, fed information to Voldemort, betrayed my family into his hands and murdered the love of my life – do you regret it?"

"I didn't have a choice –" Peter insisted, but James interrupted him.

"Do you regret it!"

Peter stared at James, his mouth working soundlessly, fat tears leaking down his face. The seconds ticked by, and still he said nothing until finally, almost inaudibly, he whispered: "_No_."

James stood, and Peter jumped to his feet as well. "You don't understand, James!" he said desperately, his voice almost pleading. "He would have killed me, he would have killed us all!"

"And yet what you did of your own volition was far worse," James said coolly. Then he sighed. "You're going to Azkaban. And as a Death Eater who spied on the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix, and who as such committed multiple crimes against wizardkind, that's where you'll stay. It's a life sentence, Peter. It's what you deserve. And you're lucky, really lucky, that Sirius didn't have a wand when you found him. He would have killed you."

James left. He left his old friend alone in the small cell to be taken to Azkaban at the conclusion of his trial. Standing out in the hallway, well away from the dementors, James took a moment to lean against the old polished stone and breath deeply. There. He'd said his piece. Maybe later, once he'd come to terms with everything, Remus would want to visit Peter in Azkaban. Perhaps Sirius would as well, once he was healed. And maybe even Harry would go, when he was old enough to understand everything that had happened. But James was done. He'd found what he was looking for, heard what he wanted to hear, and was ready to put Pettigrew behind him for good.

* * *

Sirius sat in his special padded chair, holding Harry on his lap. It was a nice day, as far as November went: even though they'd had their first snow the previous night, the sun had risen free of clouds and it was now pleasantly warm, although the wind was brisk. Of course, they could have had the funeral inside, but Sirius had agreed (not that he'd had much say in the matter) with James and Remus. Lily had always loved being outside, so it was only fitting that that be where her funeral was held.

Technically, Sirius wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be in his bed resting, but as he'd told the healers, he would be damned if he missed Lily Potter's funeral. Even if he still felt weaker than a newborn unicorn. Even if it still hurt to breathe.

When he'd finally recovered enough to remain conscious for more than a couple of minutes, Sirius had learned that he was lucky to be alive. Not from the healers, at least not at first: those questions he had been able to slip in had been quickly deflected in lieu of the healers' and Aurors' own. It had been Remus, recovering from the full moon the next morning, who really told him the full extent of his injuries. A fractured hip, dislocated shoulder and three broken ribs from his impact on the ground. Two collapsed lungs, a compressed spine and a severe concussion from the force of the explosion.

_"__So what was it exactly that P__rongs__' shield did?"_ Sirius had asked grumpily, scowling at the extensive list of injuries that Remus had handed him.

_"Only saved your life,"_ Remus had replied. _"__The amount of friction would have blasted the skin right off your bones if it weren't for James."_

And so Sirius had been issued a six-month long recovery schedule. Which most certainly did not include sitting outside with a fourteen-month-old toddler in his lap on Day 5.

Harry squirmed, turning to stare at Sirius. He was still sporting a band-aid on his forehead – apparently no one had been able to close his cut completely, so James had decided that the muggle method worked well enough. Harry's squirming, however, had caused Sirius to gasp, and now Harry was looking worried and making questioning noises in the back of his throat. Alice Longbottom, who was sitting beside Sirius, glanced over as well, then reached over and carefully extricated Harry from Sirius' arms. Harry let out a small whine and Sirius grimaced.

"I'm perfectly capable of holding my godson, Longbottom," Sirius muttered, but Alice just rolled her eyes and Sirius relented. It was probably for the best, anyway.

The service had begun at noon and lasted for just over half an hour. James and Remus had both spoken, as had Dumbledore and Lily's mentor from St. Mungo's. Lily's casket had then been ceremoniously lowered into the ground, and now everyone was having refreshments beside the old church. James and Remus were both standing by the gate, thanking people as they drifted out and receiving condolences. Sirius wished he could be there with them, but that just wasn't possible. Even just sitting, he was incredibly uncomfortable, and it had only been getting worse as the afternoon wore on.

Trying to distract himself, he turned to Alice. "How's Neville doing?" he asked.

"Well enough, I suppose," Alice sighed. Harry mimicked her. "We've been staying with Frank's mother, although he's still in the hospital. Neville wakes up crying sometimes and misses his dad, but other than that he's happy enough."

"Any word on the Lestranges?"

Alice shook her head, then poked Harry's nose when he did the same. "What are you saying no to?" she asked absently, and Harry giggled. "No, there hasn't been anything. I'm joining the search next week, though. I'll catch them, and see that they go to Azkaban for good."

The small yard was almost empty now, and James and Remus left their posts at the gate to join Sirius and Alice. Although he wasn't crying anymore, James' eyes were still red as he plopped into the chair beside Alice. Remus took the seat beside Sirius with a faraway look in his eyes, not seeming to be focused on much of anything.

"Dadda-daddy-dadda!" Harry babbled, wriggling out of Alice's grasp and onto James' lap. James bounced him on his knees and Harry squealed, giggling and clutching onto the front of James' dress robes. James smiled and bounced him again.

Sirius nudged Remus and Remus blinked, his gaze coming to focus on Sirius'. "How're you holding up, Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged, sniffed, and sighed. "Not great," he said quietly. "But I think I'll manage. How about you?" His gaze sharpened, and he frowned. "Padfoot, you really shouldn't be sitting out here this long. I read the healer's report, you know –"

"Moony! I'm fine," Sirius said hastily. "Just a bit sore, really, and it's not like I won't be getting plenty more rest after this."

"Just be thankful I'm not more like you and James," Remus sighed. "The number of times you two made me stay in the hospital wing after transforming…."

"… think I'll leave now, I want to check in on Frank before going home." Alice was standing, kissing Harry on the head and squeezing James' shoulder. "I'll just say goodbye one last time." She stood and made her way back into the graveyard, towards the back where there was a freshly filled grave and a small phoenix marked the place where Lily's gravestone would eventually be installed. James stood too, his gaze sweeping over the empty chairs and the tables pushed up against the wall. He turned back to face Sirius and Remus, and Harry wriggled in his arms, wanting to be let down.

"We came here once," James said softly, seating himself on the cold ground and taking out a small toy lion for Harry to play with. "Before Harry was born, when we were still looking for a place to live. We went to the store, the library, the muggle primary school …" James cleared his throat, and although his voice was steady Sirius could see that he was crying again. "Then I wanted to come here, to this graveyard. There was a rumor that one of my ancestors was buried here, and I wanted to check it out. It was March, just after our parents died –" his gaze flicked to Sirius', and Sirius knew he was talking about the Potters. They had been just as much his parents as they had been James', and James knew that. "And I just started crying. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop. Lily –" James stopped, staring studiously at the ground before taking a deep breath. "There," he said, gesturing to the edge of the graveyard where an old apple tree stood. "It was over there. Lily just took my hand and told me that everything would be okay."

There was a short silence, which Sirius broke. "James," he said.

James nodded, his eyes following Harry as he stood, wobbled slightly, then toddled over to cling onto the bottom of Remus' dress robes. He paused there for a moment, then stretched his small arms up to Remus, who smiled and reached down to pull him onto his lap.

"We'll make it through this," Sirius said. "Trust me. We're going to be fine."


	12. Epilogue

Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

* * *

James was pulled out of sleep by the sound of his bedroom door swinging open. _Can it really be morning already…?_ James wondered drowsily, blinking his eyes open. Then he realized that no, it wasn't morning. In fact, it didn't appear to be even close: the only light came from the dim nightlight he kept in the hall, and that was only visible because the door was open. Outside, it was pitch-black.

The door swung quietly closed, and James squinted as a small shape padded around the side of the bed and then stopped, hovering nervously in the darkness. "Dad?" the shape whispered.

"What's up?" James mumbled, half pushing himself up on his elbow and wondering what Harry could possibly need at this time of night.

Instead of answering, Harry just leaned forward onto the bed, crawling under the warm covers to nestle against James' side. Sighing, James shifted to make room, wrapping an arm around his seven-year-old son. "Nightmare?" he asked softly.

Harry nodded and mumbled something unintelligible, his head buried under the blankets. Within seconds, however, his breathing had slowed and a quiet snore emanated from beneath the covers. James sighed again and shifted into a more comfortable position, trying not the pull the covers off his sleeping son.

James didn't know what the nightmares were about; Harry never seemed to remember them when awoke in James' bed the next morning, only that they had been scary. James never pressed it, but he did wonder occasionally if Harry could remember those awful days of six years ago, if his sub-conscience brought them to the surface while he slept. He had even asked Alice once if Neville had similar dreams about his father facing the Lestranges. Alice, though, had just shrugged. _Sure, he has nightmares,_ she'd said. _But don't all boys? I don't think it's anything to worry about; I'm sure he'll grow out of them eventually_. Then she had grimaced at James, letting him know that she while she didn't agree with him, she didn't necessarily disagree either. _Take him to see a healer if you're worried,_ she'd suggested, and then had invited them both over to dinner.

James closed his eyes, stroking his son's soft hair – just as unruly as his own – and willed himself back to sleep. Maybe, by sleeping in the same bed, he could will himself into Harry's dreams. Not to see what they were about: in the end, that didn't even matter to James. He only wished himself there so that he could protect Harry from whatever bad dreams plagued him, so that he could take his hand and lead him out of danger into a better and more restful place.

* * *

James stepped out of the lift on the third floor of the Ministry of Magic, threading through the quickly growing stream of people headed for the lifts. Walking through the familiar corridors of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, James yet again found himself wondering why he had been even the least bit surprised when Sirius took a job here in the aftermath of the war. The phrase _Magical Accidents and Catastrophes_ should have been a dead giveaway, and even if it wasn't then the fact that they had an entire office dedicated to constructing lies that muggles would actually believe ought to have sufficed. Sirius seemed to have found his true calling as the head of the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee.

James reached the conference room where Sirius spent most of his day, then stifled a small groan as he realized the room was empty. Then again, maybe he _had_ been justified in expecting that Sirius would stay in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. That was certainly where he seemed to spend most of his time.

Grumbling to himself and wondering why Sirius couldn't send a simple paper plane like the rest of the Ministry, James made his way back up to level two and walked down another, equally familiar hall to the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. He had just reached the door when there was a startled yelp, a string of curses and a familiar laugh. Pushing the door open, he found Sirius, Weasley and Perkins clustered around a small table.

Sirius looked up and grinned at James, but Weasley was too busy trying to get Perkins to take his hands away from his face to notice.

"I can help," Weasley was arguing, "My wife is very could at healing charms, and I've picked up a thing or two – boys, you know –" but Perkins was having none of it.

"You'll make it worse," he groaned, and Sirius turned back to them with a sigh. "Here, let me –" he stepped forward, with his wand raised, and Perkins finally lowered his arms to reveal a quickly-coloring bruise forming in the middle of his forehead. Sirius couldn't quite hold back a chuckle as he waved his wand in a tight circle.

"It isn't funny," Perkins groused, rubbing his forehead.

"You shouldn't have been so close to it," Sirius said, still grinning. James stepped further into the room to see what they had been doing.

There was a small house-shaped box sitting on the table. It was ornately decorated, with a fancy clock face in the middle and a small door at the top. There were long chains attached to the bottom, which hung over the far side of the table. "What is it?" he asked, forgetting for a moment that he was in a hurry.

"A muggle bird clock," Weasley answered, stepping forward to survey the thing with him. "Every time it hits the hour, a little bird comes out of here," he tapped the small door, "and makes a noise. Only someone's enchanted this one to attack the owner." He shot an amused glance at Perkins, his lips twitching beneath his ginger mustache.

"Right," Sirius said cheerfully, stepping forward. "Well, I have an idea – I'm not sure it will work, mind you, so you might want to step back – it'll only take a few minutes –"

"But it can wait until tomorrow," James interrupted, the clock having reminded him that he needed to hurry. "If we don't leave now we'll be late to meet Harry and Neville."

"It'll only take a sec –"

"No," James said firmly. "Now." He raised his wand threateningly, and Sirius grimaced, taking a step back.

"Okay, fine. I'll be back tomorrow, Arthur, so if you haven't fixed it by then –"

"I should be getting home anyway, Molly will be wondering –"

"Great, so I'll stop by in the morning –"

"Padfoot," James groaned, stepping back out of the door. "Now!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Sirius said, grabbing his bag from a chair and waving to Weasley and Perkins as he followed James out the door.

Despite James' worries, they made good time. Most of the foot traffic in the Atrium was headed for the Floo, anyway, and the short walk to the lift which would take them to the phone box outside the Ministry was practically empty. James waved to Eric Munch, the security wizard who always checked visitor's wands, and then they were in the lift, shooting to the surface of Muggle London.

Stepping out, James stuck out his wand hand while Sirius rummaged in his pockets for some sickles. The Knight Bus materialized with a bang, and James and Sirius stepped onboard, heading to their usual seats after paying their fare.

Ever since Sirius had been caught in the explosion caused by Peter's curse, he had been unable to Apparate. It wasn't that he couldn't – he had tried, the very day he had been considered fully recovered, and it had ended disastrously. James could still remember the panic he'd felt, seeing Sirius collapse on arrival, gasping for breath and saying that he couldn't breath. Apparently the pressure had collapsed one of his lungs again. Sirius had been both frustrated and furious at the time, but he had eventually accepted the fact that he likely wouldn't ever be able to Apparate safely again. Sometimes he Flooed, but he had admitted to James that even that left him feeling breathless and sore. The fact that he couldn't Apparate was the main reason Sirius had switched his career to the the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Auror work was too dangerous for anyone who couldn't safely Apparate out of danger.

"… so I said sure, I'll just take a quick look, see if I can help –" Sirius stopped for a moment to let a woman so heavily laden with bags she seemed in danger of getting stuck slide down the narrow aisle on the bus. The bus lurched forward and the woman stumbled, but Sirius just reached out to steady her as he hung onto the post of the bed James was sitting on. She muttered a thank you and moved on, and Sirius continued his story.

"– and then Tonks comes running in going on about some idiot who thought it was a good idea to animate those skeletons the muggles put everywhere this time of year, and he wanted a story _right now_, as though it couldn't wait half a minute –"

The bus slammed to a stop, nearly throwing James off the bed. "Upper Flagley!" the conductor yelled. James stood, and Sirius led the way out.

"The muggles do it because they think it's scary," James said. Luckily the Longbottoms lived just a few blocks from the bus stop, so it was only a three minute walk. "And what's more scary than animated skeletons?"

Sirius grinned. "Actually, I thought it was brilliant, wished I'd thought of it myself. Tonks didn't seem to think it was nearly as funny, though, he made me sit down and come up with an excuse right then and there – apparently he was on the news in half an hour – and by the time I'd done that I only had a few minutes to check in with Arthur. Did you know he has a son around Harry's age?"

James shook his head, turning right and pushing through the gate of the house that Alice and Neville lived in. He couldn't help but remember running up this very path six years ago, adrenaline and fear running through his veins – but it was only a memory. And there were many more happier and more recent memories crowding it to the back, memories of Harry and Neville growing up together….

He rang the doorbell and stepped back. "How many kids does he have now?" he asked, remembering Sirius' question.

"Six, I think. Or is it seven – yes, I think it's seven. Six sons, one –"

The door flew open, and James barely had time to brace himself before he found his arms full of a sobbing Alice. He shot a startled glance at Sirius, who was looking just as perplexed.

"Alice?" James asked. He peered over her shoulder and heard young, excited voices coming from inside. "Alice, what – ?"

Alice pulled back, and James was shocked to find her beaming at him through her tears. "He said my name," she choked, and let out a wet laugh. "Sorry, I'm crying all over you – come in, they're in the sitting room." She took his arm and tugged him inside, Sirius pulling the door shut behind them. "I just – can't believe it, they said it wasn't possible –" and suddenly James realized what she was talking about.

After being tortured under the Cruciatus Curse, Frank had never fully recovered. He had spent weeks in the hospital, undergoing multiple tests and treatments while Alice hunted down and eventually captured all three Lestranges and the fourth Death Eater who had been identified as Barty Crouch Jr. When she had returned, the healers had informed her that Frank would likely never make a full recovery, and that the best option would be to house him in the permanent spell damage ward. He was able sit up, and seemed almost aware of what was going on, but this was the first time in six years that he had spoken aloud. That he had spoken at all was a miracle, and meant that with time and the right treatments, he might possibly recover further.

"Alice, that's wonderful!" James exclaimed, and she turned back to beam at him again. "How – just now?"

They entered the sitting room, where Harry and Neville were talking excitedly. "I reckon it'll be you next," Harry was saying, and Neville was nodding, his smile wide enough to split his small face. "He'll say 'Neville,' and won't that be great?" Harry glanced up as James entered the room. "Hi Dad, hi Uncle Padfoot – guess what happened at the hospital –"

"Dad said Mum's name!" Neville blurted out, then looked embarrassed that he'd interrupted. Harry looked mildly annoyed, like he'd wanted to tell James the news himself, but this was quickly replaced by excitement.

"And I said to Neville – I said, it'll be _you_ next –"

"That's wonderful," James repeated giving his son a quick hug in greeting and keeping an arm around him as he turned to Alice. "If you want to go back I'll just take the boys, Neville can stay for dinner."

Alice looked torn. "But it's Halloween, I can't –"

"Go," James said firmly. "This is an amazing opportunity, Alice, one that you can't miss. If you come home early you can meet us in Godric's Hollow, and if not I'll bring Neville around at eight."

Alice stood, already moving to grab her traveling cloak from where she had thrown it on a chair. "Thank you so much, you have no idea – Neville, love, behave, I'll see you tonight." She planted one more kiss on his head, then nearly ran out the door in her haste to Disapparate back to the hospital.

Neville watched her go with a slightly forlorn expression on his face, but then Harry was there, bouncing from one foot to the other and tugging on his sleeve. "Neville, come on, we need to get ready in our costumes!" He pulled Neville down the hall to the door, chatting excitedly while Sirius and James brought up the rear.

* * *

As soon as they got home, Sirius and Harry disappeared up to Harry's room while James stayed downstairs to help Neville with his costume. Harry and Neville had been planning their costumes for weeks, and while James knew that Neville was planning to be a merman, he had no idea what Harry was going to dress up as. All he knew was that last Monday Sirius had whispered something in his godson's ear, and Harry had bust out laughing before refusing to tell James anymore about it. Neville knew, James was sure, but Harry had apparently sworn him to secrecy; whenever questioned about it, Neville would blush a bright red and refuse to open his mouth.

"Ahh," James commanded, and Neville obediently opened his mouth so that James could charm his teeth to appear sharper than they were. If Neville had been a bit older, James might have actually made his teeth sharp, but he didn't want him to bite off his tongue.

Neville watched enviously as James helped him change the color of his hair and eyes. Although Harry had been performing accidental magic for a few years now, Neville had yet to exhibit any signs of magic, and James was beginning to wonder if the boy might be a Squib. He knew that Neville's grandmother had posed the idea to Alice, but Alice hadn't been interested. _Does it matter?_ she had demanded, and Mrs. Longbottom had reluctantly dropped the subject. Neville, though, had seemed to realize recently that he was missing out on something, and James had caught him trying to convince Harry to show him how to perform magic.

"How's that?" James asked, conjuring a mirror for Neville to look in. Neville turned and scrutinized himself, examining the robes which made it seem as though he had a tail instead of two legs.

"It's good. Thanks, Mr. Potter."

"Presenting …" Sirius announced as he reentered the room, "Master Harry Potter, heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Potter!"

James' mouth fell open at the sight of the boy who stepped around the door. He was dressed in a dark green jacket with silver fastenings down the front and a ridiculously elaborate lace collar, and black pinstripe trousers. The robes, which James thought he vaguely recognized, were black with silver embroidery around the edges and all up the sleeves. Harry wasn't wearing his glasses, and his hair had been slicked back so that it sat smoothly on his head for the first time James could remember.

James burst out laughing, and the haughty expression Harry had been struggling to hold on his face melted into a grin. "Do you like it?" he demanded, spinning slowly so that James could get the full view.

"I love it," James assured him, still laughing. "A pureblood – this was your idea?" he turned to Sirius.

"Yep," Sirius agreed cheerfully. "And the sacrifices I made to get that costume. I raided my mother's attic," he admitted at James' inquiring look. "Ran into Kreacher – that nasty thing is still alive, can you imagine? But apparently she kept some of mine and Regulus' old things. It's the only redeeming quality she's ever had, and I can assure you it's nowhere near enough."

"Look," Harry said, stepping forward to show James the pin on his jacket. It was a small silver snake, with emerald eyes and a tongue which flicked periodically in and out of its mouth. "I'm a Slytherin too, see? Because all _proper_ purebloods are in Slytherin, right?" he turned to smirk at his godfather. Sirius gave him a thumbs up, but James was suddenly aware of how much his son actually looked the part. The snake, the green-and-silver clothes, they looked almost natural on Harry, and he held himself with an easy confidence, as though no one could question his right to be there. _What if Harry is sorted into Slytherin … _James shook his head. _Does it really matter?_

Sirius was dressed as a muggle ninja, a character which he began explaining to a bewildered Neville as Harry ran to retrieve the candy bags from the kitchen table. James then ushered them all out the door, locking it behind him, and they set off down the sidewalk to the town center of Godric's Hollow. It was a short five minute walk, which Harry usually complained about ("Why can't we Apparate? Can I fly? Why don't you ever use the car?"), but tonight he was too excited to complain. He and Neville took off skipping down the sidewalk, and James and Sirius were hard-pressed to keep up.

At first, James and Remus had rented a flat together near Dartmoor, but after a year Remus had needed to move somewhere less populated for his transformations, and James had found himself strangely homesick. He and Harry had tried a few other locations, but when Harry turned four James had made the decision to move back to Godric's Hollow. He liked the mix of wizard- and muggle-folk in the area, and he had wanted to be closer to where Lily was buried. He had bought a small cottage near the village center, and that was where they had lived for the past three years.

They took about an hour to wander around the town, calling "trick-or-treat" to receive candy from muggle households and "treat-for-a-trick" to add wizarding treats to their bags. Harry ran into a few of his friends from his muggle primary school, but for the most part it was just him and Neville leading the way, with James and Sirius trailing along behind.

Finally, around 5:30, they arrived at the graveyard where Harry took the lead to the white marble headstone which marked Lily's grave. Remus was already there, sitting on the cool grass, and stood to greet them as they approached.

"Uncle Moony, check out my costume," Harry said as he ran to forward. He spun for Remus, who commented admiringly before turning to Sirius. "Didn't you wear those robes once?" he asked.

Sirius nodded, grimacing. "Yes, during my sorting. I'm surprised you remembered – I got out of the damn things as soon as I could and haven't worn them since."

James settled on the ground, watching idly as Harry and Neville began to sort through their candy and Sirius regaled Remus about his day at work. Harry's hair, which had begun to unravel before they reached the first house, was now sticking up in the oddest places, making it look as though he was wearing a spiking, slightly furry hat. He had also reclaimed his glasses, and his jacket was unbuttoned to show the bright-red sweater underneath.

_Look at our son, Lily,_ James thought. _I wish you were here to see him._

Even now, six years later, James missed Lily as though he had lost her yesterday. He missed her smile, her laugh, her body in his arms. He missed her kindness, her temper, and the way she noticed the small things. He closed his eyes, leaning back against one of the headstones and imagining her sitting on the ground beside him. _Don't cry, James._ He could almost feel her breath by his cheek. _I'm okay. We're okay_. But he couldn't help it – he always cried when he came here.

_I miss you, Lily. I love you, and I miss you so much_.

"Dad." James opened his eyes as Harry and Neville came to join him, Harry squeezing under his arm so that he was pressed against James' side. "Can you show me Mum?"

Smiling, wiping the tears from his cheeks, James drew his wand. After a quick nod from Sirius to say that there were no muggles about, he raised his wand high. "_Expecto Patronum!_"

He thought of Lily. He thought of her on the day they met, as they shared classes at Hogwarts, as she stood up for Snape against him. He thought of her agreeing to go out with him, stealing kisses while on patrol, moving in with him after they graduated. He thought of Lily on their wedding day, the day Harry was born, and the day she gave her life to her son.

And out of his wand burst a bright, beautiful, silver doe.


End file.
